A Word In Edgewise

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T19:47:00.001-08:00

Wow it's been a nutty, busy couple of weeks. I suppose that could be the first thing to put on my list of things to be thankful for. Not the nutty part, but certainly the busy part.

I think when I total out the numbers for November it's going to go in the books as the best month for revenue we've had in the history of the business. That's pretty incredible considering the time of year.

Next up... Family. Everyone in the immediate family is healthy. Can I get an Amen!

We'll be going over to my mom's for a traditional feast of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, etc. The only bummer is that my oldest brother Gene and his family won't be coming up.

I'm also thankful that I live in a country where I'm free to express my belief in God. This seems like an easy one to take for granted until I turn on the evening news and see the oppression others are forced to endure.

Not an exhaustive list by any means. Just a few things I'm thankful for right now.

How about you? What are you thinking of this Thanksgiving?

It Was A Spooktacular Night

2011-11-03T20:55:00.000-07:00

I know it's November 3rd an Halloween is already in the books for this year, but I had to work until midnight the past couple of nights, so this post is a little late getting up. Still I wanted to share a few photos of our haunted house. We had soooooo much fun putting this one together.

Walking up to the garage.

We nicknamed him "Scary Guy"
No one could figure out if he was real or fake

It's all fun and games until someone loses a head!

Some ghosts and bats to greet the guests

Anthony and I made the coffin and then put a corpse with glowing eyes and rats munching on him inside. Add a few candles and some dead flowers and you've got a fine looking dead guy.

A few heads and masks

The deranged doctor's lab

Much better at night

The Mad Scientist's Lab

Lisa ready to do a few experiments in the lab

We also had a fog machine going and some spooky music playing which really added to the effect. It was a ton of work getting everything put together, but well worth it listing to all the kids (and some adults too) when they went through.

Haloween Eve Eve

2011-10-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

It's getting close to Halloween and the sunshine outside today gave us the perfect opportunity to get some ooky spooky decorations up. Most of the front yard is done. Black plastic trash bags cut into strips make a great backdrop to the front porch. When the wind blows they flutter and give a eerie feeling when it's dark outside.

Anthony, Lisa and I made a guillotine complete with a "blood" soaked blade. The severed head will be placed in the basket on Monday. Ah yes, a warm cozy, Hallmark, sort of family moment.

We also made a witch that appears to have flown directly into the column. That should get a few chuckles.

Tomorrow we will turn the garage into a haunted house. Mad science lab, Coffin with a demented zombie, Spiders with webs, snakes... yep, it's gonna be scary fun. On Monday we'll open the garage door and let the little monsters from the neighborhood come in and see our monsters. Lots of treats to hand out too.

One Picture

2011-10-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

It's time for the final installment of The Ten Day Challenge.

Today we are asked to post one picture of our self.

With Halloween just around the corner I thought what better shot to share with you than one of me
all dressed up and ready to P A R T Y !

I was somewhere between 19-21 years old. Dang... look how skinny I was, emphasis on the word "was".

Two Songs

2011-10-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

Today's prompt for The Ten Day Challenge is two songs. Seriously... just two?

Music is such an interesting medium. It can bring people together under a common interest and it can also cause great divides due to personal taste and style preferences. I like a pretty wide range of music types and I don't think it would be right to say there are any that I hate.

I don't care much for Opera, but even so, hearing it live is nothing short of amazing. I was weaned on Rock and Roll, so that would have to be my favorite, but I also like Country. Go Figure. I thought I didn't like Rap until I heard some that had a positive message. So much different than the gangster variety that gets the attention. I've found some New Age stuff that's pretty cool. and I remember listening to a East Indian CD that I really liked. Jazz, Blues, the list goes on.

So how does one select two songs from all that's available to choose from? I think the answer is simply this. You choose two and know full well that they would likely be different selections on any given day, week, month or year.

So the two that I pick for this moment in time are:

"Three Wooden Crosses" by Randy Travis

and

"Love To Love" by UFO

Clicking on the titles will allow you to listen to them via You Tube

My Backyard

2011-10-23T10:48:00.000-07:00

From this week's writing prompt at Sunday Scribblings.

"My Backyard"

The distinctive smell of flat stale beer and the omnipresent haze from a number of lit cigarettes both past and present, announced to the senses that I had walked into Callahan's.

An Irish Pub by designation was this neighborhood watering hole, which sadly, served as a home away from home to its usual cast of characters. Many of them were already assembled as often was the case by this time of the afternoon.

Mickey, a Goliath sized man with hands resembling that of a full sized Kodiak bear sat next to his long time friend Bruce Tate. They were jawing back and forth about something of little consequence as was generally their M.O. Politics I think it was today, but it could have easily been about the raw deal their foreman was giving them, or how much those god-damned A Rabs, as they so eloquently called them, were getting for a barrel of crude oil. It mattered not, because the subject of their debates may have changed from one day to the next, but their disdain for nearly everything outside of a couple of whiskeys was the one constant in their pathetic lives.

In the back corner, the only spot in the place with decent lighting was Frank. He was on his fourth of fifth pint by this point and his dart throwing skills were already showing the ill effects of his buzz. He'd only be another beer or two away from challenging anyone and everyone who'd pony-up a ten spot for a game. It was downright comical watching him drop his money repeatedly each time he'd get a taker. Still he tried and still he failed miserably.

Vivian was sitting at the end of the dark mahogany bar intently eying the door in anticipation of the next businessman to walk in. Her advancing age and less than attractive lifestyle had deposited deep lines upon her face, much like a well traveled road in need of significant repair. Trying desperately to compensate for her shortcomings for what many would consider beauty, she typically wore bright colored, tight fitting tops with a low cut opening in front. Showing off her ample size on top she found, helped draw men in much the same way sugar beckons ants to come closer and have a taste. It seemed to be an effective ploy, because the upholstered bar stool next to her never stayed empty for any length of time. Another mark in her favor was the dim lighting of the old pub which helped her cause immensely.

Then their was Shamus, the owner and barkeep of this padded sewer. He was dressed in his usual attire of black slacks with a permanent crease from their no-iron polyester chemistry and a white button down the front shirt with sleeves rolled up just past the wrist. He also wore a hunter green apron that hung just below his stomach and a matching bow tie. His once auburn colored hair gave way to more of a gray hue these days, and his voice once strong and boisterous was now subdued and scratchy from years of inhaling the toxic smoke of his patrons.

I ordered a bourbon and coke and retreated to a table along the south wall. There was a cribbage board sitting on the table that had four matchsticks placed in the holes replacing the colored pegs that had long since disappeared. From their positions I could tell the last game had not ended well for one of the players. The one using matches that had the burnt tips had been skunked, most certainly giving bragging rights to his partner.

I moved the wooden game board and deck of old stained playing cards to the adjacent table and opted for the newspaper that was there instead. The front page headline immediately caught my eye.

"Gruesome discovery leaves police questioning why?" was stretched out in bold black letters. I felt a warm rush as I dove into the words that followed. The police had discovered the remains of at least four bodies so far and were continuing their search, it explained. My fingers tugged playfully with the curly brown hairs adorning my chin and a content smile washed over my face.

"The police may have questions," I thought, "but I have all the answers."

About this same time Shamus reached up to the TV set that was perched above the end of the bar from a large metal arm. Pressing the inset button on the panel, he turned up the volume to hear the newscaster announcing some sort of breaking news.

It was channel eight and Kohr Daniels, the regular evening anchor chimed in, "We interrupt your regular programming to bring you this special report. Police have descended on a local home and at this moment are searching for yet more victims following yesterday's terrible discovery of four bodies in rural Brunswick County. We take you now to Crystal Chong who is live at the scene."

The steel faced anchor with the square jaw continued with, "We're getting reports that the police have found at least three more bodies. Is that right Crystal?"

Video coverage from their news helicopter showed an all too familiar location as the smooth skinned Asian reporter provided the commentary.

"That's right Kohr." Chong said with a voice that was strong, yet conveyed a feeling of concern.

"As you can see, local police as well as a host of other agencies have converged on this once quiet suburban neighborhood."

"It's an unbelievable scene here." she continued, "Right now they are using ground penetrating radar and are looking for voids in the subterranean surface in hopes of finding what they think will be quite a number of previously missing people."

"What kind of sick bastard does something like that?" Shamus uttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Quietly I got up, folded the paper and tucked it under my arm as I started for the door. I knew I needed to get going before they showed a picture of the owner of the home they were at. I knew this because they were at this very moment, digging in my backyard.

Three Films

2011-10-22T15:54:00.000-07:00

We're coming into the homestretch on The Ten Day Challenge, with today's topic of Three Films.

It's interesting to me that at the beginning part of this challenge it seemed difficult to come up with enough answers for the prompt and now it's the exact opposite. Only selecting three films seems an impossible challenge. Do you pick the ones you love? How about the ones you despise? There are ones that make you cry and ones that make you laugh out loud. (That's lol for all you Facebook users and texters out there). Yes, there is a movie for every emotion and life situation you can think of and to limit the choices to three... that's tough.

Oh well, it is what it is.

Here are three movies that came to mind as I was contemplating this post. I'm quite sure if I were to do this again tomorrow, the list would be completely different though.

1. From 1988 "Big" stars Tom Hanks as a young boy who is magically transformed into a 30 year old adult thanks to the coin-op fortune telling machine, "Zoltar Speaks". It's a pretty cute story overall, but what makes this movie memorable to me is because it's what my wife and I watched on our first date. (Insert a great big mushy "Awwwww" here)

2. Going backwards a few years is the 1936 musical, "The Great Ziegfeld". Although I'm not real big on musicals generally, I do love movies from this era. Well before the special effects, digital sound editing and unbelievably huge budgets of today, there were these gems where quality acting and beautiful stage scenes were the key. The dance number in which this giant rotating spiral staircase was a pivotal piece of is a magnificent work of art. While watching it, what makes it even more impressive is knowing that the entire scene (several minutes long with an immense amount of choreography) was done with a single shot. No second takes, not multiple cameras, no splice editing, just one continuous, amazing shot!

3. In 1975 Jack Nicholson led a cast of crazies in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" I've seen this film several times and I still enjoy it as much as I did the first time. I can not imagine anyone else in the role of McMurphy other than Nicholson. In my opinion he was the perfect fit. And don't forget about the despicable Nurse Ratchet played by Louise Fletcher. Didn't you just want to strangle her to death? Oh ya, McMurphy just about does. The electric shock therapy scenes put a chill down my spine every time too.

Four Books

2011-10-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

Time to return to The Ten Day Challange. Today's topic: Four Books

At first I started thinking about which four novels I'd list. A tough challenge for sure having to narrow that list to only four. Then I started thinking about another set of books that have held my attention for quite some time. A little bit of a spin on the challenge I suppose.

The following four books from my library would unlikely be designated as light reading by anyone. They do however, represent approximately 4,200 combined pages of some of the most detailed information you'll find anywhere on the subject of French/American cooking. I truly love these books and refer back to them often when I'm working in the kitchen.

1. "Larousse Gastronomique"
This is not your typical cookbook at all. In fact, there isn't a single recipe that I recall seeing in between its two covers. Instead, this is an encyclopedia for all things food. Not exactly what you'd consider a "page turner", but as a reference tool, it's unparalleled.

2. "The New Professional Chef"
Produced by the Cullinary Institute of America, This in depth book should be owned by anyone that's serious about the culinary arts. The recipes are geared for restaurant sized portions, but in most cases with the proper calculations, can be scaled down for home use.

3. "The Professional Pastry Chef"
Written by Bo Friberg, this book is nothing short of amazing. I was fortunate enough, as was my wife, to have trained with Bo while at the Culinary Institute of America and let me tell you, working side by side with this guy was incredible. This is one of those cook books that you don't just simply pick up and decide, "Hmmm, I think I'll make this recipe today." without first having a firm grasp on the world of baking and pastry. For those willing to invest the time, this book is an invaluable resource.

4. "The Way to Cook"
Written by none other than Julia Child. This book is the smallest of the bunch, but at approximately 500 pages, it is still quite beefy. (pun intended). If you want an all purpose cookbook that will have you whipping up dishes like a pro, buy this book. It has excellent tips and very clear recipes to follow.

A New Word

2011-10-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

We temporarily interrupt the Ten Day Challenge to bring you this new word just created by yours truly.

Pastorized
(verb)
1. To be preached to fervently.

As in:
I went to a Southern Baptist church on Sunday and the preacher shouted hell, fire and brimstone from the pulpit for an hour straight. I got pastorized.

Five Foods

2011-10-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

Food... ah, glorious food. Like water, but with more flavor, it's something we can't live without. A trip to the bathroom scales tells me I could probably live with a little less though!

Be that as it may, today's question from the Ten Day Challenge is "Five Foods", so here are some of my favorites and one that is clearly not.

Photo from Simplyrecipes.com

1. Prime Rib. Looking at that picture almost makes me feel sorry for vegetarians... well, almost. One of the great things about prime rib is that it's usually accompanied by mashed potatoes and gravy. That combo could easily make my list too, but for now I'll just leave it here where it belongs, right next to that salt & pepper crusted, fat laiden, aromatic P R I M E R I B !!!

Photo by avlxyz on Flicker

2. Sushi seems to be one of those love or hate type of foods. Here's a little tidbit about me: When I was working in the restaurant industry, I spent a small stint working at a sushi bar. I was the only round eye there and as I look back on that experience I can't help but think about how cool that was.

Photo from Yorkblog.com

3. There are a number of desserts that rank up there in the "I like" category, but making the top of the list would be Creme Burlee. The simple ingredients, (egg yolks, heavy cream, sugar and vanilla) work perfectly together. I love the crisp caramelized sugar on top along with the chilled, velvety custard.

Photo from Turbokick.com

4. I've always enjoyed a good Salad Bar. We used to go to the Sizzler from time to time when I was growing up. I remember them having a great salad bar. It can be an entire meal in itself.

Photo from Kaylynskitchen.com

5. It's my opinion that anyone who would willingly eat an artichoke should have his or her head examined. It's a thistle people! It makes me wonder at what point some poor misguided soul went out into the sticker patch, looked at the knobby, green leafed bulb at the end of the stalk and said, "Wow, now that looks tasty! Think I'll take it inside, steam the snot out of it and then scrape the leaves against my teeth to enjoy the paste like substance contained within." One word Y U C K !!!

Six Places

2011-10-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of the Ten Day Challenge asks us about six places. Here's my two cents worth.

1. As a place this one's as big as it gets. I've always been fascinated with space.I took an astronomy class in college and it captured both my rational understanding and my imagination. With every answer we get, there are at least a hundred questions that follow.


Courtesy of NASA.gov

2. I mentioned the Pacific Ocean before in my lists of "Loves". I've enjoyed beaches from Baja to Washington. Running in the early morning hours along Moonlight Beach. The Blow Hole in Ensenada. Crabbing on the Oregon Coast... A lot of fond memories.

3.Washington DC is an amazing place. I went there about twenty-five years ago. I toured the Capitol Mall and was in awe of all the history that surrounded me there. The Lincoln memorial wowed me, but the most humbling experience was standing in the middle of Arlington Cemetery. I didn't know a single person who'd been laid to rest there, but I found myself standing there weeping at all the loss. I've never had a place move me like that before or since.

4. There's a place in eastern Oregon near Sunriver where there are lava tubes underground that you can walk through. We went during the summer and even though the temps outside were in the 90's, the temp in the caves was only around 40. It stays pretty consistent throughout the year because they are about seventy feet below the surface. Walking through them with the family holding lanterns and flashlights was pretty cool. Literally and figuratively.

5. One of my favorite places is San Francisco. I spent my young adult life living about an hour north of the city. Italian food at North Beach...yum! Giants and 49ers games at Candlestick Park...usually pretty cold, but a bunch of fun. I always got to play tour guide when friends would come to visit. BTW- October is usually a great month to go there. Even though I've lived in the Portland area for more than ten years now, I still consider the bay area home.

Photo By: Rich Niewiroski Jr.

6. Midland Texas is one place I have absolutely no desire to ever go to again...Ever! My oldest brother and his wife lived there for a brief time many years ago. Mom and I went there to visit once and I can remember it being the flattest place I've ever seen. I think the highest hill there was actually a freeway overpass! I also remember experiencing the wildest thunder and lightning storm ever while there. We were in a mobile home and that did not help me feel any more secure.

Seven Wants

2011-10-17T19:12:00.000-07:00

After a brief break for some fiction, it's time to get back to the Ten Day Challenge.

For reference I picked this up from a newly found blog called "Carp Dime"

You can also check out CrystalChick who just started it up today.

Today is a list of seven wants:

1. I want to turn on the evening news and hear the following, "Today marks the tenth anniversary of peace between Egypt and Israel."

2. I want to open up my monthly mortgage statement and see, "Balance Due - $0.00"

3. I want to travel more. There are a number of destinations in this country I'd like to visit.

4. I want telemarketers to drop off the face of the earth.

5. I want to drive the I5 & 217 split just one time without some moron darting into the exit lane in the very last possible second.

6. I want to see my father again. I miss him.

7. I want to learn sign language.

If you were to ask who had the coolest mom, we'd have told you hands down it was Gary Butler's mom, Mrs "B". Heck, she was probably the best in Alpine Springs, maybe even in the whole state.

On those long hot days of summer Mrs B would always have a big plate of bologna and cheese sandwiches for us to munch on and a pitcher of of ice cold lemon-aid to quench our thirsts.

Sunday's were one of my favorite days to happen by Gary's place. Like most of us back then he had a house with one of those big covered porches in front and you could bet your bicycle Mrs B would be sitting on the bench swing reading from an old tattered black, leather bound Bible. You also knew on the table next to her would be a large ceramic platter with a couple dozen freshly baked cookies.

I never realized until that summer that there were so many different kinds of cookies. She made oatmeal-raisen ones and little ball shaped ones dusted with powdered sugar. There were round scalloped edged ones with jam filled centers. There were peanut butter cookies complete with criss crosses on top and then there were my favorites of course, chocolate chip with walnuts. Those in particular were best when they were still warm in the center from the oven and you could smell the melted chocolate hovering in the air.

The cookies sat there ready for the taking, but they did come with one small price. Before we could have one, (or two, or three) she'd read a verse from the good book and then ask each person if she could pray for them. Saying yes was never a prerequisite to getting your treat, but we always figured it wouldn't hurt either. Most of us thought it was a little goofy at the time, but now that I sit here all these years later preparing my sermon for the upcoming Sunday service I remember Mrs B's cookies and prayers and it puts a smile on my aging face.

The weekly trip to the cookie laden platter was great, but there was one other thing Mrs B did that clearly put her into the "Mom Hall of Fame".

It was the last week in August when summer vacation was coming to a close and the threat of another school year loomed on the horizon. I think Gary's mom knew we needed a boost and boy oh boy did she come through in a big way.

Making the rounds from one buddy's house to another, we eventually ended up at Gary's, and there it was. Hanging on the back fence was a hand drawn map. Not just any map mind you, but a fell fledged treasure map, complete with an "X" marking a yet undisclosed location. Scribed at the bottom in elegant handwriting were the words, "Young pirates... An adventure awaits you. Go forth, follow the clues and you will find the hidden gold!". It was signed, "Mrs Blackbeard".

I'm sure they heard us three counties away as we danced about cheering and shouting. With the speed of a gold medal relay team we tore around the side of the house to the front porch where a smiling Mrs B was waiting. Dressed in black pants, a white blouse and a scarlet sash tied around her mid section, she definitely looked the part of the piratess. She even had one of those traditional black flags with the skull and cross bones on it flying proudly where she normally kept one of her flower pattered ones.

"Where is it?"

Where's the gold Mrs B?", we cried loudly.

Through her ear to ear grin she handed us a rolled up scroll and said simply, "You found the map and now you have the clues to go along with it. Take them and find your gold."

Then she interjected, "Oh, and before you go, you may want these."

The "These" she was referring to was a bag full of bandannas, eye patches, feathers for our hair and even a couple of plastic swords. Yep, we were unmistakably a band of pirates now and were ready for our quest.

The next two or so hours would take us all over the neighborhood and even through the nearby park. From one discovery to the next, we trudged about, hooping and hollering all the way. With swords raised high we practiced our "Arrrgh's" and "Aye Matey's".

Up trees and over fences we went hoping each clue would be the one that ultimately led us to our treasure, and that's when we found it; the clue that said, "Congratulations young pirates, you've made it this far. Now go to Blackbeard's hideout and look for the X."

We knew exactly what it meant. Blackbeard's hideout was Mrs B's house.

"I knew it!" we all yelled. Like being shot from a cannon we took off for Gary's pla... that is, Blackbeard's place.

Once again we found Mrs B on the front porch.

"Where's the X?" we squealed.

Shrugging her shoulders and lifting her palms up she said, "Don't know. Maybe out back?"

That's all we needed. Around back we went like a flash. Pinned to the fence just where we started was a new note. This one said, "You are here". Below it was freshly tilled soil with a giant X placed on top of it fashioned out of golden fabric and leaning on the cedar fenced next to it was a shovel.

