Saturday, January 5, 2008

It's Billy Craze Here



You know who I'm talking about don't you? He's the shorter, rounder, GI Joe looking guy in a light blue shirt screaming at you about every fifth commercial.

Have you heard about his latest product? I hear it's very popular in New York, Chicago and parts of Jersey. The pitch goes something like this:

Don't know how to get all that crime scene goo out of that nice new carpet? Your worries are over, because with my new cleaner your hit can be cleaned up faster than a Lindsey Lohan rehab stay.

Hi, Billy Craze here for Whack-Away, and if you're with the mob, this does the job.

With it's high potency bleach compounds it not only whitens your whites, but it destroys crucial DNA evidence in the process.

Watch as I take this blood pool and pour Whack-Away on it. Simply agitate then count.

Three . . . Two . . . One . . . and you're done! It's that easy.

What about brains and intestines you say?

Never fear, Whack-Away is here. Just drop those parts in the plastic tub provided and watch all your problems melt away. So why delay? Order today.

Don't be the only "family" in your borough without it.

Please have your unmarked bills ready and order your very own 50 gallon drum now.

But wait, be one of the next five Dons to call and I'll double your order. That's right. That's a whopping 100 gallons of Whack-Away for the same low price.

Not enough you say? . . . That's OK, because as an added bonus I'm going to include the Samurai Loan Shark at no additional up front cost to you. It's great for turning those small debts into completely unmanageable nightmares.

What else could there be? . . . Just you wait and see. I'll even include Sticky Putty Pauly and Joey the Hercules Hook. These two are great for fencing all sorts of merchandise, and the best part is they're disposable.

Why do the time yourself?

When the Feds are on your tail, let them go to jail.




We now return you to your regular scheduled program.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Sunrise - What sun?


A while back Katherine asked for pictures of a sunrise from our area of the globe. I took this picture from my back patio a few days prior to her post and thought, "I wonder what I'll use this shot for?" Who knew.


Anyway I really was struck by the colors in it and as much as I'd like it to be from somewhere warm and sunny like, oh I don't know . . . oh yeah, ANYWHERE ELSE, it's not.


Living in the northwest part of Oregon this time of year gets a bit, shall I say, blah. In the month of December we had three days without measurable rainfall. Yippee!
.
We've been up here for about seven years now and generally I don't have the winter blues until March, where after six months of gray and rain everybody is walking around looking as tan as Casper the ghost.


There are those of course who escape to tropical locations for a couple of weeks and come back looking like George Hamilton. You can spot them right away; they have vitamin D oozing from every pore and walk around all day with that ear to ear grin that says, "I saw the sunshine and you didn't, nanner, nanner, nanner." Makes me want to slap the joy right off their smiling little faces.


There are others who try to fool themselves by getting the "fake-a bake-a" tans. These are the ones you see on a regular basis, whether it be at work or otherwise. You know they've been enjoying the forty degree weather and rain like the majority of us Oregonians and haven't gone on a trip in months, but for some reason their olive-brown complexion doesn't match the bed sheet white everybody around them is sporting.


I wish I could just find a big bag of money lying on the ground somewhere. I could grab it, live somewhere down south and live happily ever after.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Dumb Luck - Chapter Seven

Here it is. The final installment of my one week journey through this story. Hopefully you've had as much fun reading it, as I have writing it.

If you're new to the site or haven't read chapters 1-6, I would encourage you to go back a week and start there. Enjoy

As Paul Harvey would say, "And now, for the rest of the story."



Darren wasn't sure what a nervous breakdown looked or felt like, but he had an inkling that he was on the verge of one. Why is it, he thought. Every time I have a bit of success in my quest to free myself of this nightmare, something is lurking around the corner that causes me great angst?

I'm gonna take this bag and walk it right into that office across the street, ask for the guy in charge and hand it to him.

As he started to remember scenes from the movies where horses heads in the bed appeared and broken knee caps were a common theme, he thought better of his idea.

That'd be suicide. . . Come on Miles, pull yourself together.



It was now approaching 7:00AM and the city streets were starting to fill up with drivers. I wonder if Ryan and Karen have spilled the beans about the car yet? he thought. I better off this one and find something else before I go any further.

He remembered seeing some dealerships along the frontage road between the exit he'd taken and the one before it. The problem was, it was still too early for any of them to be open, even on a Saturday.

I'll have to wait at least another hour until anybody shows up, he thought. It's either that or drive south until I hit the next decent sized town. By his recollection, that'd be another sixty miles or better.

This presented a dilemma. Waiting here meant the cops had an additional hour or more to track his whereabouts, but leaving meant taking his chances out on the interstate where the troopers might easily spot the Buick.

I'll wait here. He decided.



