Friday, November 21, 2008

Stories, Sotries, Stories

Yes, you may have noticed that I've taken to writing more stories on this blog than anything else. I've really found this world of fiction quite a lot of fun. I will try to remember to mix it up a bit for those seeking more of a grab bag type of site, but for today. . . you guessed it a couple more stories.

A quick sidebar: The new Portrait of Words pictures for December are posted. You can scroll down the the next post to see them or simply click on the link in my sidebar if you like.

OK, time for this week's addition of Wordzzles. Raven started out by giving us one set of words to use and then realized some or all were reruns. By the time she gave us a new list, I'd already written the "Ten Word" story for the first set. What does all this mean? This week I have two "Ten Word" offerings and one "Mini" all with different words. Confused yet? If so, just breath in and out a couple of times and enjoy the following:


Ten Word (group one): moisturizing, pickles, seat belt, flip-flop, Chicago, allergies, doctor, ready or not here I come, computer programmer, dog biscuit

"Take Two Aspirin and Call Me in the Morning"

Doctor Flip-Flop was the allergies specialist at Chicago's Mercy Hospital. In his ten years on staff he'd seen nearly everything from reactionary chemicals in moisturizing creams, to severe repercussions from eating tainted pickles. He'd even had one little boy who'd nearly died after wolfing down and entire box of "Beagle Bites" dog biscuits. Today was a new one though. The receptionist paged him and said a computer programmer had come in with a bad case of hives that had apparently been brought on by the material used in the seat belts of his new SUV. "Ready or not, here I come!" he announced.


The Mini: canary yellow, grizzly bear, out of the frying pan and into the fire, simpleton, Ministry of Crazy Walks

This nature walk put on by "The Ministry of Crazy Walks" was like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire! The simpleton who had set it up told everyone to dress in bright canary yellow. Little did they know, it was the only color that would actually attract grizzly bears!


The Ten Word (group two): pipe organ, ravages of time, lottery tickets, angelic music, five x five, boxes of books, flattery will get you nowhere, yodeling, pig tails, knitting needles
"Pin Drop"

The ravages of time had obviously not been kind to her. In fact, it looked like someone had slipped two big boxes of books into the back of her drawers. Yep, she was your basic five x five woman; Five feet tall and five feet wide! The pig tails and Viking helmet she wore definitely did not help either. Everybody in the audience held their collective breath as she prepared to lower her caboose onto the flimsy little bench in front of the pipe organ.

"You look so much better than that honey." one husband whispered to his wife.

"Your left handed attempt at flattery will get you nowhere with me mister!" she shot back.

Meanwhile, as the bench slowly disappeared beneath the woman on stage you could feel the tension in the crowd mount.

Another man quietly told his wife, "I'll bet I could sell lottery tickets to see how long that baby's gonna hold!"

This garnered only a swift jab from his wife's elbow.

Much to everyone's surprise, not only did the bench remain in tact, but she began to play the most beautiful angelic music they had ever heard. It was absolutely mesmerizing in its quality. Then, just as the audience was being lulled into a melodic trance, for some reason unbenounced to them, the woman on stage began yodeling in the most irritating high pitched voice imaginable. The sound was like having knitting needles inserted directly into the ear drums! Everyone in the congregation sat motionless in shocked disbelief during the next three minutes as she continued. When she finally finished, a rather half hearted applause came from just a smatering of the people.

Without missing a beat, the woman got up, turned and bowed. As she raised back up, the pastor walked up behind her and unzipped the latex "fat suit" she was wearing. The entire congregation gasped as the suit was peeled away and they realized this woman was really the quite petite worship leader who generally led them in their Sunday morning praise songs.

She bowed again and the pastor began his sermon, "Today our message will be about having a critical heart and passing judgement on others. . . "

You coud have heard a pin drop!


Hope you have a great weekend all.


Mike Golch said...

Jeff, this is your blog to what ever you wish to post on it.My blog is such a mixed bag so why not follow your drummer and post what makes you happy.

Ron said...

Howdy Jeff!

First of all...I enjoy EVERYTHING you share with us!

So bring it on, buddy!

Secondly...Pin Drop was freaking BRILLIANT!

Excellent in humor, yet such a WISE message!


Thanks for sharing, Jeff!

Melli said...

WHOA! Oooooo I LOVED the last one! What a GREAT ending! Oh my!

Jeff B said...

Mike- Thanks. Part of this blog is for me of course, but just as much is for everyone else. Just trying to strike a balance.

Ron- Ha, be careful what you ask for!

Funny thing was, I was at church last Tuesday night having a cup of coffee when I wrote that one.

Melli- I think everyone can relate to that one at some point.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Great fun Jeff - thought they were all clever, liked Pin Drop the most but the Mini made me laugh too.


Akelamalu said...

I seem to be publishing writing challenges more than anything else too, but I so enjoy them and isn't that what blogging is all about anyways?

You stories are always so professional! They were all superb but I love the last one most of all - never just a book by its cover!

Dr.John said...

All three stories were very good.
But as a Pastor I really loved the last one. It made a point and yet was funny. I could see the whole thing in my mind. I think I know some of the people in the congregation.
It was such fun.
By all means vary your blog but don't quit writing stories.

Finding Pam... said...