Gary got the honors and started digging. A few scoops in we all heard a "Clank!" Dropping the shovel Gary and the rest of us fell to our knees and started pawing at the dirt unearthing the small metal box that now doubled as a treasure chest. We lifted it out of the ground and popped open the lid. Our eyes opened wide and jaws fell agape as we looked inside. Dozens and dozens of gold coins lay glistening before us in the late summer sunlight. They were chocolate filled of course, but as far as we were concerned, they were pure gold.

~~~

Dedicated to my mom who was and still is a Mrs B mom.

Eight Fears

2011-10-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

Day three of ten.

Today we look at eight things that give me angst.

1. I'm afraid of dying. This is not to be confused with death itself mind you. Being dead really doesn't bother me. I'm quite at peace with where I'll be after my time on this earth is done, it's the actual process of dying I'm not to keen on. There are too many ugly ways of meeting the end and none of them seem like ones I want to have to endure.

2. Potato bugs. YUCK!!! I can handle spiders, snakes and all other sorts of creepy crawlies, but these prehistoric looking one ounce pieces of nasty just plain freak me out!

3. Heights. I'm sure it's a type of vertigo. Actually being up high, such as on a tall building or a bridge for instance, doesn't bug me tremendously unless I'm at the edge and that's when I feel the imaginary pull. I know it's not real and I know it's not rational, but it still scares me just the same.

4. Not trying. This is a fear that seems to have a reverse effect and actually empowers me. I'm afraid I'll be an old man and realize I didn't take a chance when I should have. This fear has caused me to take calculated risks; most of which have proven to be good choices. Not all, but most.

5. Dancing. Maybe fear is a strong word for this one, but I realize I completely suck at it so my fear is that I'll look like an idiot out on the dance floor.

6. Not being a good enough father. I try to find a balance between providing for my boys, (i.e. working) and spending time with them. It's a constant challenge.

7. That I won't make it to number eight without running out of fears to talk about.

8. Scary movies. Don't like them; not one little bit. I remember as a kid going to watch some horror flick with my older brothers I'd make sure to have a really BIG soda. That way I could pretend to be taking a drink from it when a scary part was coming up, when in actuality I was merely hiding my eyes within the rim of the cup!

Nine Loves

2011-10-14T23:00:00.000-07:00

The next installment of the 10 day challenge.

Nine of my Loves

1. My family. Ya ya, I know, maybe it's a cheesy answer, but seriously, I have a great family. My wife and I are coming up on 20 years of marriage. We were friends before we were lovers and we've managed to grow closer over the years. I/we have two boys and they're pretty darned good kids if I do say so myself.

2. Quite possibly the worlds most perfect food... Ice Cream. Most flavors are good, but for me, nothing beats Chocolate Chip!

3. The San Francisco 49ers. I was a fan back when Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Ronnie Lott, Steve Young and the rest of the gang were racking up Super Bowl rings. I've continued to be a fan in recent years too, even though the wins haven't been as easy to come by.

4. I love a great comedy as well as a good tragedy.

5. Jesus Christ. He loved me first and I now I love him.

6. I'm typically on the go all the time. Camping is one of the few things that allows me to completely relax.

7. The ocean. All of my adult life I've lived within two hours of the Pacific Ocean. Maybe I'm part fish (I am a Pisces after all), but there is something that draws me to the sand and surf.

8. My yellow lab Bianca. She's been a faithful companion for about nine years now.

9. Honesty. It may not always be the easiest path to take, but I really value people who are honest with me, and perhaps more importantly, with themselves.

Secrets

2011-10-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

Saw this at a new blog I've discovered and thought about giving it a whirl as well.

Where I discovered it: "Carp Dime"

Where he got it: "Ha Ha, Wait. What?"

Before that? I have no idea and besides, I think that's quite enough link love for one sitting.

Day One - Ten Secrets

1. I put pizza boxes in the curbside recycle can even though it clearly states not to do that. Their clean, their cardboard... deal with it!

2. My real name is Jeff

3. I once went two days without changing my undies. My mother would be mortified to know this. Sssshh.

4. I can't tell you number four... it's a secrete.

5. I once took a twenty dollar bill OUT of the offering basket at church when it went by.

6. I have a crush on Cameron Diaz. OK, so she's probably the only one that doesn't know this little tidbit, but doesn't that make it a secrete as far as she's concerned?

7. Number five is a bold faced lie. Made ya wonder about me though didn't it?

8. Easily 99.9% of the Christmas presents my mother-in-law has given me over the years have ended up at either Goodwill or Salvation Army. Let's just say her taste in clothes is a bit different than mine.

9. I learned to write in cursive way back when, but I never write that way. I always print.

10. I've been known to bring my own candy bar into the theater. By doing this over the past 30+ years I've probably saved a few hundred dollars, or about three large tubs of popcorn.

The Call

2011-10-09T08:11:00.000-07:00

A writing prompt from "Sunday Scribblings".

"The Call"

The time on the game clock showed a mere eight seconds left. West Slope High had been controlling the tempo of the game for the better part of the evening, but our boys from East Ridge fought back fiercely and managed to narrow the gap to a manageable three points. It was now what everybody on our side of the cold aluminum bleachers hoped for, a final push down the rain soaked field culminating into a "W" for us.

During the previous down, Cody Grant, our six-two, all American quarterback dropped back three steps for a pass play into the well protected pocket his linemen created . Unfortunately, when he went to plant his foot for a throw, he slipped in the mud and went down. It was no surprise though, because where there used to be lush green turf before the torrential rains of the evening and the constant trampling by all the boys in cleats was now nothing more than a giant mud hole. Somehow, miraculously it seemed, Cody regained his footing and squirmed to the left, narrowly missing being crushed by West Slope's Goliath of a defensive tackle. Scrambling, Cody found a receiver down field and let go of the perfect spiral. Our wide receiver David Bradly had managed to stay one step ahead of the defender and with outstretched arms grabbed the ball as it fell perfectly into his grasp. As he hit the ground, he slid (more like hydroplaned) another six yards before being touched by West Slope's safety and ruled down.

Using our last time out, Coach Hacket stopped the clock with only eight ticks left. The ball was on the twelve yard line, and on a good night, well within field goal range. He knew he had a tough choice to make and the remaining time would only allow for one play. A field goal would tie the game and send it into overtime, but the conditions of the field made what would have normally been a easy shot, into a probable one at best. A touchdown would signal a win and would also garner him a Gatorade bath from the boys on the sidelines. On the flip side, he knew if they went for it and were unsuccessful, their season would abruptly come to an end.

With the game on the line and the advancement to the state championships at stake, Coach Hacket was prepared to take his chances with the ball on the ground. He called a reverse, banking on the defense looking for another pass play. As the team stood huddled in a large circle on the sideline, Coach gave them the play and called out, "East Ridge on three. One, Two, Three...", and all the players shouted in unison, "EAST RIDGE!"

Eleven mud soaked boys walked to the line with cheers from the stands encouraging them on. The referee blew his whistle signaling the ball ready for play. Cody started his cadence yelling out, "Blue forty-two. Blue forty-two. Hut, hut, hike..." and the center snapped the ball into his waiting hands. The defense sent most of their guys into coverage expecting a pass, but didn't completely sell out, sending a tackle off the strong side toward Cody. It was exactly what Coach had hoped for. Cody dropped back a few steps and handed the ball off to the running back Derrick Combs who reversed direction and took it up the weak side toward the end zone. As he raced across the five yard line, the defense adjusted and was barring down on him. Coming up on the end zone he was met by a wall of red jerseys with only one intent; stopping him from crossing the line.

With the clock at zero and a pile of players in both red and white uniforms mixed with brownish mud and green grass stains, the referee blew his whistle. The game was officially over and somewhere at the bottom of the pile was the football. The only question was, did Derrick manage to cross into the end zone or not? With everyone in the stands on our feet we waited for the call as the refs pulled bodies off the pile one by one.

After a few seconds, which seemed more like hours as we watched, the two line judges looked at each other, nodded their heads in agreement and simultaneously threw both their arms straight up into the air signaling "TOUCHDOWN!"

Comments Open

2011-10-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a friend, it was pointed out that I forgot to turn the comments back on when I fired this blog back up. I think we're good to go again.

Mares Eat Oats

2011-10-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what triggers certain memories of my dad, but whatever the reason, I had one today.

We were driving down the highway in his old red Dodge truck and he was singing a song from 1944 by the Pied Pipers called, "Mares Eat Oats".

I must have only been six or maybe seven years old, but I can still picture that moment in time as if it happened yesterday. We were in Susanville, California and it was a crystal clear day with a deep blue sky overhead as we zipped down the road. I can smell the Ponderosa Pines and other evergreens that covered the mountainous landscape. The dashboard of the truck was quite simplistic by today's standards. A few gauges and the trusty old radio. Remember when radios had four or five black push buttons on them for presets? This was one of those types.

Of all the things I remember about this snippet in time, my favorite is seeing my dad with a sheepish grin on his face singing in his deep voice, "Mares it oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you. A kid'll eat ivy to wouldn't you..."

If you're so inclined and would like to hear the song, I've included the link below.

I love when these memories flash back across the brainwaves.

Here's the link http://www.archive.org/details/PiedPipers-MaresEatOats1944

He's Baaaaack

2011-10-02T18:06:00.000-07:00

Tap, Tap, Tap....

Hello... is this thing on?

I've been away from this blog for about a year and a half now. Wow! I put together another blog and wrote on it for a bit, but that didn't seem to stick. All the change came form my worrying too much about what other people thought about me. "What if I say this? What if I say that?"Maybe you know the feeling.

Well, in the words of Popeye "I am what I am."

I've decided that I'm reconciled with Christ and frankly that's all that matters. He knows my heart and my intentions. The rest of the world can choose to like me or not and neither is going to make a flipping bit of difference in another hundred years.

So why come back now after the loooooong hiatus? Well, I miss writing; whether it's a short story or jusrt a paragraph about something trivial. Perhaps in between my chaotic schedule I'll find the time to pen a few words now and again. Facebook is alright, but it doesn't afford the same creative outlet I'm looking for.

So if you happen to still have this site in your reader and you've come back for another look... Thank you.

More to follow soon... really!

So Long To "A Word in Edgewise"

2010-03-15T16:59:00.000-07:00

Time to close the pages on this chapter. It's been a fun ride for sure, but as most of you know, I've decided to pack things up and move to a new location/site.

In my last post I mentioned wanting to have a site where I would feel comfortable inviting anyone I know to come by and read, even a pastor from church. GSAP!!! That raised a few questions from some of you. (Thank you for the comments and emails)

I just wanted to clear the air about the "anyone" reading part and a couple of other things that were mentioned.

Like some of you may have contemplated doing, I thought of putting together a place where no one I know in "real life" would know about. There I could say anything I wanted to without fear of having to answer to it later. In essence I could be anonymous, a chameleon. That does have an appealing aspect to it for sure, but the more I thought about it, the more this thing called being a Christian kept nudging at me. Let me splain...

One of the things that has turned me off to so called Christians on more than one occasion has been a little thing called hypocrisy. Claiming or preaching one set of standards while living by another. Or... portraying to be a certain type of person while in the presence of one group of individuals, while being totally different around others.

As I looked over my previous posts I came to the realization that I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing a few of them with just everybody in my webs of relationships. By and large I don't think I'd worry about 99% of them, but it was that one percent that was bugging me. Case in point: A couple of posts back... I saw a cactus that made me think, "Now there's a limp prick." Was it funny? Yeah I think so, but would I have said that in front of one of the pastors at church? Not likely.

So went the rub. Why would I say something here on my blog that I wouldn't say to a guy from church?

OK, so does this mean I'll never say anything offensive again. I'm quite sure the answer to that is no (Welcome to being human), but maybe it means I can at least try a bit harder to watch myself in this venue

Also, it does not mean I'm turning into some hollier than thou type. There are far too many of those individuals who have their head firmly planted in the sand running around.

~~~

One other thing that came up in an email was: Perhaps I was worried about what someone I know might read in the comment section. Trust me, censoring what any of you have to say is not my intention. As I have maintained all along and will continue to do with the new site, the only comments I will remove are spam or hate filled ones. The later I fortunately have never encountered from anyone.

(I have done away with anonymous comments though. I was getting spammed on a semi-regular basis and it was driving me batty.)

~~~

I mentioned that the things I've said/written about in the past are all a part of who I am. It was asked of me, "If these things are all a part of you, then why change?"

I don't really plan on changing the type of posts I write or even the style in which I write them, just some word choices and overall content. In other words, I'll still be the same nut job I've always been. (You'll understand when you see the title of the new blog.) The change is simply (hopefully) an outward way of expressing the same person I am.

~~~

OK, over analyzed enough? Yeah, I thought so. Bottom line...I'm just having a do over.

So without further ado, The new blog is going to be called "Running With Scissors" and can be found here. Or, if you prefer to copy and paste it in your menu bar, http://runningw-scissors.blogspot.com/

Thank you all for spending time with me here over the past couple of years, and I hope to see you at the new digs. Your friendship has and will continue to be of great value and inspiration to me and your comments are what keeps me wanting to keep posting.

Time For a Change

2010-03-10T14:38:00.001-08:00

Hey there.

In the past few weeks I've contemplated whether or not to keep this blog going or to just shut it down. No big "life changing" event has taken place.I just feel like shifting gears from where I've gone with this site so far. The biggest question that I've kept asking myself is this, "Would I feel comfortable giving this URL to everyone I know?" And trust me, it didn't take much effort on my part to quickly answer with a "Not bloody likely!" Sure, my wife, mom, and one brother read it. A few other extended family members read it from time to time and a couple of "real life" friends stop by on occasion, but that's far from everyone I know.

How about any of the pastors from the church I attend? Would I feel comfortable with them reading here? Hmmmm... I know none of them would put themselves on a pedestal and claim to be above another person, but I certainly don't think I'd feel comfortable with them reading all the things I've come up with over the past couple of years.

Am I ashamed of some of the things I've said? Heck no. Far from it in fact. All of the posts here have been a part of who I am. Sometimes serious, often times wacky, and all points in between. I just think I'm ready to tone it down a notch.

Some of you may be saying, "Tone what down? You're pretty tame."

In many respects you're probably right, in other circles not so much possibly.

Guess it's all a matter of perspective.

I read far more vocal and visual posts from several of you I know. That doesn't bother me at all. I've enjoyed my interactions thus far. Again, I'm just ready to change my own way of communicating, not any of you.

I'm working on a new site that I can start up soon. It'll be a clean slate so to speak.

Don't know if this makes any sense or not, but thought I'd share a bit of what's been on my mind of late.

I'll be sure to post again with the details of the new digs when it's ready.

In the mean time, for any of you with a computer (yeah that's all of us) here's a spin on the Abbot and Costello classic "Who's on First" that is downright hilarious. Click here to read it. Your funny bone will be glad you did!

Goodbye Dr. John

2010-02-15T21:37:00.000-08:00

After taking a week away due to work, I turned on the computer today only to find some rather sad news. I learned the blogging world is a little bit quieter today. Dr. John of "Dr. John's Fortress" passed away earlier today.

I met John about a year or so ago when I was writing "Wordzzles". (a writing challenge hosted by another site.) He instantly impressed me with his command of witty writing and his flare for words large and ~~small~~ larger. He continued his story telling on Portrait of Words and co-hosted that site (along with Thom) in my absence. On his own site, he offered up sermons on Sundays, entertained us with tales of the happenings in a town known as Pigeon Falls and kept us abreast of the poor bungling Agent 012. (my personal favorite)

Our visits to each others sites waned over the past couple of months. Don't know why, just did. I wish now I'd have gone by more often.

I'll miss John. . .

Sometimes it's not easy or comfortable saying something when another passes, but the ones left behind can always use a kind word or thought. If you have a mind to, please go by and leave a note for John's wife Betty. She writes on a blog that can be found here.

Yes I'm 43 Going on 12

2010-02-04T17:02:00.000-08:00

While at work today I saw this cactus at the corner of the patio and the first thing I thought of was,

"Now there's a limp prick"

Whistle While You Work

2010-01-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

Since so many of you have asked, I thought I'd share with you what it is I do for work. OK, that's a lie. No one has ever asked... that I can remember, but what the heck, I'm gonna share anyway.

About six years ago I started transitioning by business away from general contracting (remodels, painting, drywall, etc.) to a more specialized field. Now, along with my brother Mark, I transform blah or downright ugly concrete floors into ones that the owners can be proud of.

The pictures below are very often a representation of what we find when we show up.

(Concrete floors with failing paint, oil stains, etc.)

After a significant amount of surface preparation and a variety of
products, these are some of the results we achieve.

Residential Garage

Epoxy with colored chip broadcast into the finish

Artist's Studio

Acid Stain

Paint Store

Epoxy with colored chip broadcast into the finish
& Clear epoxy combo

Residential Garage

Epoxy with colored chip lightly broadcast into the finish

(Ultra high gloss finish)

Residential Garage

Epoxy with colored chip broadcast into the finish

Fire Station

Gray urethane w/ yellow urethane safety stripe

These are all finishes applied over concrete slabs.
Cool no?

Yepee...More Taxes

2010-01-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

Way to go Oregon voters. 55% of you decided you haven't donated enough money to the government and as an act of ~~boneheaded stupidity~~ kindness passed measures 66 and 67 tonight.

Oh, but wait, by passing these measures we will be helping the schools you claim. Riiiight. Seems to me the same argument/reasoning was used in 1984 when the state lottery was passed. Let's see...how has that worked out? Well, guess what? It hasn't! The classrooms are still without many of the necessary essentials to operate on their own on a daily basis. Every year the list of items that has to be supplied by parents grows, and grows, and grows some more. The teachers very often find themselves dipping into their own pockets too trying to provide items that should be on hand, but aren't because the funds aren't there. Is this because no money is being spent on the lottery? Hell no! It's because B.S. stories of how money will be funneled into the school systems with the likes of the lottery and measures 66 & 67 are just another bunch of lies perpetuated by government officials, school administrators and other money hungry pukes for the sole purpose of padding their retirement funds.The money is there alright, it's just not going to where it should.

With an unemployment rate at 11% currently, the way to insure that it will rise is to do exactly what you have just done. Raise taxes on business owners and corporations.

Yeah I know, politics on this blog... Every once in a blue moon I go there.

For 99.9% of you reading this, these measures passing in Oregon will have little to no impact on you. I know it may not apply to you, but I just had to vent my displeasure with this particular vote.

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Old Friend

2010-01-25T18:47:00.000-08:00

Today marks Bubble Wrap's 50th Birthday!!!

Wahooo!!!

Who has not enjoyed a sheet or two of this during their lifetime? Ha, just thinking about this stuff puts a smile on my face. I've poked at the little bubbles one by one, put them on the ground and stomped on them and even twisted a sheet of them to get that machine gun like effect. Each and every time it's brought out my inner twelve year old.

And to think, some people even use them to ship things with. What fun is that?

Don't have any Bubble Wrap lying around to enjoy? No worries, click here. Once there scroll down and click on "Pop Some Virtual Bubble-Wrap Now" and you can have a virtual piece of your very own to pop. You use your mouse or touch pad to pop the bubbles (hint- hold down the shift key while popping to pop a bunch of them at a time).

Enjoy

Randon Thoughts

2010-01-22T20:28:00.000-08:00

This world of Blogging has introduced me to some pretty cool people. That means you... aaaand you... aaaand you over there. . .yeah, you too.

~~~

We were at the mall tonight and as we walked by one cart after another (The ones located in between the stores in the middle of the walkways) I couldn't help but feel like we were at the county fair. The people working at these carts are like a bunch of damned carnies.

"How about a new case for your cell phone?"...
"Come over and take a look at these great deals on these sunglasses!"...
"Calendars, 75% off!!!"...

It seems that you can't even walk through the mall without these cretins of sales coming after your pocketbook. Sheesh!

~~~

What would you call it if Gary Cooper were around, went on Martha Stewart's show and baked cookies with her?

High Noon Macaroons

~~~

Work continues to be as busy as it is during a normal SUMMER. Yeah baby!!!

~~~

When dropped, cats always land on their feet. Convexly, buttered toast will always land butter side down.

I propose the following:

Butter the top of a cat and hold it out at arms length. When dropped it will miraculously hover just inches off the ground!

~~~

They say money doesn't bring us happiness, but I know for a fact, my mood improves dramatically when my bank account has a positive balance as opposed to a negative one.

~~~

I received great customer service on more than one occasion this week. My faith in humanity has been restored.

~~~

The last two movies I've seen at the theater have been very good. "Avatar" and "Sherlock Holmes". My faith in Hollywood has been restored. We're on a roll.

~~~

That's it for today kiddos.

Make a Freakin' Decision Would Ya!

2010-01-19T21:02:00.000-08:00

Is it me or has the world gone stupid?

While at Starbucks this morning I was waiting behind a thirty something year old woman who, when presented with the question,"What can I get you?" from the younger girl behind the counter, proceeded with a monosyllabic, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....." This drawn out one letter response continued for what felt like hours.

Let me tell you, it took all the strength I possessed to not to slap that woman up beside the head and scream at the top of my lungs, "It's a flipping coffee shop you mental midget! How about ordering a cup of coffee!!!"

A moment later the princess of pathetic managed to find a consonant to go along with a brand new vowel and uttered, "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm....."

Wow, now we're getting somewhere!

I started to think with progress like this, by 2012 she might actually put it all together and place an order.

By now the line was several bodies deep and there seemed to be a collective "WTF", unspoken, but none-the-less ever present. Then, just before my hands wrapped tightly around her throat, the young woman in front of me managed to whisper, "I'll have a Grande Mocha."

Lord take me home! A decision has been made.

Crimany, I felt like I was on the USS Minnow from Gilligan's Island, "Three hour tour, Three hour tour..."

Was I wound too tight? Probably so, but come on, how darned hard is it to order a simple cup of coffee for cryin out loud?

Changing Colors

2010-01-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

I got a wild hair up my backside and decided to start playing with the colors on the blog. Not sure if I'm going to stick with it the way it is or change it around some more. Do feel free to weigh in with your opinion. Like it...hate it? Too dark? Is it the best thing since sliced bread? Lay it on me. Heck, I might even listen to what you have to say...

A Trip To Remember

2010-01-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

We made it home safe and sound from our trip, and with excellent timing on our return I might add. The day after we got back it snowed a few inches. The amount may have been small, but in the Portland area it doesn't take all that much to wreak havoc on the highways. It did create some pretty good business for the auto wreckers though. Anyhoodle, we were warm and dry at home watching the news coverage instead of being stuck in it with everybody else and that was a-ok with us.

I'll be sharing some photos of the trip with you in the next few days. In the mean time I thought I'd share a story from one of my most memorable camping trips with my buddy Randy. You may recall he is the one who is going through cancer treatments right now. I really wanted to see him while we were down there, but the day we were supposed to go to his place he wasn't feeling up to it. Overall he is doing well, all things considered, but was just having an exceptionally bad day. Let me reiterate my disdain for cancer.

