Stories, Sotries, Stories

Yes, you may have noticed that I've taken to writing more stories on this blog than anything else. I've really found this world of fiction quite a lot of fun. I will try to remember to mix it up a bit for those seeking more of a grab bag type of site, but for today. . . you guessed it a couple more stories.

A quick sidebar: The new Portrait of Words pictures for December are posted. You can scroll down the the next post to see them or simply click on the link in my sidebar if you like.

OK, time for this week's addition of Wordzzles. Raven started out by giving us one set of words to use and then realized some or all were reruns. By the time she gave us a new list, I'd already written the "Ten Word" story for the first set. What does all this mean? This week I have two "Ten Word" offerings and one "Mini" all with different words. Confused yet? If so, just breath in and out a couple of times and enjoy the following:

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Ten Word (group one): moisturizing, pickles, seat belt, flip-flop, Chicago, allergies, doctor, ready or not here I come, computer programmer, dog biscuit

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"Take Two Aspirin and Call Me in the Morning"

Doctor Flip-Flop was the allergies specialist at Chicago's Mercy Hospital. In his ten years on staff he'd seen nearly everything from reactionary chemicals in moisturizing creams, to severe repercussions from eating tainted pickles. He'd even had one little boy who'd nearly died after wolfing down and entire box of "Beagle Bites" dog biscuits. Today was a new one though. The receptionist paged him and said a computer programmer had come in with a bad case of hives that had apparently been brought on by the material used in the seat belts of his new SUV. "Ready or not, here I come!" he announced.

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The Mini: canary yellow, grizzly bear, out of the frying pan and into the fire, simpleton, Ministry of Crazy Walks

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"Oops"

This nature walk put on by "The Ministry of Crazy Walks" was like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire! The simpleton who had set it up told everyone to dress in bright canary yellow. Little did they know, it was the only color that would actually attract grizzly bears!

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The Ten Word (group two): pipe organ, ravages of time, lottery tickets, angelic music, five x five, boxes of books, flattery will get you nowhere, yodeling, pig tails, knitting needles

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"Pin Drop"

The ravages of time had obviously not been kind to her. In fact, it looked like someone had slipped two big boxes of books into the back of her drawers. Yep, she was your basic five x five woman; Five feet tall and five feet wide! The pig tails and Viking helmet she wore definitely did not help either. Everybody in the audience held their collective breath as she prepared to lower her caboose onto the flimsy little bench in front of the pipe organ.

"You look so much better than that honey." one husband whispered to his wife.

"Your left handed attempt at flattery will get you nowhere with me mister!" she shot back.

Meanwhile, as the bench slowly disappeared beneath the woman on stage you could feel the tension in the crowd mount.

Another man quietly told his wife, "I'll bet I could sell lottery tickets to see how long that baby's gonna hold!"

This garnered only a swift jab from his wife's elbow.

Much to everyone's surprise, not only did the bench remain in tact, but she began to play the most beautiful angelic music they had ever heard. It was absolutely mesmerizing in its quality. Then, just as the audience was being lulled into a melodic trance, for some reason unbenounced to them, the woman on stage began yodeling in the most irritating high pitched voice imaginable. The sound was like having knitting needles inserted directly into the ear drums! Everyone in the congregation sat motionless in shocked disbelief during the next three minutes as she continued. When she finally finished, a rather half hearted applause came from just a smatering of the people.

Without missing a beat, the woman got up, turned and bowed. As she raised back up, the pastor walked up behind her and unzipped the latex "fat suit" she was wearing. The entire congregation gasped as the suit was peeled away and they realized this woman was really the quite petite worship leader who generally led them in their Sunday morning praise songs.

She bowed again and the pastor began his sermon, "Today our message will be about having a critical heart and passing judgement on others. . . "

You coud have heard a pin drop!

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Hope you have a great weekend all.