Merry Ebonic Christmas

In December 1996, the Oakland (California) Unified School District ignited a national controversy over the use of Ebonics in the classroom. There was quite the heated debated between the white and black communities and many African-Americans were mixed on the issue as well.

On one side of the argument you had people claiming that Ebonics (ebony and phonics) was and is a language derived from both ancestry and culture. They continued by insisting that it be part of the educational format so that black students who were struggling due to a language barrier would have a better chance of success in school.

On the flip side many people argued that by incorporating this 'slang' into the classroom it would actually impede these children's understanding of the English language. There were many in the black community who felt by allowing the use of Ebonics by the school system that it was 'dumbing down' their race.

I personally thought this was one of the most idiotic things I'd ever heard of. To me this was not a matter of race or even of trying to preserve a culture's roots. It was just another special interest group that felt the need to syphon more tax dollars out of the already economically challenged school system.

I had just been thinking about the classic 'Twas The Night Before Christmas' tale when the whole Ebonics bombshell dropped. What would this sound like I wondered? So out of immediate inspiration I wrote the following:

"Merry Ebonic Christmas"

.

Twas da night befo crismus an all tru da crib

Not no critter was stirrin' not even no pig

.

Da socks was dun hung from da chimney wit care

In hopes dat my Home Boy Clause soon would be dare

.

Da chiles was be nestled all snug in dey beds

Wit visions o chitlins dancin in dey heads

.

Da ole' lady in her jerry curls an me in my cap

We had just chilled out fo a long wintas nap

.

When out on da lawn dey rose such a clatta

I jumped to my feets to see wuz up da matta

.

Ova to da windo I dun flu like a flash

Bus open da shutta an trowed out da hash

.

Da moon on da pile a da new yellow snow

Gave da lusta dat da dog had just ben below

.

When what to my bloodshot eyes dun did appear

But a '76 Caddi an eight tiny deer

.

Wit a little ole' driver so crusty an lost

I dun knowed it mus be dat Home Boy yo Clause

.

Mo rapid dan eagles his deers dey dun came

An he spit out his chaw an den call dem by name

.

Now Leroy now Tyrone now Tisha an Ester

On Bubba on Kunta on Wilma an Lester

.

To da top o da poach wit yo hands on da wall

Else I bus a cap off in all a ya'll

.

So up to da roof does deers day dun flu

Cause dey was high on some crack an my Home Boy was too

.

An den wit a thud I dun heared up on top a my shanny

Laughter from deers as dat Home Boy fell onto his fanny

.

As I dun started to chuckle myself

Right down tru da chimney came dis big ole' fat elf

.

Still dressed in his orange jump suit from his head to his foot

His clothes dum did matched his face now cause a da soot

.

Wit a bundle a radios dun hung from his back

He look just like a thief openin dat sack

.

He dun had a butt ugly face an a big ole' fat belly

Dat jiggled an shook like some nasty ass jelly

.

Not no word he dun speaked but went straight to his work

Stole all our stuff off dat big stinkin jerk

.

Den he dun sticked his finger right up in his nose

An flicked out a bugger as away he done goes

.

He jumped in his Caddy an to da deers he dun shout

Lets get down da road befo da cops dun fine out

.

But I dun heared him say as he drove out a da getto

Merry Ebonic Christmas to all a ya all and to all of ya Yo!

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