I originally posted this true story when I first started blogging, but I don't know if any of you read my site back then. Thought you might enjoy seeing it now.

~~~

"Tastes Like Chicken"

In order to laugh at the world it's important we remember to laugh at ourselves once in a while. So please enjoy a chuckle at my expense.

Nearly a decade ago I went on several backpacking trips throughout the northern California area with a longtime friend of mine. Randy and I covered a lot of ground back then, ranging from places like the Marin County coast at Point Reyes to Desolation Wilderness in the Sierra Mountains near Lake Tahoe. This particular late summer morning our destination was slightly farther north, to a place called Bloody Rock. This is a remote area in Humboldt County where Cold Creek (which lives up to its name) runs into the Eel River.

Getting to the trail head from the city we lived in meant about a two and a half hour drive, so we decided to maximize our three day weekend by getting a early start. I had my Camero loaded and ready for the drive. It should be noted that this was not one of my brightest moments in history. You see this wonderful American made piece of automotive technology had a habit of dying at stop signs and burning through oil faster than a hummingbird on steroids going after nectar. Oh, and did I mention that we would be driving the last hour of our trip on a gravel road through the foothills in a sports car? OK so now you know I'm not exactly a rocket scientist, but hey, I was younger then and figured I had thought through parts one and two already. I threw three quarts of oil behind the front seat and figured we weren't going to encounter a lot of cross traffic at stop signs up in the hills.

4:00am the alarm rings. It's a quick shower and I'm off to pick-up my buddy. A few minutes later and I arrive at Randy's house. He throws his gear in the back of the car and suggests we stop by the bagel shop where his wife Mo (short for Monica) is working so he can say goodbye. She's busy getting ready to open the shop by five, but takes the time to give Randy the obligatory "be safe, do you have your cell phone?, did you put on clean underwear?........".

While we're there we load up on still warm, fresh bagels and coffee. I also grabbed a Superfood drink for later. Now if you're not familiar with this, it's a fruit juice and Spirulina blend with several other goodies mixed in just for fun and giggles. It tastes great but looks kind of like pond scum, (i.e. thick and dark green) It tends to make people go "yuck" just by looking at it and phrases like, "you're not really going to drink that are you?" are common. To tell you the truth I think that's really why I like it. Armed with all the essentials, it's out to the car. Putting the bagels and juice behind the front seat we are now ready for our big adventure.

The first hour of our journey is filled with laughter and stories. Just regular fun, but otherwise uneventful. That my friends is about to change! We had just crossed over the green bridge on our way into Hopland, the coffee is long gone and I'm a bit dry from munching on bagels. Perfect time for my Superfood! So I reach behind the seat and grab my treat, shake it up well, twist off the plastic lid and take a nice big gulp.

Let me pause for a moment and remind you that it's late summer at around 5:00am. It is therefore, still dark outside and I'm not completely awake yet. Once again that is about to change!

As I slam on the brakes swerving to a stop at the side of the road I grab the bag of bagels and jump out of the car. At this point Randy's eyes are about the size of frying pans and he's yelling, "WHAT !?!" over and over again. Meanwhile I'm grabbing bagels, biting off hunks, chewing them for a couple of seconds then spitting them out along the roadway. All the time Randy is getting more agitated, "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT'S GOING ON!!!" he insists.

Let me pause again and take you back to an earlier part of this story. We've already established that it's dark and I'm not wide awake. Now remember the part about my car needing oil on a regular basis? Friends, early in the morning it's not always easy to feel the difference between a plastic juice container and a quart of Castrol 10W30 motor oil. I have never tasted anything so foul in all my days before nor have I since.

Now I only recall my friend crying one time before and that was because of a death in the family, but let me tell you he cried tears of laughter that August morning. For the rest of that weekend any time it would get quiet he would get a smirk on his face, followed shortly after by chuckle or an amusing (to him) comment.

I'm pretty sure the laughter was one sided that weekend, but looking back at it now, it's a memory with my friend I wouldn't change for all the wealth in the world.

A Short Greeting

2009-12-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd put a quick post together to say howdy. We're in California for the next week. Stopped at my bothers house and stayed overnight, then made the second part of our journey to the bay area. Not sure what I did, but it feels like someone set a grenade off in my left kneecap. Dang O'Mally it hurts.

Today we conquered San Francisco. I'll save the details until I'm back home and can download a few pictures to go along with the story. For now I'll just leave it at, we all had a fantastic time.

In case I don't post again until the big day, Merry Christmas.

I'll be checking in on you when I can over the next few days, but probably won't be around too much till I get back home.

"Oh Ficus Tree, Oh Ficus Tree..."

2009-12-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

Everybody, sing with me: "Oh ficus tree, oh ficus tree..."
See # 10 for an explanation

I've seen various versions of this Christmas meme at one place or another. I decided to go ala carte and combine the questions I wanted to use, adding and omitting as I went.

Where Ive seen likenesses of this: Rubbish by Roan, Thom's Place 4 Well Whatever and Dr John's. Excuse me if I overlooked anyone.

(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
"The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" the cartoon version with Boris Karloff's voice. I love when the Grinch puts the "horn" on the dog and he tips face forward into the snow because of the weight.

(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
"The Sound of Music" OK, I know that's not necessarily a Christmas movie, but it does seem to make it onto the TV lineup this time of year. ICK, ICK, ICK

(3) What is your favorite Christmas song?
"White Christmas" cause it gives me an opportunity to break out my best Bing Crosby voice and sing along with it. Ya, it drives my wife absolutely nuts when I do that too.

(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
Any and all of them when they are played between Dec 26 and the following Thanksgiving.

(5) Eggnog or hot chocolate?
Considering that eggnog is like drinking liquid snot, I'd have to say hot chocolate.

(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Waking up, looking outside to the driveway and seeing a big red bow on a brand new car. . . Oh wait, you meant one of my memories.

(7) Have you ever re gifted a present?
No, never. . . but this year's not over yet.

(8) Candy canes, Like 'em or not?
Hanging on a tree I can handle. Eating them?.. Not so much.

(9) Do you ever buy, wrap and put a present for yourself under the tree?
I respectfully request to take the fifth amendment please.

(10) Real tree or artificial?
We live in Oregon which leads the nation in Christmas tree exportation. Trees here are cheap and easy come by. There are U-cut farms everywhere around here, and the boys enjoy going out and murdering a tree every year. This year however, we're going out of town for Christmas so there is a nice ficus in the corner of the living room that is acting as a surrogate (See the picture at the begining of this post).

(11) What tops your Christmas tree?
We have a funky star like thingy that sits up top. Growing up it was an angel. We would always laugh about that poor little angel sitting up there with a tree shoved up her backside.

(12) What is your favorite holiday dish?
Lisa when she comes to bed wearing nothing but a Santa hat. :)

(13) Do you hang mistletoe?
Yes, from the belt loop on the back of my blue jeans.

(14) Christmas lights - colored or all white?
It used to be all white, but ever since affirmative action we've gone to colored ones.

(15) Santa at the mall - Fun times or creepy?
There was one year when Matthew was a wee little guy when Santa scared the bejeebers out of him. Now though, we all look forward to our annual trip to downtown Portland to go see him. We make a day out of it hopping on the train and going there.

(16) Christmas cards - do you send them?
I think about doing it some years and then laziness takes over and it doesn't happen.

(17) Is Christmas your favorite holiday?
Not by a far stretch. Thanksgiving is number one for me. It's all about being with family and nothing about the commercialism aspect that Christmas can have overshadowing it.

(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
The utter chaos that happens in and around shopping areas. As I was walking toward the entrance of Target today, I darned near got run over by some retard trying to get a spot up front.

(19) When do you put decorations up?
Sometime after Thanksgiving, during that two hour window when it isn't raining outside.

(20) Out of the twelve days of Christmas, which item(s) would you want to receive?
Eight maids a milking... Hello!

(21) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
Homemade fudge and/or divinity

(22) What would make you happy at Christmastime this year?
Safe travel to and from California

Stew On It

2009-12-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

Hey, it's December in Oregon so I guess it should come as no surprise that it's cold and wet outside. The perfect weather for some good ole' rib sticking beef stew. For you vegetarians out there, just think of it as tofu with actual flavor.

A few weeks ago we bought a package of chuck roast from Costco. Now if any of you shop at this mecca of excess, you'll know there's no such thing as a small anything there. As a result of this, we had pot roast with half of what we originally bought and froze the rest. Not wanting to have post roast back to back, we decided to thaw out the remaining side of beef and make stew out of it. Thought I'd share a few photos of the cooking process and a loose adaptation of the recipe.

If you decide to make this and are looking at the quantities of ingredients, just remember it can all be altered. Add or subtract to your hearts content.

1/4 cup +/- Oil
3# Beef Chuck Roast (or other stew meat)
1 cup Flour
1/2 cup Red Wine
2 cups ea. Yellow Onion, Celery and Carrots
8 cloves Garlic
2 14.5 ounce cans Italian Stewed Tomatoes
3-4 cups Mushrooms
4 cups Potatoes
2-3 Bay Leaves

In a heavy skillet, heat the oil. Cut the chuck roast into large cubes and dredge in the flour. Brown meat in oil over high heat. Cook in small batches leaving plenty of room in the pan so the meat can be browned on all sides without it sticking together. Put all the cooked meat into a large soup pan.

When the last of the meat has been browned, drain any remaining oil and add the red wine. Deglaze the pan with the wine and pour the liquid into the soup pan. (basically this means to bring the wine to a boil in the pan and scrape/loosen any of the browned bits with a wooden spoon.)

This is a important part of the cooking process. Don't simply discarding them, those little browned bits in the bottom of the skillet have a tremendous amount of flavor. If you don't have any wine on hand to deglaze with, you can use water instead.

Cut the Onions, Celery and Carrots into large pieces. (about one inch cubes) Dice the garlic. In the skillet with about a tablespoon of oil, lightly saute the vegetables then put into the soup pot.

Cover the meat and veges with water and bring to a simmer. If you have any homemade beef stock on hand this is a perfect opportunity to use it here.

Quarter the mushrooms. Peel and cut the potatoes into large cubes. Place into soup pot.

If you have a nine year old in the house, ask him (or her) to open the cans of tomatoes. This will vastly improve the chances that they will want to eat dinner later. Trust me, it always tastes better if you let them help you! Put the tomatoes and bay leaves into the soup pot.

Simmer for about 2 - 2 1/2 hours.

Season with a little salt and black pepper.

About a half an hour into the simmering I like to skim the top of the stew to remove any oil or fat from the meat that has accumulated at the top of the pan.

I also think cornbread is the perfect accompaniment to beef stew. (cause that's the way mom always did it.) Homemade is always a nice touch, but mixes are soooo much easier. This night we used a mix from Bob's Red Mill (a local company) It was mighty tasty.

Yum-O!

A Tight Christmas

2009-12-15T12:11:00.000-08:00

Anybody else relate to the guy on the right?

Thanks to Psycho Mom for this pic sent via an email

Your Comment Story ... Finally!

2009-12-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

Remember back in October when I was in my writing/blogging funk? I asked you all for a variety of comments that I would turn into a story. You came through with flying colors then I put all your comments on the shelf and didn't do anything with them. I went from feeling unmotivated to feeling guilty for not doing anything with them, to practically forgetting about them. Well, I sat down this morning and finally put them all together into a story. It's a bit off the wall, but then again, so were all those comments. Yaozer!

Below is a list all of the comments you left me followed by the story. Thought I'd put all the phrases/comments in a list for you to see rather than highlighting them in the story itself.

I'm not sure it was worth waiting for, but I couldn't stand to leave it as unfinished. Hope you enjoy.

~~~

I came storming into the room

What did you do after the elephant sat on your bicycle?

I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair

Blue is the sound my heart makes

He was blindfolded, but he knew that she had just slipped the diamond ring of his dreams onto his toe

The car swerved to the left and the headlights of oncoming traffic blinded Alex

Just when he thought she'd never laugh again, she looked up just in time to see him slip on a banana peel

I felt like the biggest gasbag in town

I hobbled all the way into down on my good hoof

I've not had much loving in seventeen years either

This company consolidation is dreadful

How long are we going to continue to pretend this is a training issue?

Learn to live with the decisions you make in life

$140 in fees for a free education?

Dinner was liver and onions

What the f*** was that?

And that's when the zit popped

The mad cow had struck again

Root canal or keel hauled - choose wisely

The spot on his genitals grew larger by the day

You know I wish that I had Jesse's girl

What do you MEAN it's fake?!

But of course everyone knew my brother Gene was a far greater man than I could ever hope to be

The hole was deeper than I anticipated

"Don't touch it" she screamed, "I fear it's radioactive"

One of these days Alice, straight to the moon!

Will you return or do I have to go through this all by myself?

RAWRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

~~~

"The Realtor 's Reality "

The mad cow had struck again and the only thing I could think of was, blue is the sound my heart makes anytime I'm forced to go into that Maleficent bovine's office.

Being called into Mr Tums inner sanctum was rarely good news, and this particular day would prove to be no exception. Don't get me wrong, the initial proposition he placed before me sounded intriguing enough, but once the details were spelled out, it became clear that I was just being used as his string puppet once again.

He informed me that he had a very important client coming into town in a couple of days. He also said he wanted me to preview a variety of homes so I could have potential sites to show upon the arrival of said client. Common sense told me otherwise, but I decided to ask with the anticipation of an excited puppy dog who this VIP was. Tums informed me that it was none other than Bling Crozbee, the latest rap singing sensation. Upon hearing this bit of information I knew I had an immediate choice to make; Root canal or keel hauled. "Choose wisely", I thought. Knowing full well that the old standard "trip to the dentist" excuse wouldn't hold water, I opted for the torture of spending one weekend out of my life with someone I thought less of than the pimples on my ass.

To say this company consolidation was dreadful would have been an understatement. A year earlier when the economy was stronger, Tums would have had at least a half dozen other agents to choose from, but now with only three of us left (one being my brother) and me being the top seller of those remaining, I was the only logical choice. When I looked him in the eye and told him I'd be happy to oblige, I felt like the biggest gasbag in town. (Well, I am a Realtor, so I guess it kind of goes with the territory.)

An hour later and I was rolling out of the office with a list of multimillion dollar properties to preview. Then, as clearly as she was standing next to me I heard the sound of my mother resounding in my head. "Learn to live with the decisions you make in life." I could hear her say. Momma, you see, wanted me to be a doctor. I, of course, had a different idea of how to make a living.

Regardless of who was ultimately right or wrong, I had a job to do and I was going to give it everything I had. That meant doing whatever was needed to bring in a sale. Today that meant I'd needed to learn not only about the homes that were available in the area, but also to learn a thing or two about my new client.

I gulped hard as I reached over to the passenger's seat and picked up a copy of Crozbee's hit CD, "RAWRRRRRR!!!!" Lord, how I hoped the songs themselves had something more to offer than that ridicules title. Unfortunately, my initial suspicion was accurate. It was filled with a dozen or so songs ( and I use that term loosely mind you) that collectively had all the the enjoyment of a bowl of cold porridge.

From the first song, "$140 In Fees For a Free Education?" to the one that propelled him to the top of the charts, "What the F*** Was That!", the CD was one disappointment after another. After twenty minutes of listening, I was convinced talent was not a prerequisite to make it in some musical circles. Another twenty minutes and I was ready to commit hari-kiri.

As quickly as I could, I hit the eject button and flung that putrid silver disc out the passenger side window as far as I could possibly manage. The classic rock station that replaced Crozbee's noise was playing a song from Rick Springfield and I soon found myself singing out loud, "You know I wish that I had Jesse's girl...ta da da da da da...Jesse's girl" Maybe not the greatest song ever written, but it certainly was a far cry better than what was previously on.

It was about this time I pulled into Marietta Heights and up to the first of the homes I thought would be suitable for my client. At just under eighty-five hundred square feet of living space, it was the smallest one on the list and I knew Crozbee would immediately discount it as being undersized, but that was part of my plan. I found when showing property, it was beneficial to show at least one place that the client wouldn't care for, thereby making the others look that much better.

I took the obligatory tour through the property, making a few notes as I went, even knowing Bling would immediately shoot it down once he saw it. A few minutes later I jumped back my Beamer and headed off toward the next property, and that's when the zit popped. "Damn!" I shouted, looking into the rear view mirror. The hole was deeper than I anticipated too. In fact, the darned thing looked like a crater on the end of my nose. I watched as a greenish-white puss oozed from the divot now prominently displayed across my schnoz remembering what my wife had said earlier that morning. With both thumbs positioned to either side of that nasty little red bump, I was just about to give it a good firm squeeze when, in most dramatic fashion, she screamed, "Don't touch it. I fear is is radioactive!" to which I could only think of Jackie Gleason and shouted back, "One of these days Alice, straight to the moon!" I was going to have to do something about this before meeting with Crozbee later in the week.

After mopping up the mess on my nose with a slightly used napkin left over from my morning trip to Starbucks, I was once again focused on the task at hand; searching for the perfect home for my client.

The second home looked to be the perfect choice. I'd seen it two years earlier when it had been for sale before. Now, after an ugly divorce between the most recent owners, it was on the market once again. This baby had all the amenities a young, self absorbed rap star like Crozbee would find irresistible, and with an asking price of just under ten million, I was sure he'd think it was a steal.

With a smile on my face, I thought about the commission I'd be getting from this sale as I opened the lock box and plucked the key from its confines. I grabbed it and slid it into the ornate lock on the front door giving the bell a ring to announce my arrival in case anybody was inside. As I opened the large mahogany door, my smile quickly faded. The most horrific smell wafted through the air and I could tell the previous night's dinner was liver and onions. "Didn't anyone realize this was not the best choice for a house that was on the market?" I muttered aloud. "Well," I thought, "A nice apple pie placed in the oven a couple hours before showing it to Bling would certainly cover up any remaining nastiness that remained. Heck, it might even make him wax nostalgic for his mommas home cooking too, making the house seem all the more attractive."

It was obvious by the generally unkempt conditions I saw while going from room to room, that the husband had somehow retained possession of the home, but certainly not the maid. I kept reassuring myself we had a couple of days before actually showing the home, and these things could be overcome easily enough. That's about the time I made it to the master bedroom. The door was sort of half closed and I could hear two people inside who were, for the lack of a better term, engaged in an extra curricular activity that I was quite sure I didn't need to witness with my own eyes. As I stood motionless on the opposite side of the door, I could hear, "I've not had much loving in seventeen years either." to which I thought, "I did not need to hear that!"

"I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair." she replied with a giggle.

"Oh brother!" I continued thinking, "What am I doing here?" A moment later I heard the young woman exclaim, "What do you MEAN it's fake?!"

Fits of laughter started to work their way through me as I stood there in morbid curiosity as to what was transpiring on the other side of the door. This was like a train wreck unfolding before my eyes ... well, my ears anyway. I couldn't stand it anymore so I came storming into the room as if I'd not heard a thing. The two of them jumped up from the oversized bed as the young woman quickly reached for the corner of the sheet to cover herself. He was not as modest though, and he stood there wearing nothing but a ridiculous looking ten gallon hat on his head and a dark red robe. Much to my dismay, the robe was not fastened in the front leaving his Johnson hanging out in full view. It was at this point that I recalled the very public divorce proceedings between he and his ex wife. The one headline that was played on every news channel and across every tabloid was a quote from his wife in which she said, "The spot on his genitals grew larger by the day!" Well, I'm here to tell you, she was absolutely right in her statement. DAMN!

Without skipping a beat he looked at me, extended his hand and said, "Howdy, you must be the realtor."

Dumbfounded, I replied, "Uh, er... Hi, Alex Snyder, pleased to meet you. Sorry to interrupt. I rang the bell, but no one..."

Cutting me off he said, "Don't worry boy, I heard ya, but as you can see I was a little busy. I figured you'd make it back here eventually." He looked at his companion and said he needed to talk business with me.

She asked, "Will you return or do I have to go through this all by myself?"

"Keep it fresh darlin', I'll be right back." he told her.

"OK sugar, you know where to find me." she replied.

We made our way out to the pool and he said, "You know, your timing could have been better."

"I'm sorry sir," I said, "but I did have an appointment."

"I know boy. I'm not upset about that. It's just that, well... that tender little thing in the other room just proposed to me."

"Really?" I responded.

He went on to tell me he was blindfolded, but knew that she had just slipped the diamond ring of his dreams onto his toe. I pretended to be touched by the sentiment, but what I really wanted to do was to put my client in his house and put a nice fat commission check in my pocket. I cared very little to hear any more of his personal doings or god forbid to see anything more of the two of their sexual escapades.

That's when he informed me that due to the newly developed circumstances the home would no longer be offered for sale. "That's just perfect," I thought. "Now what?"

By this point it was getting late and I decided to pack it in for the day. I climbed back into my Beamer and decided to head down to my favorite watering hole, "The Rusty Nail". I figured I could drown my sorrows of the day in a few libations. I thought wrong.

On the drive back down the hill I was met by hoards of cars traveling in the opposite direction as I was fumbling through some paperwork on the passenger seat. The car swerved to the left and the headlights of oncoming traffic blinded Alex. "Good Lord. " I thought, "Now I'm talking about myself in the third person. I really do need a drink!" I regained control of the car and of my composure and continued toward the Rusty Nail.

The place was full of the usual characters. From the over make-uped, over perfumed floozy sitting on the corner stool waiting for some "gentleman" to buy her a drink, to the scruffy, white haired drunk who'd obviously had more than one too many already. Wanting to avoid both of them, I pulled up a stool in the middle of the bar and ordered a JD and Coke. "And make it a double would ya." I said to the bar tender.

I picked up my cell phone and called Mr Tums to inform him of the days activities. Needless to say, he was not pleased. The funny thing was, he tried to pin the blame on me, saying with proper training, I'd have convinced the guy he didn't want to live in his house with a new wife and that he'd be better off selling it. "How long are we going to pretend this is a training issue?" I found myself saying. After a few more heated words I hung up the phone and returned to my cocktail.

No sooner had I picked up my glass than the scruffy, white haired drunk stumbled down the bar and pulled up a stool next to mine. Through glazed eyes he looked at me and with slurred speech asked, "What did you do after the elephant sat on your bicycle?"

I quickly replied, "I hobbled all the way into down on my one good hoof."

Friends, let me tell you, that was an absolutely beautiful moment. He starred at me with the most stupefied look on his face, turned and just walked away. At the same time, the floozy at the other end of the bar looked up with her sad eyes and just when he (that is, I) thought she'd never laugh again, she looked up just in time to see him slip on a banana peel. "Wow" I thought, "of all the times for the bartender to have a request for a banana daiquiri and to subsequently drop a peel on the wrong side of the bar." Well, with the way the rest of my had had gone, I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised.

Like the continuance of a bad dream, my phone rang and it was Mr Tums on the other end of the line. He informed me that he was removing me from Bling's sales team and was replacing me with my older brother Gene. I started to argue my point, but of course everyone knew my brother Gene was a far greater man than I could ever hope to be. I knew the real truth though and couldn't help but think no one deserved Bling like Gene did.

~~~

Thank you to all who contributed to the madness by leaving a comment for me to use. To say you made it a challenge would be an understatement.

When Cold is Cool

2009-12-10T17:08:00.000-08:00

Rather than let the cold weather get the best of us, Lisa and I decided to take a short journey east this morning while the boys were in school and take in what mother nature had to offer. We climbed into the truck and were met by a very neat display of ice crystals that had formed on the windshield over the previous night. (You can click on the photos to see them in a larger view)

About twenty miles to the north of where we live runs the Columbia river. For the geographically inquisitive, it forms the border between Oregon and Washington. The part of it just to the east of Portland is known as the Columbia River Gorge. As one might imagine, it meanders through the foothills on either side of it forming a deep canyon. It also makes for an incredible wind tunnel that sucks the cold air out of the east and pushes it toward the Portland metro area.

