Thursday, December 6, 2007

Houston...We Have a Problem


NASA announced today that it was postponing the launch of Space Shuttle Atlantis due to a problem with the fuel gauge. Now I'm no rocket scientist but come on, how important is this piece of equipment? Don't they fill those babies up before take off? It's not like one of the astronauts takes it down to the local Kwik Fill, looks in his wallet and says, "Hey buddy, I'm running a little short today so just put in five bucks worth OK?"

I also have a feeling mission control knows how much fuel it's going to take to get them to the space station and back again. Of course the crew could decide to go for a joy ride around the moon a couple of times, look down and realize the idiot light has just come on. I can hear the captain now, "Hey guys, keep your eyes open for a gas station cause' we're about out. Oh, and let's make sure we hit one on the right too. Making a left this time of day can be a real bitch!"


Alright I'm sure the gauge has a very intricate and vital function to the overall performance and safety the the entire flight, but ever since the dreaded seven hundred dollar toilet seat debacle I always feel a need to question just what is and isn't necessary when it comes to the government spending my money.


Do you ever wonder what kind of mileage those birds get? I doubt there's an estimated MPG sticker on the window when you pick one of them up from the new space shuttle lot. Maybe they could come up with a hybrid model. The initial lift off would use high octane rocket juice but after it cleared the atmosphere it would cruise on an alternative source like used McDonald's fry oil. Ah yes, the entire cosmos could then enjoy the smell of french fries emanating from its exhaust. If that doesn't bring the little green men from Mars to our planet nothing will.


I could be onto something here. We could lure all the aliens to our planet via this little plan, watch them pork out on Big Macs and Happy Meals then waddle back to their piece of the galaxy. They'd be so fat and lazy they wouldn't have the energy to invade us. WE COULD RULE THE UNIVERSE!...Muwahaha (said with a sinister tone).


Oh, the possibilities.

22 comments:

katherine. said...

Conquering the McUniverse 1200 calories at a time…

(ya know the shuttle fuel gauge…gauges more than full and empty….smile)

katherine. said...

okay…I’m a freak…but your post made me wonder……

The NASA space shuttle consumes 1,000,000 kg of solid fuel and 2,000,000 litres of liquid fuel over 8.5 minutes to take the 100,000 kg vehicle (including the 25,000 kg payload) to an altitude of 111 km and an orbital velocity of 30,000 km/h. The space shuttle Atlantis flew approximately 8 million km on the STS-115 mission, so used 0.125 kg of solid fuel and 0.25 l of liquid fuel per km. In relation to the largest ground distance of 20,000 km, usage is 50 kg of solid fuel and 100 l of liquid fuel per km.

Travis said...

I heard about the fuel guage.

And don't you think smart women who go on knowledge searches for obscure facts are damn fine sexy?

**winks at Katherine**

Roger said...

"Cap'n I am given'er all she's got! But we need more dilithium crystals oh shitttttt I dropp'd me scotch all ov'er the fricken console...sweet baby Jesus, Mary & Joseph were all going to dee!"

Mel said...

Yep.

Sounds like just the kinda excuse I need for my 'please excuse Mel from work' pass for tomorrow.

:-)

Odat said...

No wonder my lil dog kept sniffing up at the sky this morning....
lol @ Katherine's facts (thanks for the lesson).

p.s. I love Marvin the Martian!

Peace

Anndi said...

Take me to your leader!

*giggles*

Basically, it's a process safety hazard. Why is it malfunctionning? Is it linked to a critical equipment with pressure switches? Is it the only indicator they would have should there be a problem with the tanks... In chemical processes, we rely heavily on our gauges and level indicators are important.. what if there's an unexpected and unusual swing in the process?

**putting away the geek**

Now, if women were flying the bird... I agree, it's not a critical piece of equipement since we actually go on how long that light in the dashboard has been on to finally break down and fill er up.... plus we usually stop at the same gas station.. the one with the cute guy and clean washrooms... gauge and indicator light be damned! ;p

Now, the important question:
Do you think you can smell in space and who should we volunteer for that mission? I hope martians aren't vegans...

Matt-Man said...

Ha, very well done. I wonder if they checked the wiper fluid as well. Cheers!!

Jeff B said...

Katherine- Wait a minute...OK I've got my Geek to English dictionary in front of me now...let's see...blah, blah,blah kilo grams, blah, blah big ass shuttle, blah, blah liquid fuel consumption, almost there...converting US measurements into Metric Equivalents...AH HA!

If my calculations are correct it used 46 gallons and 110 pounds of fuel per mile.

Lesson learned- Katherine and Jeff need to find another hobby.

Travis- I'll second that wink

Roger- Poor Scotty

Mel- Enjoy your 'can't come to work today cause the aliens are on their way to McD's' day.

Odat- "I will now have to take my Imonium Q-45 ray gun and blow up the Earth...oooh they make me very angry."

Anndi- Wow, two geek babes in one post! A new Olimpic and world record.

Maybe the astronauts could do a space version of 'pull my finger' to solve that mystry.

Matt- Yeah, but I'm sure they didn't ask for directions.

Casdok said...

Lol!!!!

~Deb said...

Then they can always sue us for 'making them fat'. (Just as people do here in the US...sue McDonald's for their extra package around their bellies.

Hrmm.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Jeff, you have such a twisted mind. I like that about you. Thanks for the laughs. Have a great day. :)

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'm glad Katherine looked that up....I was curious.

I LOVE that alien! They'd be so cute running around in their little helmets with Happy Meals!

Jeff B said...

Casdok- Always glad to have a new visitor and I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

Deb- Is there a lawyer in the house?

Sandee- Twisted, bent and contorted. It's all that and more. Glad to be of assistance.

Real LL- I know I was sparing with Katherine earlier, but I was courious too. Sssshhh don't let her know though.

Oswegan said...

Yeah, I mean once there up there how much do they need? I think a fart is enoough to propel you through space.

~Oswegan

Gene Bach said...

The most accurate comment here was that Jeff has a twisted mind. LOL!

If you folks only knew.

roentarre said...

I like your writing. To think green is probably not the issue here

buffalodickdy said...

I like the line in "Armeggedon" I loosely remember- "50,000 parts in this thing, and they all were made by the lowest bidder"...

Marilyn said...

Wow... I decided to read the comments and accidentally learned something.

I like the idea of taking ofer the universe with Quarter Pounders.

Jeff B said...

Oswegan- Now that's going to leave a stink trail of a different kind.

Gene- Yes, I like to think I take after my big brother in some regards.

Roentarre- We haven't even been able to figure that out on our own planet yet have we?

Buffalo- That really is a frightning thought. Thanks for comming by.

Marilyn- We like to educate as well as entertain here. Thank you too for comming by.

Latharia said...

I'm giggling, here!!!!

Ellie said...

Well said.