Miles cautiously made his way through the surface streets to where he'd seen the neon, 'cars for sale' signs the night before. He certainly didn't plan on going into any of the major dealerships, but he knew there'd be some used car lots close by that he could find something at.

Sure enough, sprinkled in between some of the big name guys were several smaller dealers to choose from. It was a crapshoot as to which one he should go to, but he eventually settled on one that for some reason caught his eye.

The sign that stood above the cars below was a rather non-descript one that simply said, "QUALITY PRE-OWNED CARS WITH PLENTY OF MILES TO GO".

"That's the one." He mumbled to himself.



There was a small strip mall next to the lot where he could park and wait for one of the salesmen to show-up. At about a quarter of eight an older Hispanic gentleman pulled up to the yellow, vinyl coated chain that stretched across the driveway, and unlocked it.

Darren gave him enough time to park and make his way into the office, then he headed over to see him. As he walked up, he could see the blinds on the glass door and windows were still shut and the small sign posted in front of him showed the hours of operation as, "8:30-6:00 Mon-Sat, 11:00-6:00 Sun".

Jiggling the handle, it was as he suspected, locked. He wasn't going to let that dissuade him however; he rapped on the door about six times with his knuckles and waited.

A few seconds later he saw an eyeball starring at him through the parted mini-blinds and heard the man inside say, with a distinctively Spanish accent, "Were not open yet amigo, what do you need?"

"I know and I'm sorry to bug you so early," Darren started in, "but I really need a car and I've got cash."

This was music to the salesman's ears. He said, "Uno momento, I'll get the door."

As Darren walked in, the old man asked, "What is it you're looking for my friend?"

"I need something that's going to get me down to Mexico." He replied.

"Si, we have plenty of cars that will get you there and back."

"I'm not worried about making it back. Getting there is all I'm concerned with."

He could see the light bulb go off above the man's head as he looked into his tired brown eyes. Not sure of what the salesman was thinking, Darren simply said, "What?"

"Sit down por favor." he replied. "I want to tell you a story."

Darren really didn't have time to listen to the ramblings of an old man, but for some reason he felt compelled to indulge him. "Alright." he said. Pointing to the corner he continued, "But would you mind if I had some of that coffee you're brewing?"

"Oh, si si, help yourself."

As Darren settled into the cheap, cloth covered metal chair, the old man began to unfold a story about his coming to this country many years before and how he was hoping for a better life.

A few minutes into the tale, Darren stopped him and said, "I'm sorry to be rude, but what does this have to do with me buying a car from you?"

"It has nothing to do with a car amigo, but it has everything to do with why you're running to Mexico."

"Who said I'm running anywhere?" he nervously replied.

"Relax my young friend, I know who you are and I know who's after you."

With this statement the old man took the morning paper off of his desk, unfolded the crease in it and tossed it in front of Darren.

"I recognized you the minute you said Mexico."

That familiar feeling of panic immediately returned as he sat there looking at a DMV photo of himself on one side of the page and a surveillance photo from the gas station on the other. The words on the page didn't matter; the pictures said it all.

"What do you want from me old man?" Darren said as he started to get up.

"I want to help you. Now sit back down and listen to the rest of my story. . . please"

What's the use, he thought. I'm finished anyway. I might as well humor the old guy.

For the next few minutes the would be salesman turned friend, laid out how the Bennetelli's had nearly stolen his dream for a better life when they entered his world about a six years earlier. He explained how they used the frozen foods business as a front for their more lucrative auto ring and how they controlled many of the small used car lots in the area, using them to offload most of the cars that their accomplices stole.

He also learned that old man, Ramon, was allowed only enough profit to keep his family out of debt. As he continued, he told Darren how much he wanted to leave and return to his homeland, but feared for himself and that his family still living in the US would be in danger.

"They told me if I said a word to the police or tried to run out on them, they'd kill me and my family. So you see my friend, I understand your fear."

Darren was speechless. He just sat there with his mouth agape.

"You don't need a car amigo, you need a friend."

"What do you have in mind?" he replied.

The old man sat back for a minute thinking and then leaned forward and said, "I have a cousin who is in the business of bringing in shall I say, 'special cargo', to the United States. He's been doing it for years and I'm sure he would love to 'bring one back'.

The two men sat there and hatched out a plan to get Darren and most of his money across the boarder. There would of course, be a small fee for providing such services.



Sometime later, after working out the details and putting everything in motion, Darren Miles found himself in the back of a crowded cargo van. There were boxes all around him to conceal his presence just in case they were searched as the vehicle traveled between the two countries. The only thing that was familiar to him now was the green duffel bag that he was sitting on. It was slightly lighter than it was a few short days ago when this all started, but he didn't care as long as this plan worked.