Within the gorge, there are several waterfalls that are all absolutely breathtaking. One of the more famous ones, at least locally, is Multnomah Falls. At 620 feet, it boasts being the second highest year round waterfall in the country. Anyhoodle, we've been there several times during the summer and hiked to the top of it on more than one occasion. Today though, we went there to see it in a completely different view.

With the past few days not getting above freezing, the falls have taken on a spectacular look. combining both the rushing water along with ice that has formed in and around itself. Usually when Multnomah gets this way, the entire Gorge is a mess of snow and ice, making driving through it a challenge at best. This week has been a bit different though. It has been colder than a well diggers butt, but it has also been bone dry. This meant we could travel out there at freeway speeds, but still get to enjoy the beauty of it firsthand.

Now I know some of you live in places where twenty degrees F would feel warm right about now, but to me it is C O L D ! So, I/we donned our long undies, scarfs, jackets, gloves and anything else that would keep us toasty, and headed off on our quest. About an hour later we arrived and were treated to some pretty cool sights. On the short walk up to the bridge, we came across a stream that literally froze in time.

There were probably a hundred or so people in and around the area, and everyone had a camera at the ready. Mine is just a simple pocket sized one, and unfortunately does not do the sights justice. To see it in person was really amazing.

The last shot is of the bridge I spoke of earlier. If you look closely, you'll see a couple of people standing on it. (to the right side) This was about as "empty" as I could manage to get it. I decided to change this one from color to black and white. It seemed to give it a more nostalgic flair.

Hope you all enjoyed this brief journey through Multnomah Falls.

Meandering About

2009-12-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

As the great hunter Elmer Fudd would say, "Time for a wittle west and wewaxation."

My work projects have wrapped up and I'm ready to pack it in until after Christmas. Yahooooo!!!

Things should be pretty calm around here for the next couple of weeks now. After that we will be heading down to California to spend Christmas with Lisa's mom and brother. We're going to manage to get in some tourist type time in while down there too. Believe it or not, after living for about thirty years an hour away from San Francisco, Lisa never has been to Alcatraz island. So, on the 23rd, we're going to go check it out.

~~~

Winter may officially be a couple of weeks away, but like most of the country, if you take a look at the thermometer it would appear that it's already upon us. When I left for work this morning it was a whopping 15 degrees outside. For the third day in a row, the daytime high stayed under freezing. Brrrrrr!!! Tomorrow is supposed to be a bit colder still and, as an added bonus, if we're real lucky, we may get freezing rain on Friday/Saturday. Yepee Skippy!

~~~

How about a little cold weather Haiku?

I can't feel my toes
Temperature plummeting
It's so freaking cold!

~~~

Here's a blogging question. Sometimes when I read a post I particularly enjoy, or one that I like to reference back to, I mention the author along with a link to their place. I do this out of courtesy, not obligation. So the prose is this: Do you, when you see these links, ever click on them to visit the site?

~~~

I have a story idea running through my head. Hopefully I'll actually find the time and ambition to get it out on "paper" and share it with you all.

~~~

OK, enough rambling on for now.

Working Girls / Working Man

2009-12-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

So in case you missed it (as did I), last night was Victoria's Secret big show on TV. It got me to thinking as some things will.

Was this show done to improve their bottom line?

Did they bust out all of their special goods?

Do you suppose they are bosom buddies with Fredrick's of Hollywood?

How's this for a slogan idea? "Don't buy off the rack. Buy for the rack!"

~~~

In other news, I have one more day left on a huge commercial job that has consumed the past two weeks of my working life. My oldest brother Gene came down for Thanksgiving and offered to help us out for a couple of days. My wife has even gotg into the act by helping out the last two days and will be there again tomorrow. Do you get the idea this really is a family business?

The project has been to revamp concrete floors in two locker rooms and the associated saunas and restrooms for a large recreation center. We've been grinding and leveling the floor and then putting a decorative epoxy floor system in. Tomorrow will mark the completion of phase one of our scope of work. I'll be sure to snap some photographs of it in a few weeks when the other trades have completed their work and the project is finished.

We'll be back at the project sometime in January to do a bit more coating around the new swimming pool that is being constructed. We've done larger jobs as far as square footage is concerned, but this one marks the largest contract yet. That's due to the logistical issues we've had to overcome and the intricate nature of the coating itself.

I am really looking forward to a day off and sleeping in past five a.m. Yes, my pillow and I are going to get reacquainted with one another very soon!

Good Times

2009-11-25T19:19:00.000-08:00

This past Monday night Anthony and I had an opportunity to do something really fun. We got to go to a Portland Trailblazers, basketball game. (insert shouts and hollers here)

Now I am not personally a big fan of the game. Heck, I'm not even a little fan of the game really, but considering it was time spent with my boy and the tickets were free, I was a fan for a night.

About two weeks ago I received a call from my sales rep where I get my flooring supplies thanking me for placing a rather large order. In addition to his thanks, he also said there was an envelope at the store with my name on it. In it were two tickets to the game against the Blazers and the Chicago Bulls, a parking pass and two passes to the Lexus Club. Way cool!!!

So Monday rolls around and Anthony was anxiously waiting for me to finish work. I knocked off a bit early and made it home by five. A quick shower and we were off to the Rose Garden. (the arena where the Blazers play) We made it up there just ahead of six o'clock, a full hour before tip off. I pulled into the parking garage, whipped out my handy dandy parking pass and we were in.

A couple of minutes later they opened the doors and we walked in to go find our seats. We laughed because when we walked in, we were at gate A7 and our tickets said to enter at A26. Figuring there must be fifty or so gates we started off towards the higher numbers. As we walked and walked and walked some more, we finally made it to A26. Just past it was A1. We really laughed when we realized we had almost completely circled the arena before making it to our gate. Had we have gone the other direction, we would have only had to walk a short distance to get there.

We couldn't believe what great seats we had. First level about twelve rows up from the floor right behind the Blazers bench. Not quite center court, but pretty darned close! (This pic is from our seats. No zooming in) We sat down for a bit and watched as the two teams did some warm-ups on the court.

We then decided to go see what the Lexus Club was all about, so we donned our wrist bands and headed up the steps to go find it. A very nice usher directed us to the escalator across the walkway from us. Once up there we were treated to a complimentary, all you can eat buffet. They had everything from prime rib to hot dogs available. We grabbed a plate full of goodies and a couple of sodas, then went on a quest for a table to sit at. That was a challenge, but we eventually found one. After filling our bellies we headed back to take in the game.

The game itself was a great one to watch. Lots of action and the occasional slam dunk to really get the crowd going. The Bulls took an early lead, but by half time it had evaporated and the Blazers were in command. They would not lose the lead again and would eventually go on to win by a score of 122 to 98.

To me the Blazers could have won by fifty points or lost by the same and it wouldn't have mattered one bit, because the smile on Anthony's face was absolutely priceless! Oh ya, I guess I had one on too.

Good times...

How Pumpkin Pies Are Made

2009-11-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

I've never been much of a fan of pumpkin pie before.

Now I think I know why!

Man Vs. Machine

2009-11-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

Before I get on with the actual post, let me take a moment to express my heart felt thank you to all who came by to say hi and offer up well wishes for Randy. When I talk with him next I'll be sure to pass them on.

As I was doing some long overdue catching up on various blogs the other day, I came across one in particular that hit my funny bone just right. It was penned by Kelly who writes at Cross Your T's. The post, titled, "How to Fold a Fitted Sheet ... Me vs. Martha!" can be found by clicking here. As you can probably ascertain from the title, it's a great comparison of how a "trained professional" versus the rest of the world folds a fitted sheet. If you've ever wrestled with trying to fold one of those scrunchy cornered monsters you'll enjoy Kelly's take on how to tame one.

Inspired by her post, I thought I'd do something similar with a man's perspective of setting up and programming a DVD/VCR player.

~~~

I had Lisa find the User's Guide that came with our DVD/VCR combo we purchased several years ago. (It should be noted here that as a man, I had absolutely no idea where the manual was, let alone if one ever existed in the first place.) Sure enough she came out of her office/craft room within a minute carrying said booklet. Dang that woman is good!

Step 1

According to the manual the first thing you are to do is to connect the DVD/VCR to the TV. "Using an RCA-type audio/video cable (red, white, yellow) connect the line out jacks on the back panel of your DVD/VCR to your TV's line in jacks. Use the three cables as follows: red for right, white for left, and yellow for video."

How a man begins this simple process:

Look for the colored cable thingies that came in the box. Look again when you don't find them the first time through. Ask your wife if she's seen the cables that you're sure were in a small plastic sleeve when you opened the box. When she informs you that there was no such bag, state "I knew we shouldn't have bought this cheap model." and tell her you'll just go up to the store and get a set of cables. Climb into your truck, start it up and realize you are out of gas. Mutter something to yourself like, "Dang it, I should have filled up on my way home last night when the gas light came on." Go to the gas station to fill up then proceed to the local electronics store.

Once at the store, ignore the sales person at the front who asks if he can help you find what you're looking for. Walk past the new 60 inch high definition super deluxe TV's and think about how nice they would look in your living room. Grab a credit application and put it in your back pocket "Just in case". Stop by the video game console and play a game of "Death Shooter Squadron" with a snot nosed little kid who proceeds to kick your butt while rolling his eyes in disgust at how easy it was to defeat the "old man". Mutter under your breath that the kid's parents probably let him spend way too much time playing games and not nearly enough time doing school work, thusly justifying the walloping you just received. Take a gander at a few CD's and then remember you originally came in for a set of connection cables. Find the wall of wires and finally pinpoint the space where there are normally red,white and yellow cable combos. Notice they are currently out of stock on these. Offer up a colorful metaphor just loud enough for the sweet little old lady in the isle next to you to hear. Apologize for your outburst, then realize you distinctly remember having a box of left over wires and cables on the shelf in the garage. Convince yourself that there will be something in there you can use and head back home feeling good that you saved the ridicules price the store wanted for the cables anyway.

Once back home, locate and open the box of wires and cables. Comment on how smart you were for saving all these gems. Upon further searching, discover there are no yellow or white cables, but there are in fact, three black RCA-type cables of various lengths. Grab a roll of masking tape and a Sharpie, then label two of the cables with a "W" and a "Y" respectively. Go into the house, get "the look" from your wife at your handiwork then connect the DVD/VCR to the TV.

Step 2

The manual instructs you to, "Plug in the DVD/VCR to a standard 120/60Hz wall outlet. Avoid pressing any buttons on the remote control or the unit during Auto Setup. While your DVD/VCR is running Auto Setup, "AUTO" will blink on the front display. When the Auto Setup is complete , the current time will be displayed on the front panel."

How a man continues this difficult process:

Pull the cabinet that the TV sits on away from the wall. Locate the DVD you couldn't find three years ago and were subsequently charged for by the rental store for a lost item. Comment on what a dumb movie it was in the first place and how it really frosted your shorts that you had to pay full price for it when it couldn't be found. Hear "OH MY GOD!" come from your wife as she looks at all the dust that's collected since the cabinet was last moved, then wait for her as she insists on vacuuming behind the cabinet before you do anything else.

Once a thorough cleaning and disinfecting has occurred resume the task at hand. Locate the power strip that currently has all available slots in use. Unplug the light for the goldfish tank containing a single goldfish that was won at the county fair four years earlier. Recall spending twenty dollars for your five year old to throw ping pong balls into a jar to win the thirty-nine cent fish. Secretly hope it will somehow kill off that darned fish that otherwise just wont seem to die.

Plug in the DVD/VCR into the now vacant spot. Look at the display and notice that it shows "AUTO" blinking. Immediately grab the remote control and press every combination of buttons imaginable. Become increasingly frustrated that nothing seems to work. Make a comment like, "I can not believe they can't design one of these things that works right." Finally, settle for a series of dashes displayed across the front panel, being resigned to the fact that you will never see the current time displayed on any DVD/VCR ... ever!

Step 3 & 4

According to the manual, you are to turn on the DVD/VCR combo, then do the same with the TV.

How a man continues this ridicules process:

Turn on the TV. Notice that the baseball game is on. Become engrossed with the game and continue to watch it for the next forty-five minutes completely abandoning the DVD/VCR for the time being. When your team loses again for the fifth straight time, comment on what a bunch of overpaid bums they are and resume with the DVD/VCR setup. Turn on the DVD/VCR.

Step 5

The manual instructs you to, "Set the button on the back of the DVD/VCR combo to either 3 or 4. Remember to set the TV to this same number when operating the DVD/VCR. You have now successfully completed the setup of your new DVD/VCR combo. Congratulations!"

How a man completes the impossible process:

Slide the DVD/VCR into place completely ignoring the fact that there is a button on the back to select a viewing channel. Tune the TV to channel 2 and notice there is nothing but snow on the screen accompanied by an obnoxiously loud hissing sound coming from the speakers. Throw your hands in the air and exclaim, "What the *%#@! I did everything just the way it was supposed to be done!" Watch your wife leave the room shaking her head as you continue your tantrum. Mentally run through all the steps you've taken over the past four hours while attempting to program this blinkity blank thing. Pull the cabinet away from the wall again. Check your master electrician style wiring. Determine that Edison couldn't have done it any better. Play with all the buttons on the remote one more time. Unplug and re-plug in both the DVD/VCR and TV, "Just in case". Just before you fling the DVD/VCR across the room, discover the button on the back for selecting channel 3 or 4. Wonder out loud who the idiot was who "changed" the selection from channel two to 3 or 4. Click the button to three, then tune the TV to the same channel. Smile as you see the screen boldly display the DVD/VCR manufactures' icon. Holler out, "Honey, I got it!"

Give a fake, "Ha Ha Ha!" as your wife comes back into the room wearing your son's catchers mask asking, "Is it safe now?" Grab the DVD she hands you to put in. Without looking at the movie, hit the eject button and place the DVD into the open slot. Sit back in your chair, hit the start button and wait for the movie to begin.

Wonder why you ever started this whole process when you realize your wife has selected the lastest chick-flick starring Matthew McConaughey.

~~~

Two Very Different Phone Calls

2009-11-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

Hmmmmmm......

What to talk about.

It's been ages since I've put anything together here, and I wonder who might make it by now. Thank you to those that have/will.

So the other day I called two friends down in California. We are going down there (Calif) this Christmas to spend time with Lisa's mom and brother and I wanted to find out who else might be around to visit during our stay. These two calls could not have been more different. The first was to Liz. She was on top of the world. In a new home, work going well, life seemed to be burning on all cylinders for her. She went on to tell me how she believed God had put her in her current home as a testimony to his grace and goodness. When she unfolded the story of how she came to get the house, I could easily see how Gods hand played a part of it. There were so many elements of the story to simply be chance I thought.

After talking for about a half an hour, catching up with each other, I said goodbye and called another good friend Randy. His wife Mo answered and when I asked how the old man (Randy) was doing, she said, "Well, he's got the big "C"." As I gulped, I timidly asked, "Do you mean cancer?" As much as I was hoping she was going to say no, she unfortunately said that was in fact what it was.

SHIT!!!

She took the phone out to him and we started catching up with each other. I found out he had just had his first chemotherapy treatment that day. My heart sank. This is a guy only a few years older than me. He should not have to be facing this at his age I thought. Then again, no one should have to face going through cancer. What an ugly disease.

We managed to laugh and enjoy some lighter moments, although we both knew there was this behemoth lurking in the corner. I wanted to find the right words to share with my long time friend, but as I verbalized to him, in that situation, there just don't seem to be any to find. We both understood and told each other we loved one another.

Even as I type these words, my eyes are heavy with tears welling up behind them.

In the past few days I've been going through what I would assume is the natural questioning. Why can some of us be so up while others are in such a bad way? Why does a God who claims to be so full of grace allow such things as cancer to exist?

Why? Why? Why?

Many more questions have come to mind while some answers have managed to surface.

My faith is still in tact, but I've been consumed with many questions that seem to lay dormant until something like this happens.

I know we all come from different beliefs so I will ask for prayers, positive thoughts, well wishes or whatever might be offered for my friend. They are all appreciated.

Be well all.

A Broken Record

2009-10-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

It seems like all of my far and few between posts lately have the same theme. . . I'M BUSY!

Dang, I feel like a broken record.

I started the comment story a couple of weeks ago and have only managed to eek out about a page so far. Partly because all those wild comments are kicking my butt, but mostly because I just can't seem to find the time to sit down for more than a few minutes at any stretch. One of these days I suppose I'll get to it. In the mean time I have to remind myself, "Guilt free blogging Jeff."

In other news, my older (much, much older) brother Gene is going to be a Grandfather. Wow does it feel weird typing that! His oldest daughter Steffani and her Husband Josh are expecting the new arrival in late May. I believe the official due date is the twenty-fifth. This will make me a great uncle. I have of course, always been one, but now I'll have the lofty title to prove it. Bwahahahaha

Good grief, I can't believe she is having a baby. I still remember her being a little girl playing with Barbies and such. Dang, these kids grow up fast don't they? Now she's a young woman preparing for parenthood herself. Congrats my dear!

More to follow when life settles a bit for me. Until then, Ciao

Coming Soon

2009-09-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry all, life has been busier than I expected and I haven't put the story together I promised you. I actually just started working on it this evening finally, but it's not finished yet. I hope to have it done soon.

Thanks for your patience!

Looking For Some Input Please

2009-09-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

Poking my head up out of the sand that is work to say hello. . . Hello!

My brother Mark is on vacation this week and next, so I'm doing double duty right now.

One of these fine feathered days I'll put up some photos of a few of the floors I've been doing lately. Some pretty cool stuff if I do say so myself.

Lisa, the boys and I are headed back to the coast this weekend for a late season camping trip. Should be a lot of fun. It's supposed to be sunny and mild temperature wise, which is always a plus.

I've been wanting to write another story, but in between being swamped with work and inspiration running low lately, I keep coming up blank. So here's where you all come in.

I'd like you to leave a short sentence or phrase in the comments and I will attempt to string them all together into a (coherent?) story. No rules.

Ideas:

1. How many hot links did you eat anyway?

2. Seventeen years of blissful marriage.

3. Water on the knee

Make sense? Leave a couple if you're so inclined.

I did this a long time ago and it was a blast trying to tie everything together. I'll let you come up with your best material and when I get back Sunday night, I'll see what I have to work with.

Relaxing at the Coast

2009-09-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

All this work lately and no play was making Jeffy a dull boy, so this Saturday I suggested we head out to the coast for the day. Our destination would be the Oregon Coast Aquarium in Newport; A two and a half hour drive away.

The trip out there was pretty uneventful. Just the usual "How much longer?" and "Are we there yets?" from the back seat, along with a few more "Stop picking on your brother." and "We'll eat later." comments from the front seat and we were there.

As we headed through the exhibits one of the first things to catch our attention were these jelly fish. Completely mesmerizing .

Around the corner from the jellies, we found couple of "touch tanks". There were several star fish, anemones, crabs, abalone, various icky-slimy-sticky things, rays, and even some small sharks. Want to guess which ones the boys liked the best? Yep, you are right. Matt spent the better part of the day telling anyone who would listen, "I touched a shark!"

We found this very colorful tank. It just screamed, "Take a photo of me." I obliged.

A school of hundreds of silver fish (ya, that's the Latin name for them I'm sure)

A little bit further along the path and we came to this strange looking fish. Very prized and loved by all. It was none other than the Matt Fish!
There was a "bubble" in the bottom of that particular aquarium where the kids could crawl under and poke their head up into.

Another favorite (yes that's an oxymoron) were the series of tanks where you walked through tubes and the fish swam all around. Once again, the one that had sharks in it was the clear cut winner. I took several pictures, but none of them turned out great. This was about the best I could come up with. Definitely a "you had to be there to truly appreciate it" thing, but I wanted to share it with you anyway. The squarish shadow near the top-center was a large Manta Ray.

After about three hours there and exploring every nook and cranny of the aquarium we decided it was time to get a bite to eat. I wanted fish and chips, but after viewing all their brothers and sisters earlier, I opted to go to the Sizzler and have Malibu Chicken and a salad bar. I should have gone with my first choice.

One the drive into town we noticed a lighthouse and since there was plenty of day left, we decided to go check it out. What we didn't realize was that there are actually two lighthouses in Newport. One on the north end of town and, as you might expect, one on the south. The first one we went to was the Yaquina Bay Lighthouse. Built in the early 1870's it was only in use for three years. This one might look a bit different from other lighthouses you've seen, because it isn't a stand alone tower. It's a house with the light on the top of it. It also has a bit of ooky-spooky lore to it too. It's rumored that a visitor to it mysteriously disappeared leaving no trace except for a pool of warm blood on the floor. True or not? Who knows, but it does make for a good ghost story none-the-less.

The other lighthouse is the Yaquina Head Lighthouse. More of the traditional style. Cool thing about this one is that you can walk up the 114 steps to the top. Round and round we went, all the way up.

Did you notice the sky in those two shots? Even though they are only about four miles apart, one was sunny and warm, while the other was several degrees cooler with coulds/fog around it.

This picture is of the stairwell in the first one. I loved this unique shot of the boys.
Click here if you want to see the lighthouse(s) website. Some very cool photos there. Much better than my point and shoot camera these were taken with.

We were all pretty tired by the time we got home, but it was well worth it.

It was a great day filled with plenty of priceless memories.

OK, one last pic. Waves crashing over the rocks. This particular rock was about 25-30 feet tall, so in person these splahes were quite impressive.

Did You Hear?

2009-09-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hey, did you all hear about the dyslexic atheist who got excited about this past Wednesday being 9/9/09?

It is rumored that after realizing his error, he looked to the heavens and shouted,
"DOG NAMIT!"

Oh ya, I have a blog

2009-09-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

Well then, it certainly has been a while since I've penned any words here. Just about as long since I've come by any of your blogs either. To say I've been busy lately would be a gross understatement. After a slow start to this season's work load, the past two months have been nearly non stop. The good news is, it isn't showing any signs of slowing down in the near future.

Outside of working like a dog, I've had a bunch of fun with the family as well. Most recently was an outing to the state fair. We hadn't gone to any fairs for at least three years, so this was an especially nice treat. Perhaps a full post later to highlight the doings of the day will follow.

Lisa and the boys spent a week down in California visiting with her mother and brother while I stayed home. A bachelor for a week I was! Now before you start letting your mind run wild with all the things I did during my week of "no rules", relax. I worked every day they were gone and was generally asleep by 9 or 10 each night. Wow, do I know how to live it up or what?

