Thursday, October 30, 2008

For My Brother

Thought I'd write the first part of a story in honor of my brother Gene. You may want to get a tissue, this may bring out some emotions in some of you...

Part 1
"Leaving Home"

A decree was written and delivered throughout the land.

"Hear Ye, Hear Ye. By proclamation of his royal highness the King of Odoriferous, all males in the kingdom over the age of 14 years are hereby summoned to the service of the royal army of the land and are to report to duty at first light."

Now Gene, a retched little peasant with a severely deformed face, was to say the least, anxious about marching to the appointed destination and starting his new life. Well, at least he would have one more night with his beloved mother to comfort him.

Upon returning home she announced, "Early to bed, early to rise Gene me boy!"

His mother, a once beautiful maiden, that is until raising Gene took its toll, and who had unfortunately transformed into a mere shell of her former self, could hardly wait for the first sign of the coming dawn. She would now be rid of this life-sucking, puss-oozing, hemorrhoid of a lad that the villagers insisted in calling her son.

She reflected back to that fateful night when her hamlet had been overrun by the blood thirsty marauders from the Shire of the Stench. The leader of this band of mongrels, Sir Osis of Liver, was the one who'd taken away the purity of who would later become known as Gene's mother. In an instant, her hopes and dreams of being wed to her Prince Charming were dashed. She would instead be cast into a life of raising little Gene. . . until now that is.

When she caught word of the decree it was as if a weight, much like that of a rotting corpse, had been lifted from her shoulders. In a few short hours her little bundle of joy?? would be marching out of the door and if Ala was willing, for the last time.

She hardly slept a wink that night. Instead, she lay there praying, nigh, willing the dawn to somehow come earlier this day. The long hours of night seemed to pass painfully slow however and at one point she even went outside and tried to get the rooster to crow in hopes that her sleeping boy would rise a bit earlier. It was of no use though, she would simply have to tough out these last few hours.

Just when she had given up all hope that the sun would ever rise again, a single beam of light shown through the tree tops outside. Like a flash Gene's mom rousted him from his straw bed and guided him toward the door. "Nothing like a brisk walk to start your day honey. . . Don't let the door bump you on the way out. . . And don't worry about writing, I'll be fine." she assured him.

Still wiping the sleep from his eyes, Gene stumbled out into the dawn. As he made his way down the pathway, he noticed several mothers in tearful embraces with their sons. He quickly thought to himself, "I didn't give mom a goodbye hug. She's probably devastated!" With a tear welling up in his good eye, he turned and raced back toward the ramshackle shack they lived in. Upon reaching the door, he pushed on it, but soon realized that it had been bolted shut from inside. Pressing his ear to the door he could hear his mother inside. It sure sounded like laughter, but he knew better. "She must be sobbing uncontrollably." he thought, "Ya, that's it."

He pounded on the locked door and for a moment the noise inside calmed, and then it continued at an even louder level than before. Figuring she was too distraught to see him again, he turned and headed back down the path, ready to face his new quest.

"Funny," he thought, "That sure sounds like music and dancing coming from my house. . . naaaaaaay."


I don't have anything on the books for part two yet, but I'm sure something will come to mind in the near future.


Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I take it you are moms favorite. Poor Gene. You certainly give him a hard time. Bwhahahahaha. Very well done. I would love to know Gene's reaction though. Have a great day. :)

Jeff B said...

Sandee- I'm pretty sure there will be a roasting in my future.

Jeni said...

Too funny, Jeff! I'm waiting to see what Psycho Mom says about this, as well as Gene!

katherine. said...

I'm with jeni....waiting on Psycho Mom and her first born....

Mike Golch said...

make sure you wear a flack suit when you are around them.

Mel said...

Happy Happy HALLOWEEN!!!!

I'm sure he's REALLY just goin' trick or treating.



buffalodick said...

Paybacks are Heck..Heck I tell ya!

Dr.John said...

Does your brother love you this much?

Jeff B said...

Jeni- It should be interesting to say the least.

Katherine- Probably cooking up a story right now.

Mike- Yep, Kevlar is my new suit of choice.

Mel- That could be...and no costume required!

Buffalo- Tell me about it!

Dr John- Maybe even more. I'm sure we'll see in one his future posts.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Oh yay! I'm glad to hear Gene's writing again. I've missed him.

And you, for that matter. :)

Waiting on the next chapter. I just love your stories.

Where IS Psycho Mom anyway?

Ron said...

HOLY SHIT, Jeff!!!


You are SOOOOOOO damn funny!

This was BRILLIANT, bud!


OMG...I can't WAIT to hear the continuation.


Thanks for sharing.


Ron said...

And P.S.....BOO!

Bond said...


brotherly love...yes it lives strong in your family


Jeff B said...

Real LL- I'm glad to see him pick up the blog again too. He'd the one who inspired me to start mine, so it's nice to have him back in the saddle.

Ron- Thanks. I might wait to see what Gene comes up with before I continue. We'll see, although I already have a couple of ideas in my head.

Bond- Yep, you called it right. If we were being sappy sweet and nice to each other, the you'd know something was up.

BeachysCapeCodCupboard said...

Thank you for visiting my blog today via David! =)

What a story!!! Oh how I teased my younger brother (my only sibling) when we were growing up! We laugh about it now, so my teasing couldn't have been too bad!

Anndi said...

Since I don't have a brother I have to find brotherly figures to tease... apparently mentionning bananas usually works.

Dianne said...

Sir Osis of Liver !!!!


I love you and your brother and your lovely "banter"

Be careful though - I saw pics on his site - he kills little duckies!!

Jeff B said...

Beachy- Guess what? I am the little brother, and yes I always got teased. Of course I never deserved any of it either!

Anndi- Now listen up banana girl...

Hey, you don't have any brothers and I don't have any sisters, so whatdaya say we just adopt each other for good measure?

Dianne- He may walk softly, but he carries a big shot gun! is what you're saying. And ya, it's a regular snark fest at the holidays when all three of us are together along with mom.

Travis said...

This could be interesting. We could have dueling stories starting up here.

I'll be keeping an eye on this situation.

Anndi said...

My brother Jeff... sounds good!

My older brother Jeff... ven better!!


Gene Bach said...

Hmm, psycho mom alerted me to this travesty of writing last night. OK dear brother,

it's on!

Raven said...

I read your brother's rebuttal too. You are a funny pair. Nice to have such a lovingly abusive relationship.

Jeff B said...

Travis- I think I may have woken the sleeping giant.

Anndi- My baby sis...OK, I can live with that.

Gene- I can hardly wait to see what the creative juices produce.

Raven- It's all from the heart too.


jennifer said...

Oh my. This is what I was looking for and it was worse than I thought. :) You are surely gonna get it.

For the record, since your brother posted the picture of himself the other day hunting? ... and since he is obviously quite handsome? ... your credibility is wrecked.

Have a great week Jeff.

Jeff B said...

Jennifer- You may want to make an appointment with the optometrist.


and I think you're right. Gene is sure to cook up a lu-lu about me.

Sandi McBride said...

I can here Gene now.."Mom always liked you best..." lol
sorry, I mean boo hoo hoo...pass the kleenex!
you are a vile brother, Jeff
"shaking head in disbelief that Gene has not yet killed Jeff"

Jeff B said...

Sandi- I think he's sharpening his axe as we speak!