Monday, September 22, 2008

The Yang to my Ying

Yesterday I posted a list of ten things I've learned. I thought in order to keep the world spinning properly on its axis, I would offer up a list of ten things I haven't learned.

1. How to speak Spanish with any amount of fluency.

2. How to drive on the freeway without wanting to rip the face off that guy driving like a moron in the other lane.

3. How to write things beyond my own name without the aid of spell check.

4. That beans are not my friend.

5. Why anybody would want to watch "The Sound of Music" more than once.

6. That not everybody enjoys my sense of humor.

7. Why TV reality shows are so popular.

8. When to keep my big mouth shut.

9. How to program the VCR.

10. Why the prize money on Jeopardy ( a game show that actually requires some intelligence to win) is so small, while other shows in which any idiot can win is so large.


and the list could go on...

33 comments:

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I love your list. May I help you with ripping off the face of the stupid driver? I'd really enjoy that. A LOT! Have a great day. :)

Mike Golch said...

I got a better Idea just use a good sharp ax and that the fools whole head off like I feel like doing at times. Oh I forgot thats against the law.

katherine. said...

I didn't take language seriously until I was an adult...so I encouraged...insisted...forced my kids to.

I'll hold 'em while you and Sandee take care of business

I can't spell either...but you probably didn't notice...smile

The Hills Are Alive....

Not everyone enjoys mine either.

geez...good point about jeopardy...never realized that before...then again....nobody likes the brainiac.

(I can program the VCR, DVD player, automatic coffeemaker and the DVR....)

Ron said...

OMG...

#2 is WHY I DO NOT DRIVE ANYMORE!!!!

(and also WHY I miss giving the FINGER)

#3 I have such a love/hate relationship with spell check.

#4 BEANO

#5 Even though my background is theater...I must TOTALLY agree with you on this...I HATE The Sound of Music!#?!?#*

#6 I do...so that's all that should really matter.

#8 me too.

Enjoyed this, Bud!

Jay said...

I love Jeopardy! It's my favorite game show ever.

I've never thought about how much less they give away than other shows though. Hmmm .. that is interesting.

Desert Songbird said...

Ah, yes, but Jeff, I TRULY do enjoy your sense of humor.

Oh, and Jeopardy? Great show.

Matt-Man said...

I'm am right with ya on 5 and 7. Cheers Jeff!!

Mel said...

Oh.....I so needed a good list of ten besides my own!

NOW I can go forth into the day with a smile on!

:-)

Bond said...

I watch the Jeopardy web site to see if they are coming anywhere near me...I so want to go on that show...

CrystalChick said...

Really enjoyed both lists!!
Yeah, I'd definitely want more money for wrenching my brain that bad on Jeopardy. We play alot. And for as many obscure questions as I sometimes can get right, hubby always seems to get the final one correct and then all my hard work is forgotten. :(

Alot of people miss my humor too. Why is that?? If I'm laughing, it's funny. And others should find it that way too!! ;)

Sandi McBride said...

Nice list, Jeff...I've come to the conclusion that my favorite game show, Jeopardy, has such a small audience because no one wants to really learn, I spoke Spanish and some Gaelic growing up, but after marrying and moving away from home lost both the Spanish and Gaelic that I had picked up since the people (Daddy and Daddy Douglas) who spoke to us in these languages were no longer close by. Pity. I'm lazy.
Believe it or not, I've got my POW ready for posting...so maybe not TOO lazy!
Sandi

Akelamalu said...

Re #6 - I do!

WomensDaily said...

I can't watch the Sound of Music. I saw it once and can't do it again, it just annoys me.

Dianne said...

I love your Yang (is that dirty?)
except I will admit to seeing Sound of Music many times

and the Ying yesterday was pretty cool too

Anndi said...

The HIIIIIILLLLLLLLLS are aliiiiiiiive with the sound of muuuuuuuuuuuuusic!

Bwahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!

No raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens either?

Jeff B said...

Sandee- Please do, there are so many to choose from too.

Mike- Sounds like you have an axe to grind.

Katherine- Having lived in Calif. most of my life, you'd think i would no more Spanish than I do.

and thank for humming a couple of words there. I knew someone would have to do that. grrrrr.

Ron- Yeah, another SoM hater!!