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the school year for Anthony and Matthew. Excitement and apprehension have been running simultaneously through their systems the past couple of days as they get ready for the big day. As good of kids as they are, I'm pretty sure Lisa is looking forward to a bit of a break.

Not a very long or cohesive post I realize, but I wanted to at least let you know I'm still alive and kicking. I'll post again soon, and try my best to get by to catch up with you all too.

Until then, thanks for dropping by and be well.

Extended Break

2009-07-11T19:56:00.000-07:00

It seems that summertime activities have taken the place of blogging for me lately. See ya when I see ya.

Ciao

The Heat is On

2009-07-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

Our seven day forecast

Summer has officially arrived here in the Pacific Northwest. Long gone are the endless days of rain and drizzle, but don't worry, they will be back again. It is after all, Oregon. In fact the weather prognosticators are even calling for a day with a chance of the icky stuff early next week. Until then it's time to make some iced tea and get ready for the heat.

I know my buddy Ron from Vent will read this and the temps for the next few days will have no appealing value to him at all. He's one of those sickos who's idea of good weather is about fifty degrees and rain. You are a warped puppy my friend.

Then again, there is Songbird from The Ice Box who will look at our predicted high temps and laugh, knowing they are nothing more than a warm spring day in the desert she calls home. I know that because when I lived in Indio, Ca (near Palm Springs) we would call anyone who thought 90 degrees was hot, sissies.

Personally, my idea of just right is 75 with a slight salt air breeze. I believe this is otherwise known as San Diego.

So what kind of weather floats your boat?

Time to Split

2009-06-30T17:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy couple of weeks around here. Work has picked up significantly and believe me, that is a wonderful thing. Can't believe it's been a couple of weeks since I posted last.

Take a look at this first picture. It's from my back yard. Notice those two large Maple trees just beyond the back fence? Aren't they beautiful? At about 40-50 feet tall the afternoon shade the dark green leaves on long branches provided were always welcome.

You probably noticed the past tense I just used. That's because those two trees are no more. Our local electric company is getting ready to string additional wires on the giant towers that are off in the distance and these trees were within the path of the new lines. That meant they had to come down last week.

If you take a look at the next picture you will see what it looks like now. Still pretty, but a whole lot brighter now.

I will say that even though I wasn't thrilled by the loss of the trees, it will certainly make growing a garden a much better possibility. With as much shade as there was, having a vegetable garden wasn't much of an option before.

This is a "glass half full" way of looking at it.

The crew that came out to do the tree removal were really nice guys. When they showed up the first day, I asked them if was possible to cut the large rounds into sixteen inch sections. The foreman said he wasn't sure, but would think about it. When I got home from work later in the afternoon, I went out into the back yard and saw some very tired workers as well as a pile of sixteen inch tree parts! I offered to fill up their water jug and thanked them for cutting the trees into sections. They were almost as happy to have the ice water as I was to have the wood.

Over the next couple of evenings I loaded my truck with the wood and took it over to moms. Then, on Sunday Lisa, the boys and I rented a splitter and proceeded to make a massive pile of firewood for mom. (and some for camping too)

If you've ever split firewood by hand, and I have, let me tell you, renting a splitter is worth every penny! Actually, I should say it was worth every one of mom's pennies, because she actually paid for it. Bless you mom!

When the day was done and the sore mussels were counted, I would estimate that there was somewhere in the neighborhood of two and a half cords of firewood. (A cord is measured at 4x4x8 feet)

Let me say that my family is awesome! They stuck it out with me for the majority of the day helping stack some of the wood and running the handle for the hydraulic splitter. About three quarters of the way through the pile, my brother Mark showed up and helped me finish. Yahoooo! That was right on time, because by that time my arms were about to fall off from lifting all those rounds.

When winter rolls around I plan on going over to moms and sitting beside the nice warm fire.

Behind the Wheel

2009-06-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

Haven't done one of these types of posts for a while.

Things you don't want to hear at a driving test:

1. OK, next I'd like you to parallel park, Up ahead, there, between that Lexus and the Mercedes.

2. Congratulations Mr Johnson, your teenage son/daughter just passed their test.

3. no, No, NO!!!

4. I've never actually had a driver get a car up on two wheels before.

5. Have you ever considered the benefits of public transportation?

6. Are you by any chance part of the Andretti family?

7. No, that wasn't a speed bump.

8. Are you sure you shouldn't be wearing glasses.

9. Not even that amount of cash is going to help your score.

10. Wow, most people stop the car outside the building.

11. Thirty-two years in the DMV and that's the first time I've ever seen that move.

12. Didn't your brother try this earlier this year? Oh yeah, he didn't pass either.

Feel free to add any others that come to mind in the comments section.

Our Anniversary

2009-06-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

The calendar has reached June 13th, which means Lisa and I are celebrating the seventeenth anniversary of our wedding day.

Much has changed in our lives over the years.

We have two children, and if you're a parent, then you know that changes your life on a daily basis.

We live in a different state. We were both born and raised in California, but have taken up residence in Oregon for about eight years now.

We have each discovered hairs that have changed color from their original shade. (me, much more so than her!)

We have had our share of disagreements over the years. Some of them rather heated, but none of them that lasted any length of time.

We have regrettably had to say goodbye to each of our fathers as well as other family members and even a couple of friends along the way.

One of the things that has not changed over the years, is that we are friends. Before we ever went out on a date we had developed a friendship, and that has continued throughout our marriage.

We have learned the true meaning of our wedding vows: For richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

We've never been monetarily wealthy, nor have we been destitute, but we have seen glimpses of each and remained true to each other in both.

We've had our "for better" times and other times that would qualify for "worse". With a spirit of love and understanding, we made it through each of them with a renewed sense of respect and love for each other.

We've experienced periods of good health and our share of sicknesses along the way. It's true that you gain a real understanding of another person when they are under the weather. Through various illnesses that life has thrown at us, we've learned to care for one another deeply.

The last part of our vows, till death do us part, fortunately has not come, but I do believe I've heard on more than one occasion, "Over my dead body!"

We've experience many things in 17 years of marriage and no doubt will have many more things to look back at in the years to come. More happiness, more memories, more times of worry, more times of great joy, more. . . life. Each of these things we will be able to enjoy or endure, as the case may be, because we will have each other.

So to my wife, my lover, my best friend, my companion, my soul mate. . . I love you. I love you now as I have loved you all of the years we've been together.

Where There's Smoke . . .

2009-06-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

Where there's smoke . . . there's usually an entrance to a shop of some kind.

Now if you are a smoker try not to get your shorts into a bunch by the following post. I will be quick to say that this is not designed to be all inclusive of all smokers. Just as it would be ridiculous to say that a few people in any given group represent the entire body.

OK, now that that little disclaimer is out of the way, on with the rant.

In Oregon smoking is prohibited in just about every public building, and the law further goes on to say that there will be no smoking allowed within ten feet of an entrance (door). Being a non-smoker I obviously have no problem with this. I personally could care less if smoking were banned everywhere outside of ones home. What I do have a problem with is that at nearly every doorway now, some ten feet and one inch away sit or stand a group of displaced smokers puffing away. In order to get through the door I must navigate my way through a thick cloud of nicotine infused air.

The other thing that irritates the crap out of me are all of the inconsiderate pigs that insist on making the patios and sidewalks their own ashtrays. Why is it so hard to actually put the cigarette butt in an ashtray or sand filled container? It tends to look like a sty outside the doorways. Little yellow and white butts everywhere and black marks from stepping on a discarded smoke are more and more common. "People, the world is not your personal toilet, please stop shitting on it at every given opportunity!"

While I'm on the subject, my same lack of love is extended to any of the oink masters that can't use the ashtray in their own cars to discard the end of their cancer sticks. Why do they insist on throwing them carelessly out onto the road? Is it because they are "just a little thing"? BS I say. It is littering plain and simple.

If you are a smoker you may be saying, "Yeah, but we have rights." I'm not disputing that at all. Yes, you do have the right to smoke cigarettes and I'm sure you are more than irritated that your legal areas to do so are shrinking. What my real gripe is, is nothing more than being considerate to those around you.

That being said, I realize I'm biased. I hate cigarettes. I think they are nasty. I think they have the ability to turn the most gorgeous woman into the ugliest one just by seeing her take a drag from one. They have the ability to kill more than four-hundred thousand people every year. They have the ability to grab a hold of people of all ages and never let them go. I see nothing remotely sexy about them, nor do I think they make anyone look cool.

Time to check your shorts. Are they wrinkled and bunched? Let me reiterate, if you're a smoker I do not hate you. I hate that foul, lit smog machine hanging from your face, nothing more

Camping

2009-06-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Camping time is upon us and as promised, here are some photos of our most recent outings.

This first one is of our pop-up tent trailer. After traversing the sides of numerous mountains and sleeping in tents on the cold hard ground, this is my new idea of ruffing it. We love this fun little trailer. It has beds that pop out on either end and a slide out on the back side where the "dining" table is. It makes for pretty decent room inside when it's set up, but is relatively compact when its folded down and is very easy to tow.

These first few photos are from two weeks ago when all four of us went out to the coast (Pacific City, OR) There's a nice RV campground right across the road from the beach. This spot makes a regular appearance on our schedule each year.

The fog kept pretty close to the coast line all weekend. Occasionally it would afford some nice shots like this one, of the monolith just off shore .

Along the north side of the cove there are a number of rocks that are rich with tide pools. Plenty of anemone, crabs, mussels, and other goodies to look at. At low tide we were treated to a whole host of exploration opportunities.

After we checked out the tide pools, we headed back down the beach and came upon a very strange sight. There in the middle of the sand were two giant footprints! I think they must have been left by Gulliver. Check them out for yourselves.

This past weekend was the guys camping trip. I had sandwiches made and as soon as the boys got out of school on Friday we had a quick bite and were on the road. Our destination was Fort Stevens State Park. We had about a two and a half hour drive and spent the whole time talking and laughing and carrying on. Yes, this was going to be a good trip.

Heading west along Hwy 26 through the coast range, there is this cool tunnel through the mountainside. As the boys closed their eyes, held their breath and raised their feet, it reminded me that not only are tunnels beautiful to look at, they are equally as fun to drive through. A reminder from the boys; Let go and enjoy. Thank you guys.

We got to the camp site around five o'clock and started unpacking. Anthony and Matt both eagerly helped set up the camper and then wanted to hop on their bikes to check out the surroundings. While they were familiarizing themselves with the area, I finished setting up and then got dinner going. My only guidelines for meal selection are as follows: It should be easy to prepare and the use of paper plates & plastic-ware whenever possible is a must. Night number one's menu consisted of pulled pork sandwiches (Cooked the meat on Thursday so I just had to re-heat it) and a small green salad. Now, just in case you were ready to stand up and applaud me for including something as healthy as a salad, don't worry, we did have double chocolate brownies for dessert. Yum-O!

It was kind of cold that night and was drizzly/foggy outside, so we opted to forgo the campfire and hang out inside for the rest of the evening. I taught Matthew and re-taught Anthony how to play cribbage. It brought me back to when I was a kid and learned how to play this card game from my dad, most likely on a camping trip somewhere.

After playing cards, we read about several of the shipwrecks that had happened in the area where we were. According the the pamphlet we had, since 1792, approximately 2000 ships had sunk trying to enter the Columbia River from the Pacific, earning it the ominous name of the "Graveyard of the Pacific".

The shipwreck we were most interested in was the Peter Iredale, a British sailing ship that ran aground on October 25, 1906. Fortunately no one died, but I'd be willing to bet the captain wanted to when he had to report back to England what had happened. The thing that makes this wreck so interesting is that a large section of the rusted metal bow still protrudes from the sand just at the surf line so that when the tide is right, you can walk right up to it. When we made it out to it the next afternoon the water was only about ankle deep around it so we were able to get right up close and check it out. It's kind of cool to see the skeleton that has been stuck in the sand and exposed to the elements for over a hundred years, but still stands at least twenty feet out of the water. We broke out our best "Arrrgh, skarve ye navies..." as we took in the sights.

Saturday morning brought with it cool temps, clearing skies and two hungry boys. While sitting at the table enjoying a hearty meal of hash browns, sausages and scrambled eggs, Matthew exclaimed, "This is a man's breakfast, and we're eating it cause we're men!" Coming from his eighty pound, nine year old body, it gave me a pretty good chuckle. I did manage to contain this chuckle to my inside though. After all this had been dubbed the guy's camping trip and I wasn't going to squash his enthusiasm.

With full stomachs and a spirit of adventure we hopped on our bicycles and headed off to explore. The trails through the park are really nice. They are all paved and meander through the trees, shrubs, wild huckleberries with just enough down hill runs to compliment the up hill spots.

Our first stop was at The Battery Russell. It served as the fort's southern lookout and gun placement. The concrete structures are all still there and provided for plenty of investigation for the the three of us. After giving the area a thorough going over it was back on the bikes and off to the main part of the fort a couple miles to the north.

We discovered a really beautiful wetland area in route with lush grasses and a lazy creek running through it. The boys enjoyed riding over the big wooden bridge most, but still managed to take a few moments to take in the scenery with me.

A little while later we were at the north end of the fort. We spent the next couple of hours checking out all the batteries, trucks, cannons/guns and other things. The boys found a jeep to jump in and offer up a salute.

All totaled, we figured we rode about twelve miles up and back and walked a couple more in the process of looking at things. By the time we got back to the camper everyone was a bit tired and you guessed it, hungry. I wonder, is there ever a time when boys are not hungry?

After a brief nap and lunch we went out to the beach to check out the ship wreck I told you about earlier. Later that night we made a big campfire and sat around it talking while the boys roasted marshmallows and turned them into smores. (graham crackers with roasted marshmallows and chocolate squished in between them.)

The campground emptied out pretty early on Sunday morning as they normally do. Most people were headed back to work or back to school. We had both of those things on our agenda as well, but we opted for a more leisurely approach. We gathered up a few things in the morning then went for another short bike ride to the nearby lake. We were having way too much fun to rush going home. Unfortunately, check-out time at the park is 1:00pm, so at 12:59 we fastened the last clip on the trailer and headed out.

On the way home we stopped at a place called Camp 18. It's a restaurant, but has several old rail cars and pieces of logging equipment out front to check out. We didn't eat there this time. (already had lunch back at camp), but figured we'd give it a try next time through. This is one of those spots along the road that is not where you intend on going and can easily be driven past in an effort to get to your destination. Such had been the case on other trips, but I decided I wasn't going to pass it up again and wonder what it was like. We ended up spending about a half an hour looking at all the neat things they had. I've already made a mental note to do this type of thing more often; stop and smell the roses, as it were.

Well, there you have it. A little taste of camping with us. Not sure where we're heading off to next time, but I'm sure it'l be a fun time.

Hello Again

2009-06-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while since posting.

What's been going on around here for the past couple of weeks? Well a certain amount of the same old, same old. Work has been ridiculously slow lately. Not a good thing for this time of year. It's been good for the honey-do list, but not for the checking account. Hopefully that will be changing real soon.

The boys are counting down the days. . . make that the hours until school lets out. Next Tuesday is the final day of the year, and it also happens to be Matthew's ninth birthday. That's kind of a nice present don't you think?

We kicked off the camping season last weekend by heading out to one of our favorite destinations, Pacific City, Oregon. The temperatures inland were in the upper eighties so a trip to the coast where the temps were in the mid sixties was a nice break. We spent the better part of Saturday on the beach having fun and doing our best to get sun burned. We succeeded at both.

Later in the evening the couple who were camped next to us came over and we sat around the camp fire chatting and getting to know one another. Found out they live in a town about fifteen miles from us. Really nice people too. We've already exchanged a couple of emails, and talked about meeting again during the summer for another camp trip.

That's always been one of the things I enjoy about camping; getting to know other people. I recently saw an ad, I believe it was on TV, that said camping was the original social networking site. That made me chuckle and at the same time, nod my head in agreement.

This weekend will be a guys trip. I'm loading up the boys right after school and we're heading up to Fort Stevens for the weekend. This is a great place for exploring. It was used between the civil war and WWII as an military outpost to protect the Columbia River where it meets the Pacific Ocean. All the concrete bunkers are still there and make for some pretty cool exploration. There's also an old shipwreck on the beach to check out, a lake for fishing at and miles of bike and walking trails. Needless to say the boys are excited, then again, so is Lisa. A whole weekend with the house to herself!

I'll be sure to bring my camera and snap some photos to share next week.

Talk with you soon.

Blog Fest NW

2009-05-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

So any of you that have had the chance to meet other bloggers can probably appreciate how fun it is to finally sit across the table from someone you've read and commented with, and at times only known by a screen name. You've no doubt wondered: what does their voice sound like?, are the pictures they show of themselves what they really look like?, what does it sound like when they "LOL" for real?, are they really axe murders you've just invited into your home. . . you get the idea. Well, yesterday I had just such an opportunity. I was able to meet not just one, but three of my blogging friends, and I'm happy to report that not one of them showed up on my doorstep wielding a sharp object! Nope, just four (Starr's daughter joined us) very cool people I had the pleasure of getting to know a bit better.

We had one of those picture perfect weekends where the rain took a brief vacation and the temps climbed into the low eighties. It made for a beautiful afternoon yesterday to hang out on the back patio sipping beves, enjoying a BBQ, and of course, plenty of laughter. (By the way, as I type this, the skies are turning gray again, it's cooling off quickly and before the night is through, it will likely be wet outside. Katherine and the Teamster, your timing was impeccable!)

Did we talk about other bloggers? Just you and you annnnnnd you over there in the corner, yeah your name came up too. Sure, we talked about how fun it would be to have some of the rest of you around the table. We didn't do the live blog or Skype anyone though, sorry Songbird, Matt and Vinny.

My youngest boy Matthew fell in love with Katherine. After showing off all his tricks as any eight year old boy will do with a new audience to perform for, he coaxed her out onto the back lawn after dinner for a game of badminton. She was such a good sport about it too. I think everyone enjoyed watching Anthony and I try to set up the net without looking at the instructions. I also think the Teamster took a picture of the instructions lying on the ground next to us as we struggled with that #%&*

Yesterday also happened to be Lisa's birthday and she enjoyed having a party of sorts for her day. We don't generally do big birthday celebrations for her or me, so it would have otherwise just been a quite night at home. Having some friends over was much more entertaining.

Here's a picture of the cake. Feel free to enjoy a slice.

Matt-Man, this picture is especially for you. From left to right Kat, Lisa and Starr. . . and that lucky devil behind them. . . moi.

Another highlight for both of my boys was getting to put on the motorcycle helmets and pose with "the cool bike!"

The Teamster and Katherine kicking back

Starr (and Kidlet), Katherine, The Teamster. . . it was an absolute pleasure getting to know you all more and I truly hope we have the chance to get together again. One afternoon just wasn't enough time.

Meeting Some Bloggers

2009-05-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

This Sunday I'll have a chance to meet a couple of blogger buddies. Katherine, who was the first person to comment, outside of family or "live" friends, will be up here in the Portland area with her sweetie "The Teamster". Some of you are following his (The Teamster's) Five-O tour on his blog and are tracking his progress through the west.

Side note - his blog is private, or I'd include a link for you.
***Edit***
The Teamster's blog is not private, so if you'd like to check it out just click here. He's got some great pictures of the desert southwest from his motorcycle ride.

Anyhoodle, (kind of like Heck-A-Doodle Bond) Katherine has been reading here since the beginning so I feel like I've got to know her a bit through the months. It'll be great to finally meet her.

The other participant in blogger meets blogger will be Starr. I've read her site off and on over the last year or so. Looks like her daughter, so far only known as kidlet, will be joining her too.

How cool is that? Getting to meet some great people, having a casual BBQ and making this world of blogging just a wee bit smaller. Should be a blast.

I'm pretty sure I'll have a blog for this coming Monday.

Until then,

Ciao

Swine Time

2009-04-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid we've all come down with the Swine Flu! (insert gasp here)

I was the first one to get it. Without regard to anyone but myself, I neglected to wash my hands and then subsequently gave Anthony a hug. Obviously the virus transferred to him. Being the irresponsible twits that we are, we let him go to school anyway. He goes to the same grade school as his younger brother Matthew and even though they are in completely different classrooms, they use the same cafeteria at different times during the day. Matthew must have contracted the virus there. While having lunch, Matthew sneezed and forgot to cover his mouth. When Lisa picked him up a few hours later he high fived her and thereby transferred the virus yet again.

The CDC, WHO and a host of other acronym based agencies should be at our door any minute.

I took a picture of us so you can see what we look like now the we are all infected.

Should you notice any swelling of your snout, please seek medical attention immediately!!!

Howda Abouda Some Chowda

2009-04-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently spring and summer have come and gone here in the great Pacific Northwest. Don't get me wrong, it was a great week, but alas, it once again feels more like winter again.

We had a few days with temps in the 70's and even managed to get one day where the mercury topped eighty. The last couple of days, and for at least a few more, it has and will continue to only top out in the fifties. The good news is the tulips are in full bloom and will keep in their spectacular display with the cooler temps.

We had planned on going out to the coast for the first camping trip of the year, but opted to stay put when we heard the forecast. Good move on our part too as it was drizzly and generally blechy out there. Instead, we had some good family time around home. Went and watched "Monsters vs Aliens" at the theater. (good choice if you have young ones) We also bought a puzzle to put together. That was a lot of fun too. I'll have to post about all the puzzles mom and I used to work on when I was a kid. Plenty of great memories there.

So what does all of this have to do with the title of this post? Nothing yet, but I'm getting to that.

One of the meals we had was clam chowder. Thought I'd share what I like to do to make store bought soup taste soooooo much better.

Please excuse the less than great photo

Quantities intentionally left out - Use as much or as little of the following, depending on your taste, or, as my grand mother would have said, "Pour it in until it looks right."

Cube and cook a couple pieces of bacon (not crispy)
Peel and par boil some potatoes
Cube some celery stalks and red onion

In a large soup pot melt a small amount of butter and add the celery and onions. Cook till tender. Add canned soup, bacon, par boiled potatoes and additional clams. Add a bit of whipping cream, half and half or milk to thin a bit. (Let your own calorie count be your guide here) Heat slowly until hot all the way through. The only other seasoning I add is a bit of black pepper.

Ladle into a bowl and add some oyster crackers and/or dip in sour dough bread. Eat a bowl full, then go back and get another one. Eat that one and even though you'll be stuffed, have just a wee bit more cause it tastes so darned good. Lay back on the sofa and complain about how full you are and tell the person next to you, "I shouldn't have had that last bowl." Watch as they nod in agreement and tell you the very same thing.

