Saturday, December 19, 2009

"Oh Ficus Tree, Oh Ficus Tree..."

Everybody, sing with me: "Oh ficus tree, oh ficus tree..."
See # 10 for an explanation

I've seen various versions of this Christmas meme at one place or another. I decided to go ala carte and combine the questions I wanted to use, adding and omitting as I went.

Where Ive seen likenesses of this: Rubbish by Roan, Thom's Place 4 Well Whatever and Dr John's. Excuse me if I overlooked anyone.

(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
"The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" the cartoon version with Boris Karloff's voice. I love when the Grinch puts the "horn" on the dog and he tips face forward into the snow because of the weight.

(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
"The Sound of Music" OK, I know that's not necessarily a Christmas movie, but it does seem to make it onto the TV lineup this time of year. ICK, ICK, ICK

(3) What is your favorite Christmas song?
"White Christmas" cause it gives me an opportunity to break out my best Bing Crosby voice and sing along with it. Ya, it drives my wife absolutely nuts when I do that too.

(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
Any and all of them when they are played between Dec 26 and the following Thanksgiving.

(5) Eggnog or hot chocolate?
Considering that eggnog is like drinking liquid snot, I'd have to say hot chocolate.

(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Waking up, looking outside to the driveway and seeing a big red bow on a brand new car. . . Oh wait, you meant one of my memories.

(7) Have you ever re gifted a present?
No, never. . . but this year's not over yet.

(8) Candy canes, Like 'em or not?
Hanging on a tree I can handle. Eating them?.. Not so much.

(9) Do you ever buy, wrap and put a present for yourself under the tree?
I respectfully request to take the fifth amendment please.

(10) Real tree or artificial?
We live in Oregon which leads the nation in Christmas tree exportation. Trees here are cheap and easy come by. There are U-cut farms everywhere around here, and the boys enjoy going out and murdering a tree every year. This year however, we're going out of town for Christmas so there is a nice ficus in the corner of the living room that is acting as a surrogate (See the picture at the begining of this post).

(11) What tops your Christmas tree?
We have a funky star like thingy that sits up top. Growing up it was an angel. We would always laugh about that poor little angel sitting up there with a tree shoved up her backside.

(12) What is your favorite holiday dish?
Lisa when she comes to bed wearing nothing but a Santa hat. :)

(13) Do you hang mistletoe?
Yes, from the belt loop on the back of my blue jeans.

(14) Christmas lights - colored or all white?
It used to be all white, but ever since affirmative action we've gone to colored ones.

(15) Santa at the mall - Fun times or creepy?
There was one year when Matthew was a wee little guy when Santa scared the bejeebers out of him. Now though, we all look forward to our annual trip to downtown Portland to go see him. We make a day out of it hopping on the train and going there.

(16) Christmas cards - do you send them?
I think about doing it some years and then laziness takes over and it doesn't happen.

(17) Is Christmas your favorite holiday?
Not by a far stretch. Thanksgiving is number one for me. It's all about being with family and nothing about the commercialism aspect that Christmas can have overshadowing it.

(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
The utter chaos that happens in and around shopping areas. As I was walking toward the entrance of Target today, I darned near got run over by some retard trying to get a spot up front.

(19) When do you put decorations up?
Sometime after Thanksgiving, during that two hour window when it isn't raining outside.

(20) Out of the twelve days of Christmas, which item(s) would you want to receive?
Eight maids a milking... Hello!

(21) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
Homemade fudge and/or divinity

(22) What would make you happy at Christmastime this year?
Safe travel to and from California


Thom said...

ROLFMAO!! Eggnog like liquid snot...that is just too funny. 12 must be wonderful :) Excellent Christmas tree my friend. Have a wonderful Sudnay :)

Sandee said...

Eggnog is worse than liquid snot. I can't stand that stuff. I think everyone's going to comment on your assessment of eggnog.

Have a terrific day and a very safe trip to California and then back home. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours. :)

quilly said...

Your response to eggnog made me laugh out loud and then I had to explain myself to the other person in the room. Yours is the best version I have seen of this yet, but don't tell anybody I said so!

Ron said...

(13) Do you hang mistletoe?
Yes, from the belt loop on the back of my blue jeans



OMG...that one made me laugh so hard, I tooted!

ALL of these are faaaaabulous!

Hey, and I have to tell ya...while living in Florida I also used my ficus tree as a Christmas tree SEVERAL years. It actually looked kinda cool!

GREAT post, buddy!


BJ Roan said...

This post confirms it. You are insane! lol I agree with Quilly. Hubby's eggnog doesn't feel at all like drinking liquid snot..or maybe it has so much alcohol in it, I don't care. :)

Jeff B said...

Thom- It has a certain amount of character doesn't it?

Sandee- Lisa love that nasty slimy stuff. She really gets a kick out of seeing me squirm when she has a glass of it.

Quilly- I won't mention a word of it to THOM!!!

Ron- When I can make someone break wind from reading a post, I know my work here is done!

BJ- I resemble that remark!

I'm pretty sure it's the brandy in the eggnog, 'cause without that, blech!

Thom said...

I had to come back and tell you we ran out of Christmas trees here on Oahu this year...can you you think anyone thought to use a ficus...or even a palm LOL :)

Jeff B said...

Thom- OK, you've got one year to start the marketing campaign and start growing ficus. They'll be all the new rage. The new and improved Hawaiian Christmas tree!

You'd be amazed at how many trees are left over around here. They practically give them away by Christmas eve. Seems like such a shame, especially when you tell me the island has run out.

Matt-Man said...

Eight Maids a Milking...Damn right. Have a safe trip to Kal-Lee-For-Nee-Uh. Cheers Jeff!!

Jeff B said...

Matt- I'll be sure to say hi to the Gov if I run into him.

buffalodick said...

Egg Nog and Fruitcakes take the annual bashing!

Dianne said...

you're going to CA!!! oh wow, I'm so happy for you
have a great time

I love your ficus - that's not too personal is it?

and your answers made me laugh

liquid snot - hah!!
affirmative action for colored lights - priceless

and you told Siren I was nuts?

Akelamalu said...

I argree with you on the eggnog thing! #12 made me laugh. :)

Jeff B said...

Buffalo- You know, there's a good reason why those two item get so much abuse every year.

Dianne- Why, thank you for noticing my ficus. :)

Akelamalu- This one was a lot of fun to do. I highly recommend it.

BJ Roan said...

In case I don't make it around again before the day, Merry Christmas to you and your family. BJ

Bond said...

I am sure Lisa is thrilled with #12

Jeff B said...

BJ- Thank you, and a very Merry Christmas to you as well.

Bond- Not nearly as much as I am!

nitebyrd said...

(14) Christmas lights - colored or all white?
It used to be all white, but ever since affirmative action we've gone to colored ones.

This caused me to shoot tea out of my nose. Jeff, most all your responses are funny but that one killed!

Mel said...


I don't know which one made me laugh the most.
I do know I was smarter than some and put the coffee cup down before reading!

Jeff B said...

Nitebyrd- The visual of tea shooting out your nose is reward enough for me for my efforts. hehehe

Mel- Ha, you've been here before haven't you?

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