After what seemed like forever in the back of this scorching hot sanctuary on wheels, he felt it slow down and then get into a stop and go rhythm. As they inched their way through the line the driver eventually brought the van to a complete halt. He then heard talking coming from outside, but it was impossible to make out what was being said.

This is it. He thought. This has got to be the boarder.

A moment later he felt the weight shift at the back of the van and the roll-up door suddenly went clattering up. He heard what he figured to be an inspector and the driver talking about what he was transporting. His four years of high school Spanish were being put to the test as he strained to hear what the two men were saying. He could understand some of what was said, but they were talking so fast it was difficult to make out everything. It had been too long since he had needed to rely on this second language for anything other than a passing grade in school.

After a few more exchanges of words he heard the roll-up door close. The van started up again and they were off!

He heard the driver knock three times on the metal wall that separated the cabin from the cargo area. This was the signal he'd been waiting for. As they'd talked about in their plan, it meant they had made it past the boarder station and were now their way to the drop off point.

About one more hour and he could get out of this pressure cooker. Besides being overheated and dripping with sweat, he was starting to cramp-up from being confined in such a small space.

Like clockwork, an hour later almost to the minute, they stopped again. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP he heard coming from the driver's side of the van. They were at Jorge's house. This was the uncle who would take him the rest of the way during the next few days.

He couldn't believe how bright is was once the door had been opened and all the boxes removed in front of him. Shielding his eyes from the sun he made his way out into the fresh air.

He was greeted by a group of men standing around the back of the van. One of the men reached out his hand and said, "Ola amigo, welcome to Mexico."

"Thank. . . muchas gracias" replied Darren.

He was invited in, given a meal and offered a place to sleep for the evening. He simply couldn't believe the hospitality he was shown from these complete strangers.

Although he felt more welcome here than he had anywhere else he could remember, he never let the bag full of money out of his site. He was sure every man woman and child there knew what was in it, but not once did any of them so much as look at it. The only thing he could think of, was they were more interested in helping Ramon exercise some revenge on the Bennetelli's than getting any of his cash.



A hand full of days later he found himself, for the first time in his life, starring at the Pacific Ocean. It was an incredible site to see.

Along the way, even though the language was a barrier at times, the two men found themselves talking about many of the things of life. These were the conversations Darren missed as a child.

He still couldn't believe what had started off as such a horrible ordeal had turned into this, and as much as he wanted to get on with his new life he also was sad to have to say goodbye to this man who he had come to care about. It was nearly the end of his journey and it was also time to part ways with his newly found friend.



With about four hundred and fifty thousand in cash remaining in the bag, he was ready to start over and this new beginning would start in a moderate sized village just north of Puertro Vallarta.

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, Darren had settled in quite nicely. He was surprised how quickly the language came back to him when he was required to use it more too. He was making friends with the locals and had even started to fall for a particular girl by the name of Carmen who was a waitress at his favorite cantina.

Sitting there waiting for his girl to finish up her shift and nursing a margarita, he starred out onto the Pacific and realized, he was truly living the good life now.

About that time Carmen came over to the bar where he was sitting and told him she'd have to work another couple of hours longer than expected.

"Seriously?" he said, "I wanted to take you out for dinner tonight."

"Ah, your so sweet." she replied, "It's no problem, why don't you have something to eat here and when I'm finished later, we can go dancing."

"That sounds good."

He knew her boss was famous for pulling these last minute changes to her schedule.

Back in Denver I'd have blown a gasket over something that trivial. He thought.

He was amazed with himself. This slower paced life is actually starting to rub off on me.

Signalling Miguel, he picked up a menu and started looking at it.

"Si senior, you are having some dinner with us tonight?" the bartender said.

"I am," he said, "What's good today?"

Miguel proceeded to tell him about all of the wonderful seafood dishes they had to offer. Being so close to a major fishing port there was always plenty from the ocean to enjoy.

Putting the menu down he looked up and said, "You know I'm a little tired of fish right now. I think I'll have a nice big juicy steak instead."

"As you wish senior."

While he was waiting for his dinner to be prepared a gentleman sat down on the stool next to him and ordered a Corona.

"How ya doin'." the guy said.

From there they managed to engage in typical tourist driven conversation. Isn't it nice down here, Are you with your family or by yourself, how long are you staying. . . etc.

Eventually the guy stuck out his hand and said, "My name's Vince. . . you?"

"Darren, nice to meet you. Vince you said?"

"Yeah, Vincent Bennetelli!"



THE END

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Dumb Luck - Chapter Six

OK, I've failed to bring this story to a close today. I tried to, I intended to, I wanted to, but in the end I just couldn't get Darren to his final resting place, as it were.