Trust me, canned soup never tasted so good.

The Return of a Blogger

2009-04-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

I'm glad to announce that the funk has given way to a brighter, lighter me.

Time for the era of no obligation and no rules blogging.

In my absence I looked back over several posts and realized how many times I said something similar to, "Sorry I haven't posted lately" or "Sorry I haven't been by your site to read lately". The sentiment was sincere in each case, but I came to realize that I was starting to blog out of some sort of feeling of obligation rather than for the pure joy of it. This more than any other reason, led to burn out.

So how do I avoid falling into that cycle again? Simple. I will post here or read other blogs when time allows and I feel like it. By no means do I say that in a callous way, just as a statement of how I wish to proceed.

Now, all of that sounds so serious after reading it again, but rest assured, I'm the same old guy beneath it all.

Thanks to you that have commented lately or sent emails with your well wishes. Each and every one of them are appreciated.

Not Feeling It

2009-04-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

I'm not deleting the blog, but I'm also not feeling motivated to do anything with it either.

I'm in a funk of late. Don't feel like writing, nor much like reading.

I'll keep the site on the airwaves in hopes that motivation will strike again.

Until then, Ciao.

Airing Out My Laundry

2009-04-01T17:39:00.001-07:00

What do we have here?

That would be a spiffy new washer and dryer. Not that we necessarily wanted to buy these, but considering our old dryer had been slowly becoming less and less efficient at doing its job and the washer decided to completely die the other day, we were more or less forced into it. I talked to a couple of different repair techs about the old set and they both said, given the age of them and the price of repairing them, we'd probably be better off biting the bullet and going new.

Oh well. I suppose we would have just used that money for something frivolous like food or clothes.

So much more fun dumping into an appliance don't you think? NOT!

~~~

Remember the ridiculously expensive light bulb we bought for our TV a few weeks back? Guess what? About a week after installing it, the TV died. We took it into the shop and of course they couldn't find anything wrong with it. We brought it back home and it worked for a day or two and then died again. GAAAAHHHH!!!

~~~

Did I mention. . . at the beginning of the month, Lisa was hanging up the shower curtain in our downstairs bathroom, lost her balance and came crashing down, bruising both her leg and her pride, along with sending a small flower vase into the pedestal sink. All in all she was fine, but the sink ended up with a rather large crack in it.

~~~

Anyone see a theme here?

I don't know about you all, but I for one am quite happy the month of March is behind us for this year.

~~~

I've been doing some research on some different flooring products to use in my business and as a result, my internet time has been spent doing that instead of much blogging. If you haven't seen me by your place lately, that's why.

Hollywood Does It Again

2009-03-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I should call this a movie review or a public service announcement. Either way, here goes:

The weather outside today was dreadful at best. It was mostly crappy with periods of icky followed by down right nasty. Figuring getting out into the yard would have to wait for another day and feeling like I needed an escape from reality for a couple of hours I headed to the theater.

My brother Gene recently poo pooed "Knowing" recently so I decided it was out. It has Nicolas Cage in it, need I say more? Well, after a brief peruse of the shows playing I decided on "12 Rounds". The synopsis from Fandango was as follows:

When New Orleans cop Danny Fisher (John Cena) prevents a brilliant thief from successfully carrying out his latest heist, the thief's girlfriend is accidentally killed. Hungry for revenge, the criminal mastermind breaks out of prison and kidnaps Danny's fiancee. To save her, Danny must successfully navigate his way through an elaborate series of tasks and puzzles, or else watch the love of his life die.

I'm generally not big on the shoot 'em up over the top action flicks, but for some reason, this sounded like it might just fit the bill for today. Wrong-O!

This ended up being one hour and forty-eight minutes of nothing more than one ridiculously impossible action sequence after another. Explosions, Fire trucks smashing into cars, Helicopter blowing up in mid air, so on and so forth.

If there was a plot to it, they did one heck of a job concealing it.

All the way through it I kept wondering who the leading actor was. I knew I'd seen his face before, but could not for the life of me place where from. When the credits rolled, (yeah I actually stayed that long) I saw the name John Cena. He's a "Big time" wresting guy I recognized from the TV commercials. Funny thing is, he wasn't all that horrible as an actor. Given the right roll, he might actually be decent. Unfortunately, this was not such a roll.

I would have to give this movie two thumbs and all of my fingers way way down.

Back in the Saddle

2009-03-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

As heard coming from my eight year old last night at dinner time: "Mom, You might want to sleep in the spare room tonight. . . Dad's having lots of beans!" Ha, my reputation precedes me.

Alright, it's time for me to come out of hiding once again.

It was interesting taking a week off from the blog. Funny how long that can seem. Maybe it's like dog years or something.

This next part you can file away under "Dirty-rotten, cheap-bastard".

About a week and a half ago we got a call from a potential client for one of our decorative concrete coatings. Actually that's not entirely true. The client himself was too damned important to call, so he had his assistant contact us. Not too unusual when the project is for a company, but this was for his personal residence.

After a few phone calls and a couple of emails back and forth, my brother Mark was able to set a meeting with Mr Important to go over color selection. He looked at the various samples and was waffling between two different ones. He asked if he could keep them and show his wife so they could compare notes and come up with a final selection. "No problem" Mark told him.

BTW- At this point in the process a bid proposal with our pricing had already been submitted and approved by Mr Important.

Two days later, the secretary of Mr Important called Mark and asked for the address where she could send the color samples back to. She also said her boss had just got a cheaper bid for the work so he would not need our services after all.

Now for the good part. A day later I received a phone call from a contractor asking about one of our colors. He first wanted to know where we bought our color chips for the floors. I gave him the name of the manufacturer and told him they would sell the chips to him. He then wanted to know if he could buy seventy-five pounds of our "London Fog" color chip. I told him we weren't distributors so I didn't have any type of pricing for just the chips. I said I would look into it and get back to him.

As soon as I hung up the phone I started thinking, "hmmm, I'll bet you this is the guy who undercut our bid and is going to do the job for Mr Important.

The next day I called him back and asked, "Are you by any chance, using this chip for the Total Mechanical job?"

With a bit of hesitation, he replied, "Uh, as a matter of fact I am."

I then informed him that I was the contractor that was originally supposed to do that job and I had no interest in supplying my competitor with my own proprietary color blend so he could do the job I had already been awarded previously.

Talk about balls of steel!

Mr Important wanted his floor done for rock bottom price, but liked our color samples so he had the new contractor call and try to get our color blend. He also must have thought by having the guy call me instead of Mark I wouldn't put two and two together. Guess what? He was WRONG.

Now he's going to get a cheap floor and won't be getting the color he wants.

What an ass!

I'll be getting by to catch up with you all soon.

Break Time

2009-03-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

A Word in Edgewise is officially on Spring Break.

Figured, why should school kids be the only ones to get time off this time of year?

Be back when the mood strikes me.

Runway Humor

2009-03-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

We all need a good laugh from time to time. These two guys certainly understand that.

Have you laughed like that lately?

Have a Story?

2009-03-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Calling all writers. Just wanted to give you a reminder that this month's Portrait of Words writing challenge is set for posting at the beginning of next week Mar 16-18. It's not too late to put a story together and join the fun. I say it's not too late as much for my benefit as for yours, because as of today (Thurs) I haven't started mine either.

If you'd like to see what the writing prompts are for this month just click here.

~~~

I actually did have a whole grumbling / whining post all prepared to go, but I decided no one needed to hear it, so this is all there is for this evening. Boy O Boy, aren't you glad you clicked over here now?

Music To My Ears

2009-03-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has a child of school age years has probably at some point, seen one of these masterpieces of plastic in his or her backpack on its journey home from music class. It's usually accompanied by your precious little one saying something like, "Hey mom and dad, look what I'm learning how to play!"

Additionally, anyone who has heard these words uttered, knows full well of the treat that awaits the ear drums.

Now if you're really fortunate like Lisa and I are, you'll have two children demonstrating their musical prowess for you simultaneously with versions of "Hot Cross Buns", "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and other timeless classics echoing from various rooms in the house. Yes this has been our world for the past several weeks now, and all of this has been leading up to what we got to enjoy this evening. Yes sports fans, tonight was the musical extravaganza at the boy's school, and the instrument being highlighted was the recorder. (that plastic flute like doodad in the picture).

If you've enjoyed one of these evenings before, you're probably smiling right now, if not, let me give you an idea of what you've missed. Imagine approximately a hundred and fifty children with the musical experience of a box of Cheerios all blowing into these high pitched noise makers at the same time. It sort of resembled what I can only describe as what you might hear if you were to take a dozen or so screech owls, put them in a blender and hit frappé!

Okay, the whole performance was only about forty-five minutes long, but because we are incredibly lucky, we got to be entertained through two back to back performances. Why was this? Because our boys are a couple of grades apart, and the school had separate time slots for the two groups. Yeppee Skippee. Yep, this meant we got twice the listening time for the same low low price.

Anthony's group was paired with the sixth graders who are in the first year of band. What did this mean? It meant that not only were there about eighty or so recorders tooting along in all their glory, but there were also trumpets, trombones, flutes, drums and a handful of other instruments all playing the same song at relatively the same time; That is give a note or two of varience. As an added bonus, the choir joined in on some of the songs too. I had no idea ther were that many different octaves in the musical scale.

Alright, I know I've poked a lot of fun at the kids expense, but all in all it was a great night. We smiled a lot, laughed a bunch and got to be there for the boys. My ears may never be the same, but I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

Give Me a Sign

2009-03-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

This combination of signs on the restroom door at my local Home Depot gave me a chuckle. Anyone want to guess why?

The Followers Follow-up

2009-03-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed reading all of your comments on the previous post about the followers widget and live feed / stat trackers. Thank you for your well thought out and open responses.

So what did I glean from what you had to say? As I see it, the following:

1. This one should come as no big surprise. We are all individuals and as such, the reasons for having or not having these little gadgets vary widely from one person to the next. From "I think they are too highschoolish" to "I like the way they look on my sidebar", what one person might find as fun, another might view as ridiculous. So is one of these views more correct than another? Of course not. They are, just as we all are, different. Thank the good Lord for that too I say. Can you imagine how boring it would be if we all liked exactly the same things? Ugh.

2. There is no perfect formula for what my or any other blog should look like and trying to find it will only make a person crazy. If you like using a particular widget or doodad on your blog then go for it. It's your little piece of the Internet to do with as you see fit. We all have the ability to continue tuning in or to go elsewhere if what we see doesn't please us.

3. Three out of four commenters surveyed declare that I am in fact a macho stud muffin! Okay, so a couple of you said this, but come on, you had to know I'd be milking that one for all it was worth.

4. A couple of gadgets on a sidebar are probably not going to make someone stop reading your site. We are visited by the content of our blog, not because of what we have it decorated with. While we're on the subject, may I interject the following? Whether you post with humor, political commentary, beautiful photographs, stories, etc. keep doing what comes natural to you. When you start trying to change your individual style to conform to what you think others expect, then you'll be doing nothing but fighting an uphill battle.

5. Music. I'm glad someone brought this one up. Our musical styles do seem to be quite a personal thing don't they? We like what we like and would rather not be bothered with what we don't. I generally don't have my speakers on while I'm surfing around, so the music players don't make a difference to me. I suppose if I had them on, then these would be an annoyance to me, but again, to each his or her own. I do like the player bars that some use though. This gives me a choice as to whether or not I want to hit play.

~~~

So what am I going to do about my own followers list? I think I'm going to keep it. I'll probably keep it at the top of the side bar for a while and when I feel like a change, I'll drop it down lower or even to the bottom of the page.

Site feed? I had the Cluster Map thingy before and kind of liked that one. Always thought it was fun to look at the world map and see where people were visiting from. No hidden agenda to it at all, just cool to know that people thousands of miles away would read my ramblings.

The blog list. That I'm definitely keeping. I love being able to see when you've posted something new, and this does a great job of that. There are a couple of exceptions to this "works great" part. For some reason there are still two blogs listed there that don't get updated or linked properly. Blogger gremlins perhaps, I really don't know why.

There, that about covers it for today.

Just Wondering

2009-03-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

I decided to put the followers widget up on my sidebar. I've lovingly referred to those listed as "My Stalkers". Hope you don't mind. I did notice that all thirteen are women, and I'd like to think that's because I'm some sort of macho stud, but . . . Wait, this is my own little fantasy world, and I'm going to go with just that!- A macho stud!

I'm a legend in my own mind.

So what do you think of the followers list here or elsewhere. Like it - Hate it? Why?

~~~

Here's another one for ya. What about the live feed doodads I see on some sites? Personally I don't like them and here's my reason why. When I visit a site with one of those goodies in its sidebar, the city where I'm currently at appears along with the blog I'm coming from. That in itself doesn't really bother me, but what does, is that if I decide to pop back over a few minutes later to see if the person has responded to my comment (or for any other reason) there I am again at the top of the list of visitors. Why does this bother me you ask? You did ask didn't you? Cause now I feel like a damn stalker. Sometimes I'll go back to a site several times in a day to read other comments or to look at another post or whatnot. I just hate that I keep showing up on the stat watcher.

Okay, so that probably sounds paranoid, but that's why they bug me. What's your two cents? Some of you have these on your sites and I wonder what you look at from them. I could be totally off with my own perception of them. So now's your time to set the record straight. Are they just interesting to look at? Do they give you useful information of some sort? or ???

~~~
The comment box awaits you.

Pot Roast

2009-03-02T20:56:00.000-08:00

As winter winds its way down, soon will be the time of longer days and BBQ's. For now though, with the temperature struggling to make it above the mid fifties, comfort food like the all in one pan "Pot Roast" is still tasting mighty fine.

I honestly can't remember ever cooking a pot roast before tonight. If I ever did it was so long ago that it's slipped my mind. (insert old age jokes here)

Oh well, here is my very first? second? one:

About a three pound chuck roast studded with garlic and seasoned with salt and pepper. Put a little oil in the pan and sear it on both sides on the stove top.

Put it in the oven at 320 F with a lid on for about two and a quarter hours. Put in some potatoes, carrots and onions. Back in the oven (covered) for another hour or so. Make a little gravy out of the drippings if you like. (cause the roast isn't nearly bad enough on your arteries by itself)

Fix a plate. Listen to the kids say, "Ewww we don't like onions". Tell them to, "Be quiet and eat 'em anyway cause they'll put hair on your chest!" (BTW- this only works with boys) and then enjoy some darned tasty eats. That's a roll at the top of the plate if you're wondering.

Thanks to my mom for the cooking instructions, and no I didn't use your top secrete method of preparing it. Bwahahahahaha (sorry everyone, inside joke.)

Feral Gone

2009-02-28T13:56:00.000-08:00

Wanted to share this video with you all. It was made by some of my nieces along with their dad (my brother Mark aka the narrator). At just under two minutes long it's a pretty quick one to watch, so do yourself a favor sit back and take it in, your funny bone will thank you.

Happy Anniversary Wordzzle

2009-02-27T17:12:00.000-08:00

This marks the 52nd week Raven has hosted the writing challenge that is Wordzzle. Congratulations and thank you for sticking to it for a whole year. That's quite a nice accomplishment.

It's been several weeks since I've personally participated, but I couldn't very well miss this week, now could I?

The words and phrases for this week's challenge are as follows:

Ten Word- Netflix, mortgage, skunk, flagrant, The New York Times, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, perpendicular, geometry, crabby, shoveling snow

The Mini- pragmatic, crystal ball, laundry, safflower oil, Gregorian chants

The Mini
"Stain Removal"

Louise May Finklestein was never known for her pragmatic approach to things. I mean, gazing into a crystal ball and bellowing out Gregorian chants in an attempt to will the safflower oil out of her laundry was just plain silly.

The Ten Word
"Long Winter"

I don't know what made me more crabby this winter; Shoveling snow in perpendicular lines up and down the driveway once a day, or writing out a check each month to those skunks at the bank who hold my mortgage. Then again, perhaps it was that geometry teacher turned critic who now works for The New York Times. His flagrant misuse of the phrase "Two thumbs up!" was never more evident than when he suggested anybody with a Netflix membership have them rush a copy of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy to their mailbox. In my humble opinion, that's one guy who should have stayed in school!

The Mega
"Medium"

Walking through the door I knew something was desperately wrong. "Excuse me," I cautiously asked, "I thought this was Wong's Laundry?" A woman looking a lot like a character I'd seen from the movie Netflix sent me, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, looked up from her crystal ball and said with a crabby tone, "It used to be, but they couldn't afford the mortgage any more, so now I'm the new tenant. Now if you please, set down that safflower oil stained shirt and be quiet. I'm trying to reach the other side."

As she began wailing away at what sounded like a Gregorian chant gone horribly wrong, I couldn't help myself. Maybe it was my pragmatic nature, or maybe it was just my twisted wit, but I had to ask, "The other side of what?"

She looked up again at me with her nose completely wrinkled as if she just smelled a skunk and said, "Young man, your flagrant misunderstanding of the things not of this world is appalling! Now if you will, get you and your New York Times attitude perpendicular and get the hell out of my shop!"

I had no idea what that last reference to newspapers and geometry meant, but as I stood in my driveway shoveling snow later that afternoon, I couldn't help but wonder, "How did she know my shirt was stained with safflower oil?"

~~~

If you enjoyed reading these, please consider going by and say hi to Raven. If you didn't like them, go by anyway. I mean, who doesn't like to hear happy anniversary?

What Is It #11 Solved

2009-02-24T08:15:00.000-08:00

Time to solve the mystery of what yesterday's pictures were of. The first one was especially difficult to figure out.

Finding Pam was on the right track, and her guess of: "Rocket engine motor" (along with correctly identifying the other two) made her the big winner!

Honorable mention goes to BJ Roan who even went so far as to Google Space Shuttle pictures in hopes of gleaning the answer. Her official guess of: "Space Shuttle's exhaust pipe!" was a good one, but a few decades into the future.

#1
Titan II rocket engine as used by NASA's Gemini space program
We saw this at the Evergreen Air and Space Museum last summer

#2
Pow! Biff! Zam!
The inside of a Batman and Robin lunchbox circa 1966

#3

Makeup Sponges
They always look like bland cheese wedges to me

And now for the winner we have a little prize:

Congratulations Pam. Feel free to proudly display this if you wish, and no worries if you'd rather not.

I'll have to remember to break out this little guessing game more often. Almost forgot how much fun it is to read your guesses.

What Is It #11

2009-02-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

Before we begin: I've updated my blog link list. I think everyone is included, but if I've neglected to add your name, please feel free to let me know in the comments or by email and I'll be sure to add you as well. Quilly and Bond, I'm still trying to figure out why your two are the only ones that won't link up properly.

~~~

Here's a blast from the past. The other day when I took a picture of my ridiculously expensive light bulb for the TV, it reminded me of the guessing game I used to post here on occasion. Looking through the archives showed that the last time I did this was back in July. Wow, time flies.

Knowing there are some new readers since that time, here's how it works: Below you will see three items pictured at a very close up perspective. Can you guess what they are?

I will post the answers along with an expanded view picture of all three tomorrow.

Hints are included at the bottom of this post if you get stumped.

#1

#2

#3

***Give up? Hints Below***

#1 Out of this world

#2 I'll trade you my sandwich for your cookie

#3 For the right application please use . . .

Aging

2009-02-19T19:38:00.000-08:00

A very dear friend of mine emailed the following to me (written by her). I found it to be such a refreshing view at the aging process, I had to share it with all of you:

~~~

Today is my 50th birthday and amidst all the funnies, the AARP subscription, the calculator my husband gave me with the enormous numbers on it, and the numerous senior discount cards my friends have bestowed upon me (all in great fun guys, and yes I am still laughing)................amidst all that fun and frivolity, I have been asked how I feel about being 50, with the implication that I am getting old.........

In all seriousness, I look at aging the same way I look at everything else in my life - from an eternal standpoint. I, like all of you, am NOT aging! There is no such thing. It's ridiculous. We are eternal creatures and will never perish. Every human being will live forever. It's just a matter of where we will live. But, we were created for eternity. We do not age as the world loves to feed into that Great Lie of our times. The only thing that is aging is the vessel in which I reside right now. And so, my answer to how I feel about that is:

BRING IT ON! Because that means I am one day closer to Paradise and a glorified body! Amen. Now, in all honesty, do I like the aging of my body? Of course not. No one does. The wrinkles, sagging, arthritis, etc. No one "likes" that. And it is a difficult thing to see that happening and learn to accept it. Another of those lessons the Master needs us to learn because there are eternal implications in the learning of it.

Every single day of our lives is one more day closer to Paradise. This is the focus and truth I will remain in today and I will not buy into the world's clamor for youth and beauty being physical. I will trust God's economy that who I am will always be youthful and beautiful, because I am His, even as this vessel of mine deteriorates.

Jan M.

~~~

On my fiftieth birthday I'm going to break this out and read it again!

Let There Be Light

2009-02-18T20:15:00.000-08:00

When I took these two pictures I considered doing another "What Is It" post with them, but perhaps I'll resurrect that game again another time.

For the short term, I'll still ask, "Do you know what I've photographed?"

The answer is: The most expensive light bulb I've ever purchased.

A few years ago, we bought a big screen TV and on a recommendation from the sales person, the extended warranty to go along with it. He said it would pay for itself, and I'm glad I listened, because he was absolutely right. They replaced the bulb three times during the warranty period.

This particular type of TV (DLP) uses a high intensity light bulb to illuminate the screen. Yes there are other components that aid in this function, but the light bulb is the one that wears out. So how much does this little gem go for? How about $174.00 That's right. No typo there.

Ha, maybe I should have taken Cole's "friend" from yesterday with me. She probably could have got 'em down to twenty or thirty bucks!

~~~

I think I've settled in on the color scheme that you see now. I like the dark background, and it's got a bit of color to help break up the blacks and grays. How about the text, is it easy to read?

~~~

Stranger Than Fiction

2009-02-17T20:29:00.000-08:00

Most of you know how much I enjoy writing fiction, but sometimes real life just entertains us so much more than anything we can dream up. Yesterday was no exception to this fact.

The following accounts are true. and no, I haven't changed any names to protect the innocent.

I've been working with my good friend Cole lately. We always seem to end up with some sort of story to tell about a goof up one of has done or an oddity about a client we're working for. Yesterday was Cole's turn to reel in the fodder.

I was working on the latest remodel project while he went to do a small drywall patch for a gal first thing in the morning. He also had to stop by the other remodel project we are in the middle of. When he got back to where I was about 10:30 in the morning, he said, "Buddy, you're never going to believe my morning."

My response of course was, "Try me."

