As I eagerly read each exciting detail about how I would be able to spend my time performing my civic duty, a few things struck me.
Here are the Juror Qualifications as listed:
- You must be a citizen of the United States.
- You must be a resident of Clackamas County.
- You must be 18 years of age or older.
- You must not have served on any state or federal jury in the last 2 years.
That's it? These are the only qualifications that are required for a person to determine the fate of a fellow citizen? What I read here was, "Any idiot can serve as a juror."
Surely there have got to be some more qualifications that one should posses. How about:
- You must be smarter than a fifth grader.
- You must be able to speak and comprehend the English language
- You must not be a low life degenerate freak of nature who has no concept of personal hygiene.
- You must have enough common sense to realize if OJ Simpson is on the trial you serve at, the bastard is guilty.
- You must realize that watching every episode of "Mattlock" does not make you an expert in the judicial system.
- "Feel free to add your own here"
I found out that I will of course be compensated for my time. When I saw the dollar amount I seriously considered quitting my job and becoming a professional juror. Yes folks, I could be making the big buck should I be selected. Get this, I could make. . . I can't believe the generosity. . . $10 a day!
Lisa is already looking into 401 K's, IRAs and a host of other plans for our windfall. She was so excited about this news I almost didn't want to tell her if I do get selected to a trial and if goes for more than two days then I could get whopping $25 a day!
Can you believe it? If I am really lucky, I'll get a case that goes for at least two weeks. With that the kids college fund should be pretty well taken care of. Yep, I can see it now Harvard...Yale... the possibilities are endless.
But wait, there's more. "Tell him what he's won."
I can also earn 20 cents a mile for each and every mile I travel to and from the courthouse. Is this getting exciting or what? Let's do a little math shall we? If I drive my truck which gets 13 mpg with the current price of gas at $3.60 per gallon it costs me 27.6 cents per mile. So in other words I get to make twenty cents to spend nearly thirty. Is our government great or what?
I see there is a section that talks about security. Let's see what it says: Prohibited articles such as guns, knives and chemical sprays (mace) will not be allowed in the building. Camera phones are not permitted.
I think I'll show up with a hand grenade and an envelope of anthrax and see if they select me. I don't see these things on their list and remember intelligence was not one of their requirements to be a juror.
OK so what I'm really going to do is defer my service to sometime in November or December when it's not right in the middle of the busy season for work.