Although some of you may be enjoying the continuance of the story, I respect that others may be saying, "Enough already." I will therefore, make a bold and valiant attempt to put this one to bed in chapter seven.

I've seen many pithy, humorous, thought provoking, witty...etc. quotes to ring in the new year with, so I'll refrain from adding to what you've already said so well, other than to say God speed in 2008 to you all.

If you're new to the site or haven't had a chance to read the first chapters of this story, I would encourage you to go back a few posts and start there. Enjoy.



Miles felt like getting back in his car and chancing it at the next station.

What's that going to look like though if I just turn around and leave? he thought.

Considering his two options, he decided staying put would probably raise less suspicion, so he moved his car to the other side of the island.

As the attendant came over again, Darren handed him his card.

While inserting it next to the pump's keypad the man said, "Debit or credit?"

"Wait a minute. . . Don't use that!" Darren barked at him. "I forgot, I have cash instead."

"OK, let me cancel this." As he fumbled with the pump he said, "For cash you'll have to go inside."

What he thought would be a quick and simple fill-up was now taking entirely too long and as much as he wanted to leave he knew he didn't have any choice but to finish what he had started.

Once inside, the smell of hours old hot dogs turning on stainless steel rollers in the 'hot foods' case greeted him. Normally he wouldn't have given it a second thought, but it had been several hours since his last meal of half a sandwich at the cafe.

The aroma, reminiscent of bad carnival food, reminded him how hungry he was. Opting for a couple of microwaved burritos, a bag of corn chips and a jumbo sized soda, he made his way to the register.

"I'm on number five." he said to the kid behind the counter.

As he looked up, everything in his peripheral vision turned black. He could focus on only one thing. Behind the young man standing in front of him were two surveillance cameras; one pointing towards the door and the other aiming directly at him.

He quickly looked back down at the counter, but realized it was too late. His image had yet again, been caught on tape.

The clerk, not thinking anything of it, rang-up his makeshift dinner and added the gas to it. "That'll be $68.49" he said.

Reaching into his pocket, Darren pulled out the same small wad of fifties he used to pay the cabby with earlier. Peeling off two of them, he handed them to the clerk.

The kid looked at him and said, "I'm sorry sir, but I'm not allowed to take anything larger than a twenty after 10:00PM."

"It's all I've got!" Miles replied.

"I'm sorry, but I could get into trouble if I"

Cutting him off, Darren threw the two bills on the counter and said, "Dude, you have no idea what trouble is. Keep the rest for yourself, but that's all I have."

He gathered up his things and left.



He was back on the interstate and had crossed the state line about eighty miles earlier. One more to go and I'll be on the Southern boarder of the country. he thought.

It was well past 1:00AM and his eyes were starting to grow heavy. As much time as the nap had cost him, he was grateful for having had it now. Even with that he knew he'd have to pull over soon and get some more rest.

He saw a sign ahead that said, "REST AREA 3 MILES".

Although he wanted to stop, he figured if the cops were tracking his progress South, they were sure to make a quick search of all the rest stops along the way. This may have been the first smart thing he'd done all day.

I'll find somewhere to stop at the next town, he thought.

Twenty-six miles closer to freedom, he came to a city where he felt he could find an out of the way place to stop. Monitoring the exits, he decided to take the one that said, "LOS RIOS INDUSTRIAL AREA".

A few turns and a couple of traffic lights later, he found himself next to a large concrete tilt-up style building. There were delivery trucks of various sizes behind a chain link fence and a couple of cars in the small parking area along the side. Besides being quiet and not very well lit, the best thing about the parking area was that it had an assortment of shrubs around it, making it impossible to see from the street.

Perfect! he thought.



"BEEP-BEEP-BEEP,.. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP "

The alarm on his wrist watch was signaling that it was 6:30 AM. . . Time to wake up!

With the sun poking its nose over the horizon he knew it was time to get going.

"Arrrrhhh" he groaned as he stretched his arms and back.

Between the cold air and the condensation from his breathing, he couldn't see a thing outside except the sun's glare on the windows as it rose higher in the Eastern sky. Firing-up the car, he fiddled with the knobs on the dashboard until he found the right combination for the defroster. A few minutes later he was on his way.



As he was getting ready to make his way out into traffic, he was met nearly head-on by a large semi pulling out from the warehouse across the street. His blood ran cold as the truck finished its left turn exposing the name on the side of the trailer it was pulling. There in large dark green letters with the trademark Italian flag under them was the following: "Bennetelli's Fine Frozen Foods".

"NO FUCKING WAY!" He exclaimed. "IMPOSSIBLE!"

He couldn't believe he'd actually spent the night right across the street from their South-West regional distribution center.

This house of cards he'd constructed was continuing to crumble before his eyes.


To be continued.