Thursday, April 10, 2008

Airplane '08

On a recent walk through the local video store I saw the movie "Airplane" sitting on the shelf. It's been a while since I last watched that one, so I'll have to pick it up one of these days soon. As my mind immediately flashed on some the hilarious scenes I'd recalled seeing in it, a blog idea popped into the frontal lobe.

I thought about a few things that you wouldn't want to hear coming from the cockpit of a commercial airline while you are on board:

1* Any of you guys know what this blinking light means?

2* I sure hope that crack holds till we land!

3* Did I tell you my doctor finally took me off Prozac about a week ago?

4* Tell me you're kidding about the fuel gauge saying "Empty".

5* That's a great avionics school . . . Me? Oh, I learned landings on an X-Box 360

6* I can't believe it either. My first time behind the controls . . . How cool it that?

7* Is it just me or does anybody else smell smoke?

8* Oh, thaaaat's what the tower was trying to warn us about!

9* Damn, we're gonna wish we had those when it comes time to land!

10* Why thanks for asking flight attendant Franny, I'll have a Corona and the captain will have another Scotch N' Water.


Feel free to add to the list.

30 comments:

Dana said...

Damn! I thought I had the safety on!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Is it up yet? I mean, are WE up yet?

Rhea said...

The flight attendant saying over the speaker system, "Does anyone know how to fly a plane?"

I have a BIL who is a pilot for Continental, and boy, he has some great stories to tell.

Rhea said...

I thought of another one, "Damn, you mean that wasn't the cruise control button?" hehe

The worst feeling is seeing all the flight attendants running towards the cockpit...

Rhea said...

Oh, dear, I seem to be on a roll...

"Does anyone have a GPS unit on board?"

heeheehee...hahaha...hehehe

The worst would be if they start broadcasting the numbers, "4,8, 15, 16, 23, 42. Ahhhhh!!!!!

Jeff B said...

Dana- Didn't that just happen recently?

Real LL- Part of the mile high club I presume.

Rhea- Your brother in law would be proud of those. Bwahahaha

R.E.H. said...

#6 there I have actually experienced. They went right out and told us this was the first time the woman pilot was in charge of the flight...

And, we don't hear the last one, but from a lot of reports - we can just assume that is going on ;)

R.E.H. said...

BTW - that woman, by the way, probably made the smoothest landing I have ever experienced.

Mel said...

I'm still trying to forgive the approach to land withOUT the gear being down......

*shuddering*
The good news is they pulled back up and did it right the second time?

Nicole P said...

Ahhh, this is why I scared to death of flying.

buffalodickdy said...

Oops....

Matt-Man said...

I hate you...This is something I will be thinking about all day now. Cheers and I'll be back, dammit!!

CrystalChick said...

I am keeping #5 in mind. We're gonna save lots of $$ on college. Actually, I think he can get working papers this summer, and after fixing his xbox headset with some duct tape I think American Airlines might just hire him as a private contractor to get them back in business again. ;)

Jeff B said...

REH- You'd think that would be anounced after a sucessful landing, but not before.

Mel- I'll bet there was some butt chewing going on that day!

Nicole- Could be worse. You could be in a car with a student driver.

buffalo- Never a good thing to hear.

Matt- Flying sometime soon?

Crystalchick- Sounds like he's a shoe in.

nitebyrd said...

You have such a twisted mind. I LOVE it!

Bond said...

LOLOLOL

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you had the chicken for dinner.....barfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff"


Sorry, I know that was part of Airplane 2 but I could not help myself

Bond said...

Or was it the fish?

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I love this movie. There were a ton of great parts, but I loved Lloyd Bridges as Steve McCroskey the best. What a hoot. Have a great day. :)

jennifer said...

The last was the best!

Let's fake turbulance so we can watch 'em bounce.... um, the passengers that is.

Happy weekend to ya!

Jen

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.

Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?

Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?

Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.

Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Akelamalu said...

I love that movie!

kevin wecker said...

Somehow, I think I'd still feel safe if a pilot said #5....

The Teamster said...

thanks jeff.....i'm flying out next friday....then on the 24th.....then coming home on the 27th......good thing i'm not afraid of flying....if it's our time to go...we go...and if we don't feel it...it doesn't hurt..

Jules~ said...

Once we were booked for a small "prop job" plane. The guy at the ticket counter was nice and friendly. Told us to have a safe flight. Then at the gate, he was our ticket agent. Then as I was sitting in my seat and watching our bags come along...he loaded the bags into the plane.
Then he took off his cap, put on a pilot's hat, and came on the plane.

no joke!

Anndi said...

*Captain hails the flight attendant over the PA system*:

"Patricia, please bring that tube of crazy glue to the cockpit....

NOW"

Jeff B said...

Nitebyrd-
"Twistin',
Everybody's Twisti',
Twistin' the night away!"


Bond- I think you got a chunk on me.

Sandee- You ever been to a Turkish prison?

Jennifer- Good one.

Akelamalu- It should be in everyone's library.

Kevin- Only if the pilot was under 13 years old.

Teamster- I hope you're not flying on American.

Jules- that would be a bit un-nerving.

Anndi- "Cock"pit and crazy glue should never be used in the same sentence!

Ron said...

Ok...I think THESE were the "out-takes" which SHOULD have been left in!!!

#4) is a freaking RIOT!!!

Thank you so much for reminding me of a wonderful film, buddy. I totally forgot about it!?!?

@Real Live Lesbian - Your comment was superb..bravo!

Travis said...

"Uhm Captain...we're a tad low."

katherine. said...

I really was hoping not to hear that Northwest was gonna rebundle their wiring....

for the next couple weeks I'm hoping Delta won't be either.

(then again they are merging aren't they...)