Sunday, September 21, 2008

Things I've Learned

Here is a short list of a few things I've learned:

1. No matter how much I yell at the TV, it won't change the outcome of the game.

2. Laughter is good for the soul.

3. Children hear everything you say, and at just the wrong time will repeat the things you wish they didn't.

4. When someone asks, "Does this smell bad?" it is not necessary to oblige them with a whiff.

5. The real reason dogs lick your face is to get rid of the butt taste on their tongues.

6. Poultry tastes like chicken.

7. The price of gas never goes back down at the same rate at which it went up.

8. I've never had a hangover from drinking too much Dr Pepper.

9. Unfortunately, one of the candidates for president will win come this November.

10. A fair amount of people walking this earth could learn much about unconditional love from the family dog.


Nicole P said...

These are some awesome lessons!!

Sandi McBride said...

Wonderful post. They can learn a lot about being patient from the family cat, too. And yes, you're right...unfortunately someone will win, and I'm afraid it won't be Pyewackit, my cat...his campaign ran out of money and Mac refused him a loan. Such is the heartbreak of politics.

Matt-Man said...

Ha. Good Post Jeff. I try Number One all of the time and it doesn't work for me either. Cheers!!

Dana said...

Unfortunately, one of the candidates for president will win come this November.

I am so there with you on this one Jeff!

Jeff B said...

Nicole P- Thanks

Sandi- I like your point about patience and the cat.

Matt- I tried it this weekend and it still doesn't work.

Dana- I think Matt-Man really needs to step up his bid for the white house.

Jay said...

LOL .. usually if some asks "does this smell bad?" I just assume it does.

jennifer said...

The yelling at the TV was right on for me too. And i'll tell you something else, just because you pray for your team, during to game, to WIN, does not mean that they will.

Fortunately this weekend all that I wanted to win did!! ROLL TIDE!

Jules~ said...

This is great! I think I can relate to every point on here.
Elections....sigh.....have you ever heard a song by Nora Jones called Election Day? She does a great job comparing the whole event to Halloween trick or treating time.

Desert Songbird said...

Well, poultry could taste like "foul" if it's been left out too long.

Lanny said...

Nice lessons you've learned.

Just got home from the fair tonight at eleven, had a few moments, and a connection, Thursday to quickly put the comments through to my blog, but no time to read or comment on the comments. Thank you for reading mine, and your encouragement.

By the way, the spelling comment I wrote earlier in the week was for my friends not to bug me about my spelling. You have no idea the torture they put me through for my complete lack of seeing spelling mistakes via typing mishaps, as well as my poor spelling. Sorry it seemed at your expense! But everyone for themselves, gotta take care of me first! (kidding)

This month's won't be as easy as last month's, but I will most certainly give it a try.

Are you sure about the first lesson though? I swear I've seen refs stop, look in the direction of the camera and change their mind. I thought for sure that they could hear me. And I'm positive I've assited in a tackle or two, at least I should have by the size of the bruise on Dirt's shoulder. But if you say so...

Again, thanks for the challenge to and opportunity for a writing exercise.

buffalodick said...

Pretty good list! Number 9- I'm changing my name to None of the Above, and will win in a landslide!

Mel said...


Never been tossed in jail for consuming too much coffee--yet.....

((((((( Jeff ))))))))

Brilliant lessons!

Bond said...

Great lessons...

On a gasoline note...It has dropped one station almost 18 cents in one day!

You can find it from $3.53 - $3.79

Starrlight said...

#9 made me snort with laughter! Glad I am not the only one out there who is less than thrilled this year!

katherine. said...

yes...and just because I was talking...or not paying attention...or cheering for the other guy(s)... it is not my fault your guy(s) didn't win!

katherine. said...

and dogs lick themselves to get rid of the tast of diet dr pepper.

katherine. said...

and all kidding aside...

no matter who wins in November...lots and LOTS of people are gonna be really angry.

Jeff B said...

Jay- that's a safe bet. I can't believe anyone actually falls for that one.

Jennifer- We sports fans are a silly bunch aren't we? I was pretty happy with the games this week too. The Raiders lost (sorry Travis) ans the 49ers won Wahoo!!

Jules- Haven't heard that one. I'll have to see if it's on YouTube.

Songbird- Ba Da Bump Bump. She'll be here all week folks, and don't forget to tip your waitress.

Lanny- No offense taken. I was glad you pointed it out in fact. I feel your pain with spelling. Without spell check, I'm a mess.

Buffalo- I think you may be on to something there.

Mel- There's still time ya know. Good thing there isn't a goobers on the cup law in affect!

Bond- Wow, that is amazing! Isn't it the shits though, when we start getting excited about gas at $3.50 a gallon? Oh well, you know how poor all the oil companies are. Greedy turds!

Starrlight- I think you and I belong to a pretty large group this election year.

Katherine- 49ers WIN!!! What the heck is it with diet sodas? If people are so worried about the calories in the stuff, why don't they switch to water? All of those artificial sweeteners are so horrendous tasting to me.

I think last election with Bush and Kerry was one of the most "love 'em or hate 'em" ones I can remember. There are certainly many out there with strong feelings this year, but I think there are also a large number of those that are just feeling apathetic about the whole thing.

Akelamalu said...

They are all true but #3 especially! :0

Vodka Mom said...

11. When someone offers you a breath mint, take it.

12. Don't sit on the toilet assuming your husband or SON has put the lid back down.

13. 16 year old daughters are NEVER nice for no reason.

14. GIrls become women, and will someday do something nice for you.

Travis said...

I suggest that yelling at the tv does impact the result of the game. I'm of the opinion that those b*$****$ can actually hear us yelling, and they conspire to screw up just to spite.


Jeff B said...

Akelamalu- They are like little sponges aren't they?

Vodka Mom- Your #11 and my #4 seem to go hand in hand. I like your other additions as well.

Travis- It does seem that way at times doesn't it? I'd be willing to bet your Raiders were getting an earful from you on Sunday too.

Ron said...

Oh god, Jeff...what a GREAT list!

#4 is SOOOO freaking true! I mean why the hell do we ask people to ALWAYS smell something that STINKS???

#5 Thank you...that's all I can say...thank you.

#10 You said it buddy!

Great post, Jeff!

Thank you for sharing!

nitebyrd said...

You're brilliant! More people should learn those things.

Rhea said...

Haha love this list. I agree with animals and laughter being good for the soul.

Great post, Jeff!

Jeff B said...

Ron- Glad you enjoyed it.

Nitebyrd- Surely you jest about that brilliant thing, but it sound cool anyway. Thanks.

Rhea- You're right, animals are good for the soul too.

CrazyCath said...

This is wonderful. Poultry and chicken had me LMAO. Great stuff. I have lost my writing mojo.