Cole: "You know that gal I went to do that drywall job for?"

Me: "Ya"

Cole: "When I got ready to go, I got out my receipt book to to write up an invoice for her. Do you know what the fruit loop said?"

Me: (big grin forming on my face) "What?"

Cole: "She said: Oh, I didn't think you were going to charge me for this."

Me: (bigger grin now) "Excuse me?"

Cole: "I told her I usually charge a minimum of $250.00 for a patch job like this. She then proceeds to say because she knows me that she thought I was just going to do the job for nothing."

*Foot Note- She knows him because she is friends with someone Cole goes to church with. Guess in her little world, that makes them best buds.

Me: (beginning to snicker a bit)

Cole: "Then she says, she can't afford that much. So I said, Fine, how about a hundred bucks? She begins whining about that too and tells me she doesn't have any extra money at all."

Me: (the tee-hee's have now set in)

Cole: " Umm, what do you have? She opens up her wallet and counts out $47.00 and hands it to me."

Me: (I'm laughing so hard at this point I can barely stand up)

Then he tells me, "Hey it gets even better."

After leaving her place, he went over to Dave's place to check in and see how the hard wood floor installers were doing. When he got there, they told him Dave was upstairs. He proceeds up the stairs to find him.

*Foot note- At the beginning of the project, Dave had told Cole if he needed him to just come upstairs. No problem usually, but Dave didn't know Cole was coming by this day.

BTW- Dave is around 75 years old

As Cole turns the corner at the top of the stairs to go to Dave's office he sees him sitting at his desk with the computer on. There on the screen is a CLOSE-UP of a buck naked woman with the camera focused on her hoo haa. That's right, Mr seventy-five year old is upstairs looking at porn while the floor guys are downstairs working on his house!

Wisely, Cole stopped, backed up a few steps and then called out, "Hello . . Dave. . . are you up here?"

He said he never heard a mouse click so fast in all his life! Thank god the old fart wasn't waxing his Willie. That would have probably caused some long term damage to Cole's eyes.

One last bit. Cole had another job to look at and bid at the end of the day. It was in an area called Forrest Heights. It's a rather well-to-do area where houses start at around $800k and go upwards of a couple million. The woman had some water damage to three areas in her garage ceiling and one wall. She said the insurance adjuster had already come out and wanted to know if Cole would do the job for what the had given her. When he asked how much the adjustment was for, she told him, "$62.00".

I about horse laughed myself silly when he told me that.

I tell you, I can not make up stuff like this.

Remodel

2009-02-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

It's time for a remodel here at A Word In Edgewise.

I got bored with the standard "Rounders" template from Blogger, so I decided to download a new one and start tweaking it. Doing it is relatively simple, but finding a color scheme I can live with is something that's going to take a bit of time. What you see right now is not what the finished product will look like at all. In fact, it may change several times over the next week or so until I finally settle in on one.

I did find out that when I downloaded this template, that my widgets (items in the side bar) all got deleted or goofed up. Perhaps there is a way of doing this without loosing that info, but I certainly didn't know what it was. Oh well, guess I'll just have to rebuild it again. The good part about it is, I'll likely end up teaching myself some new stuff along the way.

So, if you come by during the next few days, you're likely to see a different look each time.

~~~

If you've come by looking for the Portrait of Words posting, it has a new home which you can find by clicking here.

BTW- Two times today, I've looked at the other site and none of the posts have been visible. Straaaaaange Don't know if it's a Blogger thing of a Mr Linky thing or some sort of alien evasion plot thing.

Portrait of Words has moved

2009-02-15T16:30:00.000-08:00

Looking for this month's Portrait of Words story and links? It has been moved to my new writing blog of the same name. You can click here for a quick link to it, or if you prefer: http://portraitofwords.blogspot.com

Many of you have already come by for a look. To those of you, thank you. For the rest of you, what the heck are you waiting for? Okay, Okay, don't get your shorts all up in a bunch, just come by if you feel like it.

And now, for something completely different...

Slogans that are a bit more accurate:

VISA -It's everywhere you can't afford to be

American Express -You can leave debt without it

Hallmark- When you're pressured into sending the very best

Microsoft - Where do you want to go (CTRL ALT DEL . . . Restart . . .) today

How about if Allstate Insurance and Kellogg's Rice Krispies got together:
You're in good hands with Snap, Crackle and Pop

If the Milk Board hooked up with AT&T:
It does a body good when you reach out and touch someone

Another greeting card possibility:
In celebration of your liver transplant we chipped in a got you a new puppy. We named him spot.

Hmmm, can you tell I'm out of ideas right now? Any good memes out there?

A Poem, Writing and Stuff

2009-02-13T19:03:00.000-08:00

With Friday the 13th being juxtaposed with Valentines Day this year, I came up with a little poem to celebrate them both:

Roses are red
And so is blood
Now that you're dead
Valentines Day is a dud

~~~

Hey, I finally got around to posting a story on my other blog. If you're interested, you can find it here.

Speaking of writing and the other blog. It's about time for the next installment of our Portrait of Words stories. The posting window for them this month is next Mon-Wed 16-19.

I will be posting my story on my other blog along with the link list, but since many of you are accustomed to coming here to read them and leave your link information, I will be sure to do something this month to take care of that. Maybe a second link list or some sort of redirect note.

~~~

Tomorrow (Saturday) will be a non working day for Jeffy. Can I get a Yahooooooo on that one brothas and sistas?

By no means am I complaining about the amount of work that's been coming my way, but I am really looking forward to a day that I can just hang out with the family. I think the boys and I might make some bird houses or some such thing. I think they need some "build something with dad" time.

No big plans for going out with Lisa tomorrow. Probably just have a quiet evening in this year. Some years we go out for dinner and a movie and others are more like this year. Fortunately she's OK with either of them, just so long as we're together.

Well, that's it for tonight. Maybe I'll have something a bit more interesting to say next time. Until then . . . Ciao

Back home

2009-02-09T06:38:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Oregon. Made it back safe and sound yesterday afternoon.

I'm going to be working on a remodel during the day time this week and grinding a concrete floor out at an Intel campus tonight and tomorrow night so I probably won't be around much over the next couple of days. After that things will return to their normal busy pace and I'll be sure to get by to catch up on what you've been doing.

Some of you have asked about pictures of the recent project I did with my brother Gene. His wife and daughters took several (pics) and he's posted some of them on his site. My camera of course stayed idle in the console of my truck for the majority of the trip. Anyhoodle, if you'd like to see what we were working on, and us having fun, pop over to his place and have a look. You can click here.

He even said some nice things about me. That in itself is worth the trip over there! Don't worry though, I'm sure it was only a temporary lapse in his snarkyness.

It was a bunch of fun working with my bro on the man cave and I might be back there with the rest of the family during spring break. It still needs to be painted, and I hear the fish will be biting that time of year too.

Bye for now.

We Did It

2009-02-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

After four days of scaling ladders I think it's safe to say, neither Gene nor I want to be siding contractors when we grow up! Dang, that's some hard work. I told Gene that's the largest building I've ever put siding on and I plan on keeping it that way. At 30x50 with twelve foot high walls I think we put up about a billion pieces of cement board siding. My hands look kind of like hamburger now too. The cement drys out the fingertips and then they like to crack. Not real fun, but such is life.

Gene and Cynthia's oldest daughter and her husband just took possession of their very first house this week. They were supposed to get the keys last week, but things got delayed for one reason or another. Cynthia had planned on heading down there (San Jose area) to help paint, clean and get things in order. As a result of their one week wait, she was still at home while I was here. I told her I sure was glad she was able to be here while I was around. Had she have been gone, I would have been real tired of Top Ramen and Pop Tarts by now. Fortunately I didn't have to rely on Genes fine culinary prowess, Cynthia took great care of me, and I ate like a king.

While we were having lunch today I looked up and saw a birthday card mom had sent to Gene. I thought about it and wondered if I changed the words a bit, (ok, quite a bit) what it might sound like. I came up with the following:

"Son, you have a special place in my heart. Kind of like an aneurysm!"

I'm thinking of a new career in the greeting card business.

Well, this trip south is about a wrap. I'm going to church with Gene and Cynthia tomorrow morning, then I'll be heading back home. Talk with you soon.

At My Brothers

2009-02-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

Howdy all. I'm about 300 miles south of home right now at my brothers house. Those of you that read his site know he's been working on building his new shop, (aka the man cave) for a little while now. He had a local contractor build the main structure and pour the slab. As a guy who works in the trades, I can honestly say they did a great job!

Gene called about a week and a half ago and asked if I would be interested in coming down and helping him put the siding on. I was able to create a hole in my schedule and make it down here.

Today was day one and we made some pretty good progress. We got all the corner boards, door and window trim put up and about half of the first side of cement board siding on. By tomorrow we should have two of the four sides complete. When I get back home I'll be sure to post some pictures for you to see.

~~~

Now on a completely different topic. Just before I came down here, I had to renew my drivers licence and the registration for my truck. Any of you that live in California may want to make sure you're sitting down before you read any further.

I walked into the local DMV at 4:02 pm with my passport, soc sec card and my old licence in hand. The guy at the counter politely (amazing I know) asked if he could help me. I explained I was there for a renewal and he said to take a number and someone would be with me shortly. I pressed the button and received number 24. Before I could take a seat, a person for behind the counter called out, "Number 24." With a smile on her face, she looked over the information and said, "Looks like everything is in order. That'll be $39.00"

I handed her a check and she told me to take my old licence to the next station down the counter and drop it in the box then another person would take a new photo of me in a moment. This time I actually had to sit for about a full minute. (Oh the humanity!!!) The next person snapped a picture and handed me a paper copy of my new licence, explaining that the "real" one would arrive in the mail in 3-5 days.

Start to finish I was in and out of the DMV with a new eight year licence in under five minutes. That's right, 5 minutes. I've waited in line at Starbucks longer than that!

The next day I went to the DEQ to have a smog certificate/test done on the truck. This trip took considerably longer however, mostly because there were two other people in line ahead of me. I think the whole process took less than ten minutes. As a nice side benefit, I was able to pay my two year registration at the same time, meaning I wouldn't have to go back to the DMV to take care of it.

Let's recap shall we? In approximately fifteen minutes total time I was able to renew my drivers licence, get a smog cert and register my truck. Yes, Oregon does have it's good sides.

~~~

I've got a story in the works for the new blog, but since I'm on "vacation" I might not get to posting it for a few days.

Bye all.

New Blog

2009-02-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

Wanted to give you all heads up that I finally got my new blog up and running. I'm not planning on doing anything different here except my fiction writing will be posted on the other blog now. I felt the need to have one site that was dedicated to that endeavor alone.

My buddy Ron turned me on to a site called Ourblogtemplates.com where I found all sorts of customizable templates. Much more diversity than what the handful Blogger has to offer. Best of all, they're free to use! Bonus!

Another nice benefit to them is they're super easy to download and use. More on that another time perhaps.

I also discovered how to export and import the information from this blog into the new one. That way I could transfer all of the POW stories and links directly into it. Waaaay cool!

Hope to see your bright shinning faces at the new digs.

It's called Portrait of Words and has the same URL - http://portraitofwords.blogspot.com

If you prefer, you can click here to get there.

And now. . . Are you ready for some FOOTBALL ?!?!?!

Old as Dirt

2009-01-31T17:03:00.000-08:00

I opened up a web page earlier and saw a picture of a woman, who according to her birth certificate, is now the ripe old age of 128.

Here is the picture:

The timing of this discovery couldn't have been any better, because what I really wanted to post about is my older, much much older, brother Gene.

Yes today, 1/31/2009 marks his entry into the half century club. Hard to believe someone as young as me could have someone as old and decrepit as Gene for a brother I know, but alas it's true.

Found a couple of facts from 1959:

Average Cost of new house $12,400

Average Yearly Wages $5,010

Cost of a gallon of Gas 25 cents

Average Cost of a new car $2,200

Movie Ticket $1.00

Loaf of Bread 20 cents

Fidel Castro comes to power in Cuba after Revolution with the first communist state in the west

Alaska becomes the 49th State of the United States

Hawaii becomes the 50th State of the United States

The last musical from Rodgers and Hammerstein "The Sound of Music" opens on Broadway

Bonanza premieres on NBC, the first weekly television series broadcast completely in color

Etch A Sketch by Arthur Grandjean

I'll be heading down to go see the old man next week. He and I are going to put the siding up on his new shop (aka The Man Cave) I'll probably have to call and remind him I'm coming down there now that senility has likely set in.

Here's a age appropriate list for Gene I saw as well:

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Well, that's about all the abuse I have for now dear brother.

Happy Birthday ya old fart!

(If you have a minute go by and wish the old geezer a happy 50th. You can find him here.)

The Non-Post Post

2009-01-29T17:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, you read that title correctly. I decided to put up a post that basically says nothing more than I don't have a post right now.

I've been busier than a (____________) insert your own phrase here.

Up early, home late and dog tired by the time me butt finally hits the chair. As a result, I haven't been doing much in the way of blogging.

Just thought I'd let you know why I haven't been around lately.

I did decide to start a writing blog and should have that ready to unveil in the next week. I'll keep this one going too, but for more of the day to day stuff, family happenings and general humorous and cynical style things.

Hmmm, guess I did have something to say after all. Anyhoo, I hope some of you will still be here when I get back to regular posting again. Hopefully in the not to distant future.

Until then ciao.

February POW Photos

2009-01-24T10:38:00.000-08:00

Here are the photographs for February's writing challenge. My apologies for being a day late on getting these posted.

I've opted to omit the "Purpose" category for at least this month. I seem to have a heck of a time finding a picture that carries this theme well, and I also figured we are all pretty good at determining where we want our respective stories to go without this one prompt. Please let me know your thoughts about this decision in the comment section.

If you would like the details for this writing challenge please click here. The simplified version is as follows: Take a look at the pictures, interpret them and then write a story based on what you see and/or feel. (Remember, you don't have to use the picture verbatim, the emotion it elicits can be your inspiration as well)

~~~

Photo Credits: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike License
(From Flickr.com/creative commons, unless otherwise noted)

Main Character- Jeff Epp
Backdrop- Old Shoe Woman
Item- cameronconner
Wild Card #1- Vermin Inc
Wild Card #2- ekpallerson
Wild card #3- marblegravy

~~~

If you would like to include the pictures in your story without the graphic, here they are by themselves.

The posting dates for this writing challenge will be February 16-19

Looking forward to another great bunch of stories.

Happy writing.

Pictures???

2009-01-23T20:32:00.000-08:00

If you've come by looking for next month's Portrait of Words photographs they're not quite ready yet. I thought I was going to have time to do that this week, but my buddy Cole called with a work project he needed an extra set of hands on. This was right on time too, because work has been pretty scarce the past month. We always expect that to happen this time of year, but it's never fun when it actually does.

Anyway, I've been pretty tired by the time evening rolls around and haven't quite got the photos put into the graphics to display. Don't know if I'll get to them before this evening is over, but by tomorrow they will definitely be ready and posted.

After that I might even have a chance to catch up on your blogs too. I've skimmed a few posts the last couple of days, although I haven't been commenting much.

They're talking about the slight possibility of snow on Sunday. I kind of laughed, because on the news cast I watched tonight, the anchor woman more less called the weatherman "pond scum" for even mentioning it. The poor guy was just giving the forecast and he practically got shot for it.

Okay, that's it for now.

Portrait of Words #5

2009-01-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

Hello all and welcome to the fifth installment of the Portrait of Words writing challenge. This month's photographic prompts were provided by Dr John of Dr John's Fortress. At first I thanked him for taking the time to forward these shots from his own library to me, then I began to curse him as I starred at them for nearly three weeks waiting for a story to present itself to me with no results. Now obviously John had nothing to do with my inability to formulate words onto a page, but hey, it was easier than blaming myself right?

Well, finally the other day an idea came to me and I was able to put this together. So good, bad or otherwise here goes:

FYI - You may want to grab your favorite beverage before starting in on my story this month. It's a bit loooooong.

~~~

"Time To Go Home"

"Hey boss, what do you make of this?"

The freckle faced rookie crime scene investigator was holding up a whitewashed leather bound book of some sort. The bold lettering with a distinctively different style of writing stood out in stark contrast to the light colored cover it was embossed on. It caught my attention too, but more so for the fact that the hands holding it were not inside a pair of gloves.

"Put that down you moron!" I shouted back, "Didn't you learn anything from your training?"

I still couldn't believe they'd sent this snot nosed little boy to be part of my 'investigation team' as they so eloquently termed it. Hell, before junior showed up two weeks earlier, there was no team. It was just me, like it had been for the past eighteen years. I'd much preferred it would have stayed that way too, but when it was the mayor's son Arnold we were talking about, I didn't seem to have much say in the matter. He'd finished up school out west and couldn't land a job anywhere so now I was the one who got stuck with him. Of course the city counsel played it off as, "Obtaining a valuable resource that would benefit the entire community at a minimal expenditure." What a load of crap! As far as I was concerned, even an educated idiot was still just that. . . an idiot, and now he was mine to deal with. The whole thing made me feel like that old song from the Hee-Haw TV show where they'd sing, "If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all. Gloom, despair and agony on me. "

"Sorry boss, I'll put it down and just snap some photos."

"That's a fine idea boy, and before you touch anything else, put some gloves on would ya. One other thing, if you call me boss one more time, I'm going to rip you lips off! The name's Greg. It's the same one my mother gave me nearly fifty years ago and the only one I've ever gone by. I suggest you start using it."

I'd considered sending him to the next county over and offering the station captain in Reedsville a years salary out of my own pocket if he'd hire this kid and get him out of my hair, but Capt. Bragg was too good of a friend of mine to subject him to that type of abuse.

While Arnold got busy snapping photographs of the Jennings' garage, I went about the business of trying to figure out what had happened here. Nothing made sense though. This quiet little house at 11247 Hydrangea Ln was the last place I expected to be called out to. Down at Jake's Tavern sure, but not here. I figured the Jennings, Miriam and Walter that is, were probably the last two people in town who'd be caught up in any sort of trouble. Still, if I'd learned anything from nearly two decades in law enforcement, it was to never assume. . . anything!

I started sifting through the mess in front of me trying to take in the big picture before I narrowed my investigation down to the smaller details, but for some reason, my attention kept getting drawn in the direction of the book that moron boy had picked up a few moments earlier. Out of all the charred wood, shattered glass and other debris littering the room, it seemed to be the only thing unscathed by the blast. "Hmmm, blast." I contemplated that word in my mind, but wasn't sure if that was the right one for it. Still, I wondered what else could have caused this type of destruction.

I'd get back to the book in a bit, but for now I could see through the openings that were once windows of this stone and brick built garage, that the neighbors were already gathering around and were craning their necks to get a glimpse of what had happened inside this twenty by twenty room.

"Hey Arny, the little grunt hated it when I called him that, you got any of that fancy yellow crime scene tape out in your truck?" I called out.

"I got a brand new roll as a matter of fact boss." he replied.

Biting my tongue for yet again referring to me as boss, I said, "I thought you might. How's about you make yourself useful and stretch it around the property so we can keep everybody out of my. . . um. . . our hair."

With all the enthusiasm of a puppy going after a rawhide chew toy he announced, "I can do that boss!"

Under my breath I muttered, "Finally, something your qualified to do ya flippin' retard."

Once deputy dufus was out from under my feet I might actually be able to get some real police work done without fear of him trampling everything in sight. No sooner had I started back on my quest for evidence than I heard a knock on what remained of the smoldering door jamb behind me. I was just about to lay into Arnold for bugging me when I heard the unmistakable raspy growl of my long time friend and colleague, Tyler Garvey. "Evening Greg, is it clear for me to come in?"

"Howdy ya old coyote. Hell yes you can come in. It'd be nice to have someone with more than half a brain to lend an eyeball."

Knowing full well what I meant Tyler chuckled and said, "Ya, I saw your new partner outside puttin' up tape and directing traffic."

I walked over, grabbed his right hand, which was more like a grizzly bear's paw, and while giving him a firm handshake said, "If you weren't such a good friend of mine, I'd kick you right square in the balls for calling that pock faced runt my partner!"

His earlier chuckle had turned into a full belly laugh by now when he replied, "Don't forget, that's the mayor's son you're talking about."

"I'd just as soon have the mayor's dog given a choice. At least that old hound dog will sit and stay when you tell it to."

With a nod of agreement Tyler asked, "So what do you have here?"

"I wish I knew buddy, I really do. This is what I've got so far: Two hours ago old man Williams from across the street was tending to his roses out front of his place when he saw Miriam and Walter come outside carrying a suitcase and walking toward the garage. He asked them if they were going on a trip somewhere to which they replied, "Something like that." Without saying anything else they walked into the garage and shut the door behind them. Now you know as well as I do those two were always a little different, if you know what I mean, but even that response seemed a bit strange to Mr Williams. Well the next thing you know, he starts hearing a series of clicks and clunks coming from over here. Said it was the damnedest thing he'd ever heard. Sounded like a giant watch being wound was the best description he could come up with. He tried to dismiss it as just two oddball eccentrics out tinkering in their garage, but their earlier response to his question piqued his interest a bit more than usual. The other thing that didn't seem right was if they were going on a trip somewhere, why did they go into the garage and start banging around on stuff for a half hour instead of putting the suitcase in the car that was parked in the driveway and hitting the road?

About this time boy wonder made his way back inside. "Okay boss, I got the whole area roped off and everybody at least fifty feet back. You think I ought to start spraying this place down with Luminol or dusting for prints or maybe I could get my light and check for bodily fluids?"

"First of all genius, I seriously doubt anyone was raped in here, so you can keep your overpriced flashlight in your pants. Secondly, if there was blood in here don't you think it would be pretty obvious? It's not like someone came in and tried to wipe everything down before we got here. Finally, if you knew anything about these two it would be this: They never let anybody, and I mean anybody, step foot inside this garage. As you can clearly see, the windows are barred and they bricked over the roll-up door long ago, leaving the only way in or out, that small man door over there, and that they religiously kept padlocked shut when they weren't in here themselves. The only fingerprints you're going to find in here are theirs, or unless you want to count your own too."

"I was just thinking bos---"

"Don't say it! Don't you dare call me that you buck toothed midget! And please don't think. It hurts MY head when you do that. Tell you what, how's about you go back outside and interview all the neighbors within five houses of this place."

"If you say so bos--- Greg."

"I say so, now go on and see what you can find out and don't even think about talking to Missy Peterson. That sweet talkin' reporter is sure to be out there and the last thing I need is for you to say something stupid that I'm going to get blamed for later."

"Yes sir." he replied and was once again out of my hair.

