Monday, February 11, 2008


I'm thinking about creating a new line of greeting cards. I offer the following as some possibilities:

Congratulations on your promotion
Nobody kisses up like you

Happy Fathers Day
The DNA test confirms it

Graduation day is finally here
Time to start repaying your student loans

Happy retirement
We thought you’d never leave

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby
Hope it isn’t as ugly as the last one

Happy Columbus Day
I’ve discovered you suck

Congratulations on your first home
Your mom and I don’t look at it like losing a son
We look at it like gaining a bedroom

Sorry to hear about your erectile dysfunction
Your wife says hi


Dana said...

You definately have some untapped talent Jeff! Now how about developing a web site where I can send these as annonymous e-cards!

Matt-Man said...

I'll have to think of some of my own.

Your Columbus Day card is a thing of sheer beauty. Cheers!!

buffalodickdy said...

Good stuff! Greeting cards could use a new edginess...

Bond said...

Now Hallmark needs to come up with an entire new division

"Cards That Tell It Like It Is"

Leighann said...

Wow, those are fantastic! I love your sense of humor!

"Your wife says hi" is classic!

Sherry said...

These are great.
We need more cards like these!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Works for me. Some of these I could use now and some while I was still working. Bwahahahahaha. Your sense of humor cracks me up. Have a great day. :)

~Deb said...

I gotta come up with my own! These are priceless!

Anndi said...

ok.. I totally spewed my tea whil reading the last one... LOL

Mel said...

*choking on coffee*

Please place disclaimers at the top of posts like this? LOL I coulda hurt myself......


Ron said...

Ok, Jeff...if you don't do something with your awesome WIT...your NUTS!

BRAVO on these, buddy!

The Columbus Day card made me fart!

When you care to send the very best....

Jeff B said...

Dana- I have a feeling that web site would get a lot of traffic.

Matt- I'm sure you can come up with some good ones too.

Buffalo- Nothing plain and boring here.

Bond- "When you could give a rip less about sending the very best."

Leighann- My wife just rolled her eyes when I read that one to her.

Sherry- I have a feeling this won't be my last offering of these.

Sandee- Who needs more warm and fuzy cards when these can speak to the heart of the matter.

Deb- Please share any creations you have.

Anndi- "tea spewing"...I've done my job.

Mel- Sounds like there are some messy keyboards out there today.

Jeff B said...

Ron- Missed your comment while I was responding to the others.

My humor causes gas? ...alright, what the heck, I'll take that as a compliment.


Amazing Gracie said...

Anything that isn't in iambic pentameter is refreshing!
Love the humor!

David / authorblog said...

Hallmark just called, jeff. They want to offer you the CEO's job!!

Odat said...

Love the last one!
The rest are great too....Thanks for the laughs!

Kerri said...

Oh My....I'm sure Hallmark is ready to snatch you up! These are hilarious!!

the teach said...

Jeff, these are hilarious! I don't know if the card companies will go for them though! Ha! Clever!

Hammer said...

I like the last one but I think they would all sell.

Annie said...

When I read your comment on my blog today, I knew you had the talent for twisted humor. And now, here, you've proved it again!

Jeff B said...

Gracie- These aren't cut from the mold for sure.

David- CEO has a nice ring to it.

Odat- Always glad to provide some chuckles.

Kerri- Thanks, just being silly.

Teach- They might not be for all audiences.

Hammer- That was my favorite too.

Annie- Who me? Twisted? Why thank you.

Anndi said...

Happy Valentine's Day to one of the sweetest bloggers I know.


Desert Songbird said...

If my SIL still worked for American Greetings in product development, I would hook you up with her. Good ones, Jeff. You're a greeting card genius.

Jeff B said...

Anndi- Thank you darlin'.

Songbird- Just my inner goofball coming out. I'm sure I'll have another offering of these at some point.