Saturday, September 27, 2008

Is It Saturday Already?

After taking a short break, I've surfaced again. Funny how four or five days without posting feels like so much longer. It was a busy work week, which is always a good thing, but as far as creativity, I was flat. Don't know why, just was. Anyhoo, the list of words that Raven gives us each week seems to help get those creative juices flowing again, yeah! Definitely not my best stuff this week, but hey, the price is right.

Enjoy

The Mini: crocodile, special, sleep, droll, turn around

The Ten Word: exacerbate, leotard, path, tomato, Jungle Book, vagabond, parade, limber, storage, Maharajah


~~~

The Mini
"Oops"

Brent and Robert were standing at the window of the nursery looking in at all the sleeping babies. Both of their wives had recently given birth and they were comparing notes on how special it was to be fathers for the first time. That was, until they looked at the baby in the very last crib. Brent turned around, and with a droll tone said, "Good Lord in heaven, did you see the face on this one? That poor kid's mother must have mated with a crocodile!"

Unamused, Robert replied, "That baby's mother is my wife ya jerk face! She had non-identical twins."

~~~

The Ten Word
"Holy Baloney"


"The path to enlightenment can be gained only after you achieve oneness with your inner being." touted a small well fit Indian woman.

The leotard clad women in the class were trying their best just to "achieve" the various positions that were being shown by the instructor, the part about "oneness" was still a ways off for most of them. One of the women, Susan wasn't just having a hard time with the exercises, she was downright frustrated and miserable. She simply was not limber enough to contort her body the way she was being told to.

"Where's that damned assistant with the extra mat from the storage locker I requested?", Susan thought. Her face was as red as a vine ripened tomato now, with her head on the flimsy little mat that was provided, and her feet up in the air, Susan was really growing tired of this whole charade. To compound her exacerbation with the entire process, the little toothpick sized woman in the front of the room kept parading back and forth with an enlarged photograph of the Maharajah as if that was supposed to be some type of motivation to all the ladies.

"He looks more like that character from the "Jungle Book" movie than any sort of enlightened one," Susan thought.

What she, and the other ladies in the room, didn't realize was the man in the photo was Ted Washington, once a vagabond who had concocted this little scheme along with a half dozen other transients. Together, they had scraped up enough money to get their plan off the ground, and now a year later were traveling the countryside charging women a hundred bucks a shot for their game that consisted of nothing more than some made up stretches and a promise for eternal happiness.

~~~

23 comments:

Desert Songbird said...

The title of your second piece had me snickering before I even read it. Ha!

katherine. said...

both fun and amusing....there is a good reason I don't ever want to play wround in a yoga class...smile.

Raven said...

Both good, but the second was my favorite.

Mike Golch said...

sometimes I find it easier not posting a lot,that lends more time to visiting my friends here in the land of blog.

Akelamalu said...

Talk about putting your foot in it! That guy was asking for a punch on the nose. LOL

Loved the second one. Are you sure you've not been to one of those classes, you seem to know a lot about it? ((wink))

Dianne said...

I loved Susan's thoughts!!

and the guy at the nursey window is such an asshat ;)

Richard said...

Great job today. I like the cleverness of the traveling hustlers.

Rich

the teach said...

Hey Jeff, I'm not participating in Wordzzle - too much work teaching! But I'm glad you stopped by and commented at my blog! I miss being in contact with everyone, so today I'm catching up! :) And yes GO OBAMA!

MommyWizdom said...

Ha, great spin on the stories! Nice job! :-)

Jeff B said...

Songbird- ♫ "My baloney has a first name, it's ..."

Katherine- It's never appealed to me either.

Raven- Thanks

Mike- Speaking of, I need to get by to see you too.

Akelamalu- Trust me, the mental picture of me in a pair of leotards should be enough to scare anyone away!

Dianne- I'm pretty sure that guy would be a dead man with a comment like that.

Rich- True entrepreneurs they were.

Teach- Good to hear from you again. I like the new avatar too.

Mommywizdom- Thank you.

Lu' said...

...mated with a crocodile, that is great :) Sure, women will fall for anything right?

the teach said...

If you're planning to vote for Obama then you definitely DO have an open mind, Jeff! LOL! :)

Anndi said...

Twisted endings to both my friend... hehehe!

CrazyCath said...

"Oops" is just so typical of men! And "Holy Baloney" - what a great title to start with! Love how you weave the words in so naturally. Sadly, I think Holy Baloney is far nearer the truth than we realise...

Dr.John said...

Both fun stories. I like the ending of the second one.

Ron said...

Hey...Word Wizard Man!

Thoroughly enjoyed BOTH of these.

And the TITLES were such a CLEVER lead-in to the stories.

Way to go, buddy!

Have a great weekend!

Melli said...

Oooooooooo m'gosh! Your mini is hysterical! And I think the 2nd one might actually be NON-fiction! LOL!

Travis said...

And they say there are no ugly babies. LOL!

Jeff B said...

Lu- I wouldn't dare say that. Too many women who read this blog. Mama didn't raise no fool.

Teach- What a swing eh? From Bush four years ago to Obama this year. I just keep remembering what Regan said many years ago during one of his debates, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" That's a pretty easy one to answer for most people today.

Anndi- I knew you'd enjoy those.

Crazycath- Remember my list from the other day? Havent learned to keep my big mouth shut? I'm affraid I could have been the guy with his foot in his mouth. If not actually, at least metaphorically.

Dr. John- Thanks, glad you enjoyed them.

Ron- I didn't always title them, but I've started to lately. It just seems to help set the stage.

Melli- I admit to a couple of chuckles myself as I wrote the first one.

Travis- "They" may say that, but certainly not me. Unfortunately I've seen visual evidence to the contrary. Poor things. hehehehe

Jay said...

Two more great Wordzzles dude!

I'm a Wordzzle loser. I need to get back into it!

Great job though!

Mel said...

*shaking head*

Dunno how you can decide if it's creative or not--maybe it's in the eye of the beholder?

I rather liked 'em......but I'm told I have no taste.....LOL

*hugs*

Sandi McBride said...

You're too much fun Jeff...both stories got the best of women in your telling...but be careful now, cause you know my motto,when my feet first hit the floor the devil begins to moan "oh hell, she's up!"
Sandi

Bond said...

The second came out of nowhere...well done jeff