Jeff, you really had me going on Pin Drop. I love your writing and the twist and turns always keep me guessing.

Wish I could take off my fat suit!!! That sounds like something our preacher would do. You really out did yourself.

Do what you love. It shows...

Raven said...

Well done! These were fantastic. When I read the mini, I thought it was going to be my favorite... until I read the last one. Which isn't to say I didn't love the first one too.

Cherie said...

Most impressive! I'll echo the others in saying, it's your darn blog. You can do what you want to. :)

I thought that all three were cute, but I also liked the last one best. Inspiration can come at the most interesting times.

Jeff B said...

Anne- Glad you liked them.

Akelamalu- I guess you're right. I just don't want to be too one dimensional in what I offer up. Then again, maybe i should just relax and let it be what it is.

Dr John- I remember a story about a pastor that come to service looking like a homeless man. He sat down in the pew to see what kind of reaction he would get. He then stood up and proceeded to give his sermon. This was a similar type of tale.

Finding Pam- It certainly would be a convicting message wouldn't it?

Raven- I was pleasantly surprised at how it fit together. Thank you.

Cherie- Thanks for the echo. I'll keep on keeping on.

Starrlight said...

I love you stories. I just wish I had some time to give it a whirl.

quilly said...

I stand convicted. You give great Wordzzle and great sermons!

Anndi said...

Our blogs are our homes, we can post anything we want on them.

Pin drop! hehehe

Yellow eh? Like bananas? :)

Travis said...

I'm glad you feel comfortable posting your stories here. I enjoy them.

Jeff B said...

Starrlight- I'll keep churning them out as long as imagination allows.

Quilly- Don't forget to drop a dollar in the offering basket as it passes by.

Anndi- Never missing an opportunity to bust my chops I see.

Travis- I enjoy writing them. Glad they are being well received.

gabrielle said...

Just keep writing whatever makes your heart happy. I had all kind of grand plans for my blog. Turns out the agenda was so overwhelming that I scared myself out of launching it altogether. That is …up until I started writing wordzzle stories. At first I felt intimidated by the exercise. I read other people’s stories. It looked like too much fun. So I wrote for two weeks, posting on Raven’s blog. Oh did I mention, I am severely technically challenged? So I got some technical help, overcame my inertia and my shyness and now I’m hooked. Mostly stories for me too.
Enjoyed all of your stories! Like Raven, I fell in love with the first one. Can’t beat Beagle Bites!!! Great suspense on the pin drop yarn You had me til the moment the organist stepped out of her fat suit. What a brilliant setting to expose the pettiness that lurks!!!
. I love this blogging community. So much talent and good will. Glad to finally meet the person behind portrait of words. Keep writing!

Lu' said...

In fact, it looked like someone had slipped two big boxes of books into the back of her drawers Ha great line. Those were good Jeff. I enjoyed them :)

Mel said...

Yup...definitely the last one was the one for me.

Gosh--I don't know how you come up with this stuff.
I just don't!

But I don't hope it's an unending supply--cuz darnitall, it's enjoyable as all get out.

Thank you, sir.
Enjoyed the read!

BJ Roan said...

Another worthy read. I liked the fact that you named a doctor "Flip Flop". And the last offering had a great message slipped in between the laughter. You should blog what you want, but I really do enjoy the stories...and well, I'm kinda likin' the feud, too.

bettygram said...

Great stories. I liked the last one best.

Jeff B said...

Gabrielle- Nice to meet your acquaintance as well. Hope you'll make it back for POW if not before.

Lu- You caught the double meaning to that one. Good going.

Mel- I don't know where the majority of this stuff comes from either. Just seems to pop into view. Hope it keeps happening too, cause I truly enjoy penning them.

BJ- Thanks and I feel a part three coming on.

Bettygram- always glad to entertain.

Carletta said...

Hi Jeff,
I loved your two minis but 'Pin Drop' was absolutely delightful and insightful!
Outstanding conclusion!

I'm hoping to participate in your next POW.

Dianne said...

I liked the name 'Dr. Flip Flop', gave me this image of a very harried doc.

BUT - the last one was gold Jeff. So sweet and inspiring and well - wonderful

I seem to be writing less and less the past couple of weeks but I'm hoping it's just a phase.

I love everything you write - you have a wonderful, genuine voice :)

Jeff B said...

Carletta- The pictures are up and there's always room for another participant. Hope to see your story posted.

Dianne- I'm quite sure it's just a phase. Went through it a while back too. All the sudden the fog lifts and inspiration takes hold again.

Sandi McBride said...

I don't blame you Jeff, you're good at it, and anyone enjoys doing what they're good at! I love a "mixed bag" myself! In fact I can't wait to see what I'll be writing about next!

Matt-Man said...

If you knew how much I dig thick chicks in pigtails and a Viking helmet, you would know how pornographic I found this story. Cheers Jeff!!

Jeff B said...

Sandi- I like to spontaneity of posting whatever comes up. It just seems lately that I've stuck to one direction. Not that that is a bad thing, just where it's gone.

MattMan- Had I have known, I'd of written in a little cleavage for you too.

Lulda Casadaga said...

Bravo...this hits home! I laughed and I judged, and than whammo I felt humbled! great job! :)