Friday, January 9, 2009


While driving around the other day I saw two vehicles along the road that caught my attention. The first was was one of those trucks with a large tank on the back used for sucking out the poop wells from work site porta-potties. (yuck!) The second was a hearse, and I think it's safe to say we all know what those are used for. Seeing these got me to thinking about possible slogans for their respective trades.

For the porta-potty or septic maintenance companies:

1) We go where you go
2) First it was yours. . . now it's our doodie
3) We don't mind taking crap from you
4) Boldly going where others have gone before
5) We love feces to pieces
6) Let us carry the load
7) Your business is our business
8) We go with the flow
9) We're #1 in the #2 business
10) You have a full house. . . We have a royal flush

As an added bonus, a theme song from Huey Lewis:

♫"We're takin' what you're givin' cause we're workin' for a livin' "♫

And. . . for the funeral home companies:

1) You're dying to get our services
2) We dig you
3) And you thought taxes were bad
4) It would be a grave mistake to go somewhere else
5) Two hands. . . six feet
6) Our business is a dying art
7) When you absolutely, positively have to get there overnight
8) We're eternally grateful for your business
9) Burying more than just the competition

Feel free to share any suggestions you have in the comments.


Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I love the porta-potty or septic maintenance companie ones, but the funeral home ones kind of freak me out.

Have a terrific day and weekend. :)

Jay said...

Ha! Great stuff!

You should get a job with an advertising agency dude.

Akelamalu said...

OMG Jeff, those are sooooo funny!

Akelamalu said...

OMG Jeff, those are sooooo funny!

Anndi said...

You are a very disturbed man...

They say bananas are good to keep you from getting the runs.


Desert Songbird said...

You are one twisted puppy.

Me likey!

Finding Pam said...

Those are really funny! Now we get an insight as to what goes on in that mind of yours! Seriously, Don't quit your daytime

Jeff B said...

Sandee- Maybe I should have waited for the end of October for those.

Jay- If i could get paid for writing this stuff, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Akelamalu- Glad you liked them.

Anndi- Especially if they are placed just so. Bwahahahaha

Songbird- I resemble that remark!

Pam- I'm crushed. . . Okay, I'm over it.

Anndi said...

So that's why your bananas have brown spots.

Dana said...

I'm telling you Jeff, there is NO.WAY. that I would even attempt to follow on your heels! Priceless!

Sandi McBride said...

Time that last trip. The meter's running!
Too funny are one disturbed fella. Proud to know you!

Jeff B said...

Anndi- You're killing me!


Dana- Ah, I know there's a creative streak running through you as well.

Sandi- Warped is as warped does! Thanks

Jay said...

I love no. 3 on the poop disposal! ROFL!

I actually have a friend who works for one of those companies, dealing with domestic septic tanks. They suck out some pretty famous poop, but I'm not telling whose. ;)

Dianne said...

do you ever scare yourself with your own thoughts lol

love these

Ron said...


10) You have a full house. . . We have a royal flush


6) Our business is a dying art


Thanks for the great laugh, buddy!

Ok, I have to go now, because a good friend of mine has planned a super POTTY!


Enjoy you're weekend!

Later gator

BJ Roan said...

Thank you for the very nice comment over on Serendipity. You had me in tears. But then I came over here to read about nasty gross stuff. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. You are brilliant, in a nutty kind of way. Talk about mood swings!

Starrlight said...

Oh those were great! My dad used to get a kick out a particular porta-pooper company they used at the job sites in Eugene.


Seriously that is just wrong!

Kelly H-Y said...

I think you may have missed your true calling in advertising and marketing! :-)

Travis said...

You and Anndi have us rolling!

david mcmahon said...

If I ever became an undertaker, I'd called my business ...

His And Hearse

Jeff B said...

Jay- It's all the same in the END. hehehe

Dianne- I'm usually ok, but Lisa is constantly shaking her head.

Ron- Thanks ya nut.

BJ- Just think of is as full service blogging.

Starrlight- That company is still going strong. I crack up every time I see one of their trucks or crappers.

Kelly- And all of this without a college degree! bwahahaha

Travis- We aim to please.

David- Ha, I like it!

Starrlight said...

My dad had one of their cups. He drank coffee out of it. He is one sick dude.

Mel said...


Just what I needed on a frosty, icy morning.....

maryt/theteach said...

Jeff, really, really clever! You have me hysterical! Thanks for taking the time to work these sayings out! :)

Mike Golch said...

Not bad Jeff,a little off the wall,but I can diug it.

nitebyrd said...

Jeff, you are freakin' brilliant! Every single one is a gem.

CrystalChick said...

Had one too many days off during the holidays???? LOL
Pretty funny stuff.

Jeff B said...

Starrlight- I like your dad!

Mel- Warm chuckles for a chilly day.

Mary- Glad they brought a smile to your face.

Mike- What can I say,I just gotta be me.

Nitebyrd- Thanks, I even managed to crack myself up on a couple too.

CrystalChick- Absolutely! I need work for soooo many different reasons.

katherine. said...

like the others I am actually laughing out loud...

and again thinking psycho mom is a saint...just reading two of you!

jennifer said...

The funniest thing that I saw lately was a car with a woman driving it that said "Oral Arts" on the side of it in BIG letters. Then in teeny tiny microscopic letters written pale beige on white it said "dentistry". I nearly wrecked laughing.

Jules~ said...

oh my goodness Jeff, how do you come up with these? It is all too funny. It makes me think of that burial service lottery letter you wife received last year.