As soon as Arnold walked back outside, Tyler piped up, "Damn Greg, that boy's dumber than a burnt stump isn't he?"

"Four years of college and six months in the police academy and I still don't think he could find the sharp end of a pencil. Now let's see, where was I? Oh ya, old man Williams. So with curiosity getting the better of him, he decides to go across the street to see what all the noise is about. As he gets closer he notices the door isn't completely shut all the way, so he peers through it to see what's going on inside. He told me he couldn't believe it, but those two crazy old coots were each sitting on top of one of those carousel horses on that miniature merry-go-round delee-bob they kept in here. He said he heard Walter ask Miriam if she was ready to go home now. After she said yes Walter started speaking in some sort of weird gibberish that Mr Williams had never heard before. Next thing you know, that contraption they were sitting on started turning around. It started slowly at first, but then it really started picking up steam he said. Within thirty seconds it was a blur, moving so fast you couldn't tell person from wooden horse. He stood there frozen, watching and wondering what the heck he was looking at. As he went to push the door open, a flash, bigger than any lightning he'd ever seen, filled the entire room and a gust of wind knocked him flat on his ass. The poor old fart can still just barely see out of his left eye as a matter of fact."

"So what happened to Walter and Miriam?" Tyler eagerly asked.

"That my friend is the sixty-four thousand dollar question. Far as I can tell they just up and vanished!"

The look in Tyler's eyes spoke volumes. I could tell he was sure the cheese had finally slipped off my cracker. "Come on Greg, you know as well as I do people don't just vanish into thin air,"

"Any other time and I'd agree with you one hundred percent. Today though, I just don't know. Look around, do you see any sign of them? There are no bodies except for you and me in this room. Hell, there isn't even any trace of a body. No blood, no guts, no nothing. All this despite the fact that Mr Williams clearly saw them in here just as what ever happened, happened."

"You sure old man Williams wasn't nipping at the vino a little early today Greg?" Tyler asked.

"Thought about that too," I replied, "but he swears straight up and down that wasn't the case. In fact I've already had another neighbor say they saw those two walk in here after Williams hollered across the street at them. No, I'm sure they were in here."

"What about those couple of windows?" Tyler offered, "Maybe they got blown out through one of them?"

"I considered that, but take a closer look at them. The metal bars are still attached on the outside, only the glass is missing. That would have been like passing them through a cheese grater. If that would have happened, there'd be little pieces of them everywhere. I looked, there aren't"

Tyler took the baseball cap off his nearly bald dome and scratched the back of his head where what little hair he had remained. "I gotta tell you, this is starting to sound more like an episode of the X-Files than any type of accident I've ever encountered. None of this makes any sense at all. There's got to be some sort of logical explanation to what happened in here."

We both started scanning the room again for something that would make heads or tails of our quandary when our eyes simultaneously locked on the leather bound book laying on the floor. Somehow we knew opening it would bring us the much needed answers we were seeking. What we didn't know is that it would create just as many questions in return.

I reached down and picked it up. Pointing to the writing on the cover I asked, "What do you make of this?"

"Good lord." I thought to myself. "That's exactly what that spit for brains kid asked me at the beginning of this whole ordeal. Might just as well put a bullet through my skull if I start taking like that idjit." I continued thinking.

Fortunately Tyler snapped me out of it when he replied, "Not sure, looks Greek to me. Open it up and let's have a look inside."

I wasn't sure if his "looks Greek" comment was sincere or not, or if he was just being a smart ass, but I opened it none the less. Immediately the smell of musty old forgotten about books wafted up into our nostrils. The pages were cracked and yellowed from what appeared to be one of the oldest books either of us had ever held before and with Tyler peering over my left shoulder we proceeded ever so carefully to pour through the pages one by one. There were countless diagrams of the carousel that once stood in this room along with numerous mathematical computations accompanying them. Throughout the margins there were also several notations indicating the importance of certain aspects of the drawings. What we were looking at seemed to be a building schematic and operating manual, but one much more complex than was necessary for something as relatively simple as a carousel. One other thing that stood out as we scanned over the plans was a series of small numbered and lettered wheels that appeared to form two separate and adjustable calendars.

From over my shoulder, Tyler asked, "So who needs a calendar while they're riding on a merry-go-round?"

"I've got a pretty good idea," I said, "but I'm certainly not ready to say it out loud just yet."

Turning over the next several pages in this strange book revealed something of a photographic journal through the ages. I could feel the blood drain from my face as the two of us viewed several dozen Polaroid pictures of some of the most unmistakable snippets in time from the past two thousand years. Strange as that may have seemed what was even more bizarre is that in every single instance, either Walter or Miriam was in the photograph!

Among the photos there was one of President Lincoln shaking hands with Walter in front of Ford Theater and another of Miriam along side of the first Queen Elizabeth! One by one we looked on with astonishment at these snapshots of history.

Tyler chimed in, "This has got to be some sort of computer generated, Photoshop style trick we're looking at here."

"There's just one problem with that theory," I returned, "These are all Polaroids, and the last time I checked, they get spit out directly by the camera, not a computer program. I don't know how you fake these, and to compound matters, I don't know how two people simply vanish."

Tyler had taken the book out of my shaking hands by this point. Turning to the last page and pointing, he said, "I think I've just found our answer."

There on the inside of the back cover was a photograph of an unassuming cobblestone street located in London, England. It appeared to be taken somewhere around the late eighteen hundreds. The caption underneath it simply said "Home".

~~~

Whew, did you make it to the end? If so thank you for taking the time to read it. Comments and constructive criticism are gladly accepted.

If you're participating in the challenge don't forget to sign in on Mr Linky below.

Dr John, I was teasing you earlier, but would like to sincerely thank you again for the photographs.

Check back this Friday for next month's writing prompts too.

Stories and Questions

2009-01-15T15:08:00.000-08:00

A quick reminder that this Monday, Jan 19 through Wednesday 21 is the posting window for this month's Portrait of Words writing challenge. After starring at the pictures for three weeks without any words finding their way onto paper, I was finally able to get out of the blocks and on the way.

Thank you inspiration fairies for nudging me. I was afraid I'd come up completely blank this time.

I've been doing some research to find a writing group in my area that I can get involved with. There's one called Willamette Writers that looks somewhat promising. My hope is to find some others to share stories and ideas with as well as constructive criticism. I would really like to take my humble little scribblings to another level.

This world of blogging is great for friendships and positive comments, but I wonder how often people will hold back on giving advise for fear that they won't get return readership from the person. Perhaps a disclaimer on each piece of writing stating that constructive critiques are welcome would be appropriate. I don't know.

Have any of you pondered how to approach this?

Maybe some of you have come across other sites where this is practiced and has been of benefit. If so, please point me in that direction.

I've also contemplated creating a separate blog just for the purpose of fiction writing. I could keep this one going for my silly-goofy side and have the other for developing and writing stories.

Ahhhh, what to do, what to do.

Input gladly accepted. . .

Organic

2009-01-11T15:10:00.000-08:00

If you haven't visited BJ Roan who writes on a blog she calls Serendipity, then I strongly encourage you to do so. When I say she is one darned talented writer, I'm just scratching the surface. When you have a chance go by and say hi, or better yet, sit a spell and take in a story or two.

BJ participates in a writing group that posts from a common word or expression once a week. I thought I'd finally give it a go this time around. The link to that site is at the bottom of this post.

Hope you enjoy.

~~~

"Good grief, a dollar forty-nine a pound!" With a detectable amount of agitation in her voice, Karen continued, "I can't believe how much a weekly trip to the supermarket costs anymore."

Even though the two women standing in front of the neatly displayed rows of organic vegetables had never met before, the second one knew Karen's words were intended for her ears. Obliging the invitation for a conversation, she offered up, "I know what you mean. It seems like everywhere you go these days the prices escalate faster than you can keep up with."

Karen, sensing she had gained an instant ally, nodded in agreement. "I remember not too long ago being able to fill this entire shopping cart with groceries, then hand the checker a hundred dollars and expect to get change back. Now it only takes a couple of bags to get to that point!"

The two ladies spent the next several minutes comparing notes on the prices of groceries, gasoline, trips to the orthodontist for their children's braces, and a host of other such household expenses. After exhausting their respective lists of immediate financial concerns, they decided it was time to get back to the task at hand, filling their carts with gold bouillon as they so eloquently described it.

Before parting, Karen extended her hand and said, "My name's Karen by the way."

The other woman shook her hand and replied, "Hello Karen By-the-way, nice to meet you. I'm Celia."

This garnered a good chuckle from both of them, and helped to lighten the air a bit. It also gave Karen cause to say, "Celia, thank you for listening to me. I really hope I didn't come off as sounding like a complainer. I'm not typically one to harp on the negative side of stuff, but it's been a tough month with the bills at home, and I guess I just needed someone to let it out with."

"Don't be silly," Celia quickly interjected. "I didn't get the impression that you were anything but a sweetheart from the get go, and I don't think there are many people out there that can't relate to having a rough stretch where money and bills are concerned. Lord knows my husband and I certainly endured enough of them when we were younger. Things eventually turned around for us, and they will for you too my dear, you'll see."

Karen fought back a tear as Celia's comforting words touched her heart. "I'm sure somehow they will. thank you."

The two women parted ways and went about their shopping, zig zagging up and back through the isles. They would occasionally pass by one another, and each time would exchange smiles or a pleasant comment. Eventually, they ended up at the far end of the store in front of the dairy case. Karen picked up two gallons of 2% reduced fat milk while Celia reached for a half gallon of organic whole milk.

Karen looked at Celia and said, "With as much of this stuff as we go through around our place, this is just one area where I can't seem to justify the difference between organic and regular."

Celia had too much passion to let this go with an easy 'I understand' type of response. "Karen, I'd like to be able to agree with you on this one, but I just can't. I've done too much research and read too many articles about the dangers of rbST hormones and other additives in dairy feed to make me choose anything else. I know you've already told me money is tight right now, but I'd really encourage you to do your homework before dismissing this purchase simply on the merits of cost."

Karen got a somewhat guilty look on her face, but insisted, "I'm sure what you're saying is probably true, but I'm afraid today's purchase has to be about dollars and cents. I really am being conservative with what I'm buying these days. That means no extras or unnecessary items that aren't on my list. That also means that with the things I do get, I have to be very conscientious of the price."

"I know dear, and I don't mean to preach. I just have very strong feelings on this particular issue." was Celia's response. "I've been pleading my case with the senior Mr Jacobs over the past several months to drop anything but organic dairy from the shelves, but so far it hasn't done any good."

"The senior Mr Jacobs?" Karen asked.

"Jacobs, as in Jacobson Market, where we're standing right now." explained Celia, "He's the founders son and current majority owner of the supermarket. His son Pat and Pat's wife have taken up much of the day to day operations of the business and will someday step in to take his place as the next owners. They seem to have some very progressive ideas about what to do with the store as well, but until then, the older Jacobs is the one who ultimately makes the decisions."

Celia wrapped it up by continuing with, "Well, perhaps that's enough of my soapbox moment. I should probably let you get going."

Karen looked Celia in the eyes and said, "Thank you for being so passionate about what you believe in. There aren't nearly enough people in the world who are willing to speak up for what they feel so strongly about, nor to do it in a way that is as easy to listen to as what you've just done. I do hope we'll bump into each other again here. It's been fun getting acquainted with you."

"Oh, I'm sure we will Karen. I'm in here pretty regularly. Take care." Celia made her way to the front of the store while Karen picked up the last few items on her list.

A few moments later Karen was standing at the check-out line herself. As she stood there waiting her turn, she saw her new found friend leaving through the front doors with a courtesy clerk in tow, pushing her cart of groceries out towards the parking lot. Another minute or two later and it was her turn. The checker began ringing up the groceries and Karen snickered a bit to herself as the register's display passed the one hundred dollar mark.

She had estimated the total would be around a hundred and fifty dollars, but was pleasantly surprised when the final number came up at just under one-thirty. What happened next just about knocked Karen off her feet though. When she handed the checker her debit card, the young woman standing behind the counter just smiled and said, "I'm happy to say that that won't be necessary."

"It what?" was all the astonished Karen could muster.

Still smiling, the checker said, "Mrs Jacobs has graciously picked up your shopping today."

At the same time she was saying this, another courtesy clerk had made his way to the check stand and placed two gallons of organic milk in her basket. The checker continued, "Oh, and she asked to be sure and give you these too."

As soon as she gained her composure, Karen darted to the front of the store to thank the woman who she'd struck up a conversation with in the produce section only a half hour earlier. The courtesy clerk that had taken Mrs Jacobs. . .er Celia's groceries out was already heading back inside. Karen quickly asked, "Excuse me, where's the woman you just helped out?"

"Oh, Mrs Jacobs?" he replied, pointing to a black Mercedes puling out of the parking lot "That's her leaving over there."

Karen stood there and watched as her generous friend raised a hand through the sunroof and waved as she drove off.

~~~

To find the Sunday Scribblings sight simply click on the name.

Slogans

2009-01-09T08:01:00.000-08:00

While driving around the other day I saw two vehicles along the road that caught my attention. The first was was one of those trucks with a large tank on the back used for sucking out the poop wells from work site porta-potties. (yuck!) The second was a hearse, and I think it's safe to say we all know what those are used for. Seeing these got me to thinking about possible slogans for their respective trades.

For the porta-potty or septic maintenance companies:

1) We go where you go
2) First it was yours. . . now it's our doodie
3) We don't mind taking crap from you
4) Boldly going where others have gone before
5) We love feces to pieces
6) Let us carry the load
7) Your business is our business
8) We go with the flow
9) We're #1 in the #2 business
10) You have a full house. . . We have a royal flush

As an added bonus, a theme song from Huey Lewis:

♫"We're takin' what you're givin' cause we're workin' for a livin' "♫

And. . . for the funeral home companies:

1) You're dying to get our services
2) We dig you
3) And you thought taxes were bad
4) It would be a grave mistake to go somewhere else
5) Two hands. . . six feet
6) Our business is a dying art
7) When you absolutely, positively have to get there overnight
8) We're eternally grateful for your business
9) Burying more than just the competition

Feel free to share any suggestions you have in the comments.

Back In Session

2009-01-05T21:23:00.000-08:00

Let it be written, let it be known, January 6, 2009 will go down in history as one of the fantastic days in our history.

Is the stock market making a full recovery? . . . No.

Will Democrats and Republicans set aside their partisan differences and work together for the greater good? . . . Not bloody likely.

Perhaps Christians, Jews, Muslims, et al., are going to live in peace with acceptance of each others beliefs or lack there of? . . . Ya, I didn't think so either.

No, this glorious event on the calendar marks the return of the school year! HALLELUJAH!!!

With the two week Christmas break and a few more days off because of the snow, the boys have been home for three straight weeks now. Due to the weather, a reasonable amount of that time has been indoors too.

I can honestly say I now know why some animals eat their young!

Okay, anyone who's been around here for a while knows how much I love my boys, so don't panic, they're both still alive and well, and God willing will continue to be so for many years to come, provided of course, a freak snow storm doesn't blow in overnight creating yet another school-free-day. Should that happen, then all bets are off and the feast will begin!

If you're a stay at home mom (or father) my hat's off to you. If you're a single parent and have managed to keep your sanity, you deserve a medal. If you have made the choice to home school your children so you can be with them every waking moment of your life, I have just one question for you. What the hell were you thinking?

I am thoroughly convinced that schools were not created merely for the education of our children, they were put in place to keep the homicide rates down!

♫"They've come to take me away, he he, who who, ha ha. . . "♫

Marley & Me - Good Stuff

2008-12-30T16:41:00.000-08:00

Read any good books or watched any good movies lately? I have, and in this instance they are one in the same. This past summer I saw on the table next to my mom's chair, a copy of the book "Marley & Me" by John Grogan. She said, "You should read it, it's really good." I don't think she could have been more right.

This isn't going to be a spoilers review, simply a recommendation, so feel free to read on.

In brief it's the story of a big, goofy yellow Labrador retriever and how through all his spastic behavior, finds a very special place in the hearts of the family that raises him. While I believe the book will appeal to a wide range of people, I have to say, if you currently do or ever have owned a dog, this is a must read!

A couple of months after I read the book it was announced that they were going to make it into a movie. Upon hearing this I was both excited and apprehensive. Excited because I enjoyed reading the book so much, I was really looking forward to seeing it played out on the big screen. Apprehensive because if was afraid Hollywood might butcher the novel like they seem so accustomed at doing.

Well, yesterday was the day to find out how they did. I honestly think they hit a home run this time around! Although there were some omissions and embellishments, I think they did a fantastic job of portraying Grogan's novel.

If you decide to go see the movie, and I hope you will, I must encourage you to bring some tissue and be prepared to use it! Don't worry though, there are plenty of laughs to be had as well.

Wishing you all a safe and happy new year!

Buy a Toy, Go to Jail . . . It's the Law!

2008-12-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

About two weeks or so before Christmas we were cruising through the mall when the boys spotted a toy store. Naturally they wanted to check it out. This particular store was not one of the year round types you generally see. No, this was a seasonal toy store. This should have been enough reason to avoid it all together, but the boys curiosity overrode my common sense and we went in anyway.

The first part of the store had several remote control vehicles on display and quite o few of them were being demoed by the handful of employees present. One item immediately captured the attention of Anthony, a small foam bodied RC helicopter. The guy flying it seemed to be having a ball as he ran it through its paces. Up, down, side to side it went, following each of the commands issued by the controller. Anthony really lit up as he took in the flight in front of him.

Now, before I continue, there's something you should know about Anthony and helicopters. He absolutely loves them, and has his heart set on flying one someday. So much so is this passion, that he saved and saved and saved his money last summer until he could afford to buy a very sophisticated flight simulator for the computer. After talking to one of our neighbors who has and flies RC helicopters and further talking with the local hobby stores, he was encouraged to first master the simulator and then move on to the real thing. With a starting price of around$200 for a decent, non-toy, chopper and repairs of $20-$30+ when it crashes, Anthony realized the wisdom behind their suggestions. Since purchasing the simulator he's logged in well over a hundred hours and can fly a virtual helicopter quite well now. He is currently saving his money once again for his first "real" chopper this spring/summer.

Okay, back to the original story. The toy he saw being demoed sure looked like fun. It was small, lightweight and best of all, could be flown indoors safely. This was something that held a particular value when you consider we're in the middle of the long, wet northwest rainy season. Another nice feature to the toy is that it had a price tag of only $34.⁹⁵ making it downright affordable. Heck, how could you go wrong?

I could see the gears turning inside Anthony's head as he was readying his big sales pitch, when I quickly suggested he consider putting this on his Christmas wish list. Rather than plead his case as to why we shouldn't leave the store without the prize in hand, he consented to do as I suggested. Personally, I think he knew that "Santa" would find it in his heart to bring the helicopter to him and as an added bonus, he would still have all the money he'd saved to put toward the real deal. Either that or he was just understanding and yielding to the wisdom of his dad. . . naaaaa, it was definitely the first one!

It all seemed to be working out quite nicely. Mom, (aka grandma to Anthony), was looking for one other thing to get for him and this was right in line with the budget. Perfect!

Fast forward to Christmas day. The great moment of unwrapping truth came and low and behold, there was a shinny new RC helicopter with Anthony's name on it. With a smile from ear to ear he eagerly removed it from its plastic packaging and went in search for the battery that it required. Thank goodness for a well stocked supply at moms house. With a pair of AA's in hand he opened the cover on the back of the controller to expose the battery slots. As he did this, part of the plastic hinge snapped, which meant once the batteries were installed, the cover would not be able to close. Something of an auspicious beginning we thought, but not the end of the world. A piece of tape would solve that little problem, and it did.

After a quick charge and a couple of adjustments to the controls, it was time for lift off. EUREKA it worked! Up and down it went as the ten year old pilot navigated it around the dining room nearly avoiding a crash landing into the pumpkin pie on the kitchen counter. Another couple of flights and he was buzzing his brothers head as the younger of the two flailed at it like Godzilla going after a Japanese zero. This would continue for what would become the very short life of this small propelled marvel. Less than two hours after opening the package, Anthony went to click the tiny blue on/off switch to the off position, and the danged thing sheared off, rendering the helicopter completely useless.

There sat a very dejected little boy. We fiddled with the thing for several minutes trying to figure out a way to make it work anyway, but there was no use, it was dead. He got the package it'd come in and carefully put it back so that we could return it the next day.

With receipt in hand we went back to the store and told them what had happened. The girl at the counter said, "Just a minute, I'll take it back to the technician to have him look at it." A moment later the "tech" (aka store manager) came out of the back room and said, "This thing has been abused, there's nothing I can do."

"What?!? abused? are you kidding me?" I replied.

This went on for the next several minutes while he told me that it had obviously been mistreated and he certainly wasn't going to exchange something that had been intentionally damaged. To say I was hot would be an understatement. Over and over again I told him how Anthony had done nothing other than try to operate the toy as normal and the cheap piece of crap had just broke. The more I argued, the more he dug in his heals and refused to budge. This is when my "Take no shit 101" training kicked into full gear. (thanks dad) I informed him that I was not going anywhere until he exchanged the toy or refunded my money. Our very heated debate continued and he finally said he would exchange it, but if I tried to bring it back again he would refuse to even talk to me, and there was no way in hell he would even consider another exchange!

This is when I, in no uncertain terms, told him exactly what I thought about his store policy and exactly where he could place his piece of crap helicopter! I also informed him that if he continued to give me any grief, that I would tell each and every one of his customers what a complete ass he was and how I had been treated. At this point he asked, "Do you want me to call security and have you arrested?"

"You want to have me arrested for telling the truth?" I replied, "You go right ahead and do that you @%*!$ " (Insert you favorite colorful metaphor here. I'm sure I used them all!) . At that point I turned around and proceeded to tell several of the customers in the store what they could expect if they bought anything and had a problem with it later. I then grabbed a replacement helicopter and informed him that I was taking it and leaving the original behind and if he wanted to call security he was more than welcome to do so. He grabbed a cell phone and started dialing as I walked out the door. It was obviously a bluff because no security guards came running after me.

Now, you want to know the real comical part of this whole thing is? The replacement helicopter didn't work either! Knowing I'd probably be serving time in Sing Sing for murder, Lisa took the second one back and was able to exchange it for some headphones and Matchbox cars.

I'm including a picture of the store front so that if you ever see it in your area you can avoid the unpleasantness of purchasing anything from it.

I currently have a call into the mall management office to tell them about my experience in hopes that they will take it into consideration for next year when these dirt bags try to set up shop again.

A Word In Edgewise

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