Jay- I don't get how Deal or No Deal can give away so much money when the contestants only have to act like an idiot to win it and a five time champion on Jeopardy is luck to walk away with 50k.

Songbird- Why thank you my dear.

Matt- Reality TV, that oxymoron says it all.

Mel- Now go tackle the world.

Bond- I'd be rooting for ya bud.

Crystalchick- I one time threw out the question for the final Jeopardy answer even before Alex announced the category and was right! That was freaky cool.

Sandi- I'm really encouraging Lisa to teach the boys Italian, which she speaks fluently.

You're already done! wow, I haven't even begun yet. I think I've got the general direction though.

Akelamalu- Glad to know that. Don't you just hate it when you're trying to be funny and the other person just gives you that blank stare?

Womensdaily- It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Screeeeeech!!! Welcome to the blog.

Dianne- I love that you love my Yang! You've seen it many times? I didn't know you were deaf. (snickering)

Jeff B said...

Anndi- CURSE YOU WOMAN!!!!!

Travis said...

You know, the hills really are alive...

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaa

Jeff B said...

Travis- I know you like this movie. I'll try to not hold that against you.

Gene Bach said...

10. Why the prize money on Jeopardy ( a game show that actually requires some intelligence to win) is so small, while other shows in which any idiot can win is so large.


Won any money on a game show lately? Hmm, you must be dumber than an idiot.

Raven said...

Ok... warning. this is going to be long, but your post made me think of one of my favorite sections in a book by Norman Cousins called HUMAN OPTIONS. He asked a similar question of various famous people including Sweitzer. Long quote to follow:

"Dr. Albert Schweitzer, to whom I put the queston in 1958 at his jungle hospital in Lambarene, said the one thing he learned in his life was that he had learned nothing. Then he asked if he could think further on the question. THe next morning, he said he thought he had perhaps learned a few things after all. He leaned forward and ticked them off on his fingers:

1) If you have something difficult to do, don't expect people to roll stones out of your way.

2) It is not necessary to go off on a tour of great cathedrals in order to find the Deity. Look within. You have to sit still to do it.

3)Reverence for life is where religion and philosophy can meet and where society must try to go.

4) The misery I have seen gives me strength, and faith in my fellow man supports my confidence in the future.

Don't know why, but I have always loved this list.

Raven said...

By the way. I like your list too.

Jeff B said...

Gene- Up your nose with a rubber hose!

Raven- Just when I thought I was on to something with my list, you go and throw Sweitzer at me. (laughing)

Seriously though, thanks for sharing that. I liked it.

Chatty said...

#'s 4 and 7 resonated with me particularly, but all were thought-provoking!

nitebyrd said...

I'm right there with you on #5 and #10.

I REFUSE to do #1.

Real Live Lesbian said...

#6. I do!

#7. I don't.

Anndi said...

You do realize think of you anytime I hear those songs.. right?

Or when I shop for bananas...

buffalodick said...

Another good list! I thought a second language might be a good idea..

Rhea said...

Dude, you and my husband both don't like reality shows...what's NOT to like?!! People being people...morons being morons. It's great!

You need a DVR, so much easier to work than a VCR to record shows.

Sound of Music is AWESOME! The reason to watch it again and again is to SING ALONG! lol

Marilyn said...

In order to better enjoy The Sound of Music you should make up your own lyrics to all of the songs and then sing them loudly (off key is best) while watching with people who take the movie very seriously. The lyrics should involve lots of violence against stupid freeway drivers.

Post a video of the exercise on you tube in order to obtain irate, yet amusing, hate mail.

Jeff B said...

Chatty- Thanks for the input.

Nitebyrd- having been in both the restaurant and construction biz, you'd think I would have picked up more.

Real LL- Thanks and I can't wait for that era to be over.

Anndi- Glad to know you think about me at those "special" moments.

Buffalo- Knowing Spanish when you live on the west coast is a real plus.

Rhea- What's not to like? Now that could be a long list in itself! hehehe I can just about hear you singing along with Julie too. Arrrgh!!

Marilyn- Now there's an idea worth considering!

jennifer said...

10 is brilliant and 4 is ME! This is a great list!!

CrazyCath said...

I am right with you on nos. 6,7 & 8. Not that I can speak Spanish either...