Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Made in the USA

With the recent acquisition of Budweiser the "American Larger", by Belgium/Brazilian based Inbev, it got me to thinking about the possible name combinations of this and other potential foreign and domestic partnerships.

1. In the case of Inbev, it also owns/produces the beer BECKS, so I'm thinking a logical name combining the two would be Beckweiser..."the sellout stout".

2. The now defunct IndyMac Bank could join forces with Swiss cheese makers and become Indy Mac N Cheese.

3. In an effort to stabilize the economy in Iraq and to enable the the women of that country to finally openly express their sexuality, Hollywood will lose its claim to the lingerie business when Frederick's of Baghdad opens its doors this winter. Look for full length head to toe covering black bustiers coming to a store near you soon.

4. Speaking of the middle east, the US will attempt to free itself form its dependency on overseas oil by partnering with our neighbors to the south. The next time you go to fill up, keep your eyes open for Mexxon.

5. As part of the trickle down effect even the nation's farmers will find the need to outsource. Vegetables will now be picked fresh and then shipped to the Mediterranean where the new Del Monte Carlo will can them. Unfortunately a 10 oz. can of green beans will now cost approximately $278.00

6. In order to stay competitive with the far east in retail electronics, Americans will now have to shop at Budapest Buy for their new computers and video games. This will undoubtedly leave consumers Hungary for more selection.

7. The Dollar store will be taken over by the European Union and will be renamed the Euro Store. Americans will no longer be allowed to use good old fashioned greenbacks to make their purchases. Instead they will have to convert their currency to the Euro. The exchange rate against the weak dollar will unfortunately make it impossible for the average person to afford anything in the store.

8. The British will finally get a some pay back for that little tea party America threw a couple hundred years ago when it takes over the fast food industry by combining all the the current chains into the new conglomerate to be called Burger Queen of England. Every item available will now come complete with a side order of Imperial Tax.

9. Realizing that this global takeover of previously American held companies will lead to extremely large unemployment rates, resulting in the increased number of homeless, the White House will revamp the nation's leading home improvement store into a new social program known as The Homeless Depot. The shelves that used to be lined with power tools and lumber, will now be stocked with shopping carts and cardboard. Sign making workshops will be held at freeway off ramps at each location during the morning and evening commutes.

Feel free to share any others I may have overlooked.


Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Lordy be. Bwahahahahahaha. Hey, it could happen. Bwahahahahahahaha. Have a great day. :)

Jay said...

Ha! That was hilarious dude! Well done.

In fact, I'm so inspired that I'm waving my little hand held American flag that was made in China. ;-)

Jeff B said...

Sandee- That's the really scary part.

Jay- Ah yes, the red, white and blue, with the emphasis on "red".

mjgolch said...

Made in America,maybe ownd by americans, definately NOT! forien countries and business have OWN america for a long time it started in the sixities and now there is very little that is owned by US companies and American owners. Budwiser is just the newest one. even ouw buildings are owned by other governments and countries!

W are getting taken to the cleaners and OUR own Governmet is allowing it. It atarted with the "fair trade" agreement. there has benn nothing fair about it. we are expected to by ptoducts made in other countries,and those countruies only want our money not any thing made in America!
All of the enemies of world war two are getting the last laugh. they are doing to us economically what they could not do with their military. Bring us to our knees.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Mike has left the soapbox for the next person to weigh in.

Hammer said...

Good stuff!

Kimmie said...

Oh my, you are one witty guy Jeff. How the heck do you come up with this funny/buy scary stuff?

Jeff B said...

MJ- Soap boxes are perfectly alright here. We see short term gains, but very often forget about or simply disregard the long term effects. Government and corporations are not the only ones guilty by any means. i.e. credit card debt is eating up our ability to prosper.

Thanks for weighing in.

Hammer- Thanks man.

Kimmie- Lisa askes that question of me almost daily.

Desert Songbird said...

You are one twisted puppy, my friend. I love it. *grin*

Travis said...

Well I can't think of anything else. But I'm glad that in your brave new corporate world I can still get a cup of Mac & Cheese!

buffalodickdy said...

Nicely done! Your writing was seriously inspired today! And that hint of truth... That's how I like my facts presented- with a little bittersweet truth and humor...

Odat said...

I just wish I had your imagination and writing ability!
You are good!!


Jeff B said...

Songbird- Woof, Woof...thanks

Travis- At least they can't take away our taste buds.

Buffalo- Bittersweer, kind of like Belgium chocolate.

Odat- Just silly stuff that comes to mind sometimes, thanks.

Akelamalu said...

That sounds like a prophecy Jeff!

Funny but could happen!

Bond said...

Funny stuff Jeff....

Does this mean we can stop seeing commercials with Augustus Busch LXII telling us how the family takes pride in making the great American Lager?

Ron said...

HOLY SHIT JEFF...you freaking KILL me with your HUMOR!!!

Damn...you're funny!

Ok...3,& 5 are my favs.

And 9????

Is probably the TRUTH!

Great post, BUD!

(get it?? BUD?)

Later gator!

Matt-Man said...

I heard that Alfred E. Newman now works for MADagascar Magazine. Cheers Jeff!!

Jeff B said...

Akelamalu- And for my next trick, I'll attempt walking on water. Oh wait, that bit has already been done.

Bond- BAM!! I was waiting for one of theose sappy commercials to come on last night during the World Series. Lots of Beckweiser ones, but fortunately they omitted that one.

Ron- I was sure you'd have gone for the Euro Store one after your post a while back. Nice Bud reference too!

Matt- Nice! I knew I could count on you to come through with one.

Rhea said...

Those are hilarious, witty word combinations. Love it. Gave me some great laughs.

Starrlight said...

#6 was a groaner in a good way :P

nitebyrd said...

I applaud you for finding humor in a pathetic situation. It's really better to laugh than cry, I think.

I'm always wondering what the United States will be called once the government has sold out totally to an overseas conglomerate.

Sandi McBride said...

I have laughed at this...you are too funny and have too much time on your hands...I demand that you post a recipe or something to bring us back down to earth...I did hear you were a great cook...in fact I think I heard it from you...

leelee said...

LOL..those are great Jeff....soooooooooo funny (and sadly with a ring of truth)

great stuff..


Jeff B said...

Rhea- Always glad to provide a chuckle.

Starlight- I couldn't help myself.

Nitebyrd- I think we'll still be the USA, but it will stand for United Slaves of Appathy.

Sandi- I will take that under advisement.

Leelee- Sometimes fact and fiction walk a fine line don't they?

Jahooni said...

Just getting back into the swing of things and you were my second blog. Great post. Funny. I miss funny. great job and hey, wait a minute, I freakin LOVE the DOLLAR TREE! I only have Franklin on my bills. Oh shoot, is Franklin on a $1.00?? ;)~

Jeff B said...

Jahooni- Hey, great to see you again. It's been a while. Actually you'll have to adjust where the decimal point is for Franklin. Washington is on the $1.00 Of course a hundred only seems to buy a dollars worth these day anyway.