Saturday, June 21, 2008

Wordzzle Wackiness

The Shtick: Raven of Views from the Ravens Nest compiles a list of random words each week for us to put together into a paragraph or short story.

The Purpose: To stimulate creativity in our writing, introduce a few new words into our vocabulary and perhaps most importantly, to have fun.

(this week's words)

Ten Word Challenge: solitaire, pathological, grackles, alternative life style, manifest destiny, polarization, ugly duckling, folding chairs, flibberty-gibbet, hand grenade

And for the Mini Challenge: marathon, the butler did it, curtain, hand cream, flatulence

***The Ten Word***
(with a slight twist on the usage of some of the words/phrases)

While setting up the room for the weekly Saturday afternoon solitaire tournament, Melvin, or Grackles as most people knew him, stumbled into a stack of folding chairs, sending them in every direction as if a hand grenade had just exploded. "Oh fliberty-gibbet!" he exclaimed, "I knew the reverse polarization of my pocket protector was going to throw me off balance today."

Becky-Sue came running over to see if the object of her secrete desire was ok. Getting up, Melvin struggled to regain his composure and tried desperately to manifest destiny into this awkward situation. Was it possible this strange way of meeting was somehow meant to be? He wondered if he was dreaming because it felt like being in a movie or perhaps some other alternative life.

Style and poise were never actions that came easy to him, but as he gazed into Becky-Sue's eyes, he somehow knew it didn't matter to her. What a sight to behold this was. The ugly duckling being smitten with the pathological nose picker.

***The Mini***
(alliteration style)

Working his hands together as if rubbing hand cream into them, the detective announced, "It's curtains for you mister!" MaGee, also known as the "Marathon Man", mourned the mess he'd made of his mundane life.

Then it happened, MaGee's midnight meal of meatballs and marinara got the best of him and he filled the interrogation room with the foul odor of his flatulence. Without breaking stride, (too late for the wind) MaGee mused, saying it wasn't he who had murdered Marium Morganstein, but it had been his man servant, none other than Mr. Murdock Manchester.

"My god MaGee, must you mess your shorts like that?" mocked the magistrate, "and don't for one moment think you're going to mislead me by making me believe the butler did it!"

***The Mega***
(Wanna play?)

The curtain rose and this year's fifth grade class was ready to begin their presentation of of the play, "Manifest Destiny". There were easily a couple hundred parents assembled in the miserably hot gymnasium designed to hold only half that number, the air conditioning had stopped working the day before and to make matters worse, the only thing to sit on were hard metal folding chairs. Everyone in the audience was hoping this wouldn't be another marathon performance like year's past had been.

Not more than five minutes into the presentation, a flock of grackles flew through an open door, crapping on all the unsuspecting onlookers. Pandemonium broke out with the scene looking like a hand grenade had just exploded into a vat of hand cream! Ten more minutes of utter chaos ensued before the school janitor, a flibberty-gibbet little man, was finally able to stop laughing long enough to shoo away all but one solitary bird. Eventually, things settled down and the play, showing the polarization of the east with the west, resumed.

Although most of the story followed history, the drama teacher's alternative life style was evident in certain aspects of it. For the most part the other teachers and parents were fine with her deviation from tradition, but there was one gentleman with whom it didn't sit well. What a pompous ass he was, and it should come as no surprise that his attitude had earned him the title through the community as "The Butler". Did it, boy-oh-boy, did it ever frost his shorts that the story of America's history was being, in his opinion, portrayed as something less than appropriate.

Now the couple sitting just behind and to the right of this gentleman could care less about his personal feelings of the play. That's because their daughter was due up on stage next and they were on pins and needles anticipating her big acting debut. The poor girl was considered by her peers to be quite the ugly duckling, but perhaps a good performance today might transform her into a beautiful swan with the other kids. Her mom, being three days past due with her pregnancy was about ready to burst, (for more reasons than one). As if she didn't have enough going on with the excitement of the crapping birds earlier, the soaring heat in the gym and the added pounds of pressure on her bladder, she now felt the flatulence that had plagued her throughout the past nine months, was about to rear its ugly head. Just as her daughter took the stage, she let one rip. It came out moist and loud, and oh how she hoped no one else had heard it over the other noises. Without skipping a beat, her husband quickly raised his hand and announced, "Sorry everyone, that was me!" Now he wasn't a pathological liar by nature, but his wife was very thankful that this was one lie he was willing to tell.


Akelamalu said...

LOL I love it that the wordzzles I've read up to now all blame the butler for the flatulence - including mine!!

I like the way you have split a couple of the phrases Jeff - cunning!

Dana said...

I will say what I say every Saturday ... fine job Jeff!

Dianne said...

what fun

the "reverse polarization of his pocket protector" is still making me laugh!

great job Jeff! you're a natural!!

Odat said...

Hey I used to date a guy named "Grackles" hehe.

Good job!!!


Raven said...

These were great! A little tricky word use "the butler. Did it... Hmmm. All three were great fun. Since I can't resist a good romance, the first was my favorite, though I really loved the way you managed to use hand cream in the second one. Very clever.

Jay said...

Each of those were brilliant!

I've never met a pathological nose picker and hope I don't anytime soon! LOL

Very clever wordzzling dude!

katherine. said...

you always dazzle us....

but I hate waiting til sunday.....

Jeff B said...

Akelamalu- The flatulent butler was too good to pass up. The word splitting was my feeble attempt at thinking outside the box.

Dana- Thanks, it never gets old.

Dianne- Can't you just see the poor guy's thick rimmed glasses too?

Odat- Your nickname wouldn't happen to be Becky-Sue would it?

Raven- That was a stretch I know. Not sure if it played off all that great, but what the heck, it was worth a shot.

Jay- I'm sure they would be easy to "pick" out of a crowd!

Katherine- I might switch the days so there isn't one in between anymore. After the first day the interest in guessing seems to run out. So far you have the only correct guess on one of the items.

Ron said...

Loved them all, Jeff...

But the MEGA was my FAV!

So enjoyed how you split, the butler. Did it.


And the whole "flatulence lie" was hysterical!#!*!

Once again...bellisima!

Ciao, bud!

Leighann said...

HA! Good job Jeff. I think it's safe to say that you're a genius. :)

Kimmie said...

Oh these were fun stories! Great Job Jeff! I loved that hte hubby took the heat for his wife, that is totally you! :-)

Kimmie said...

Should I have specified the bottom of a toaster. I think I see those levers when I turn mine upside down to shake out the crumbs.

Just wundering??? ;-)

Kimmie said...

Oppsy...wrong post, sh*t!

Jeff B said...

Ron- This was a fun group of words to work with. And how could I be serious with flatulence as one of them.

Leighann- I hope my brother comes by to read that comment.

Kimmie-Kimmie-Kimmie- Couldn't resist the worm fuzzy at the end of that one.

I think you're on to something.

Did the word flatulence influence you here?

Richard said...

Great job this week Jeff. I enjoyed all your stories.

I think all husbands should take the heat for their wive's farts.

Either that or jump up and exclaim when they (the husbands) pass gas: "Honey, how could you!"


Travis said...

Clever idea to split some of the phrases. The Wordzzle masters seem to appreciate the creativity.

I know I did. Good job.

jennifer said...

Excellent! I couldn't have written it better myself. Actually I just couldn't have written it at all. You tell a fine tale!


Jeff B said...

Richard- Who knew that chivalry and flatulence could goe hand in hand?

Travis- Thank man. It was an interesting way of using those words.

Jennifer- Glad you enjoyed them.

Mel said...

<--still laughing at the 'pathological nose picker' one. LOL

Very well done, sir. What a creative brain you have!