Saturday, November 24, 2007

Class Is In

Just in time for "what am I going to post today"... a meme has been passed my way. This being the first one of these that I've participated in I'll give it my best shot.

The rules are as follows: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. (didn't know it was broken) It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five other people.

You may thank or curse the originator The blue tea person for this meme. Lee who is new to the blogging world (please go by and say hi) tagged Mimi Queen of the memes who in turn bestowed the honor on me to participate. So, there ya go.

1) Foot in Mouth Removal:
The emphasis of this course will be learning to think before speaking (or typing) with workshops to include: "Biting Ones Tongue" , "Counting to Ten Before Reacting" and "Just Walk Away" Students such as myself needing additional work in this area my take this course multiple times.

2) Photography 20/20:
Learning how to move from snapping average pictures into taking beautiful photographs. Students will learn the meaning of such terms as: aperture, shutter speed and macro to name a few. Students will be asked not to expose themselves during class times. This course is a prerequisite for Photoshop Processing.

3) Joining Mimi in Cooking 101:
With fifteen years in the restaurant business as a chef I will join our dear culinary challenged friend Mimi in a support role. I will be taking notes for her in the following short studies: "Life After Top Ramen" , "When to Enjoy Italian Chicken Cutlets" and "Landing a Boyfriend Who Cooks".

4) Psychology - A Study in Why I Hate Balloons:
Perhaps this is some bizarre genetic thing because my mother also has a hatred for these pesky Helium filled beasts from the underworld. There will be no 'POP' quizzes in this course.

5) Wifeese: The Ultimate Love Language:
Although we've been together for more than twenty years (married 15) I feel as if I'm ready to take the extra credit course. Students taking this course should already be familiar with terms such as: "Would you mind taking out the trash" which means 'If you don't your not getting any tonight.' "Would you like to go for a walk" which means 'We're going on a walk.' and "Do you mind if my mother stays with us for a week" meaning 'I know you'd rather shove bamboo shoots under your fingernails but she's coming anyway.'

6) Anatomy - A Study In Funnybone Regeneration:
This course is designed to help us help people realize it's OK to laugh. So many people walk around all day with the weight of the world on their shoulders that we must act quickly to keep this from reaching epidemic levels. In the lab portion of this class we will be extracting funnybone stem cells and transplanting them into humorless clones, thus transforming them into productive upbeat members of society once again.

7) Religion:
Students will be taught that not everyone shares their belief system. Attendees will be taught that a belief in God or more specifically Jesus Christ (I'm included here) does not make a person more superior and that love of all people is what's important. Students will not be asked to convert from their current or non-religion to another. They will be asked to understand each others point of view even when they don't agree. Peace Globes will be handed out to all graduating members.

8) How to Build Your Own Soap Box:
In this course students will be given all the materials and tools necessary to build a platform on which they can stand-up and voice their opinion. Protests and rallies will not be mandatory, but silence will result in a failing grade. This class will be broadcast to the 'hearing' impaired

Hopefully the next victims, I mean participants will be:Katherine Mel Kevin Travis Odat

Hope to see you this Spring.


Travis said...

I've been double shot!

I shall do my best to comply by the end of the week.

BTW - course #7 is outstanding.

katherine. said...

sucking up to the queen I see....(it's people like you who cause Mimi to smack me upside the head with that wand of hers....)

I shall do my best to comply by the end of the week.

Jeff B said...

Travis- Can you feel the love?

Katherine- I know, I know, but it's the first meme I've participated in so I'm no longer a virgin.

Wow it's been a while since I've said that!

Anndi said...

OOOH!Does pushing rice give me a pass for the soapbox course? :)

Looks like we've double-dog (or wolf) dared Travis! hehehe!

I might tackle the foot extracating course... for some reason I feel compelled to taunt and tease, thus landing me in the moat (or the dungeon).

Great fun Jeff!

Matt-Man said...

Great list Jeff. I especially like numbers 6 and 7. Cheers!!

Odat said...

Your first meme???? Wow...How'd it feel? hehe.
Ok Ok, I'll do's certainly an interesting one. I can't believe you're afraid of baloons!!!

Linda said...

Hi Jeff,

I am a virgin to your blog (as it were) and am quite happy I stopped in! I absolutely love your list of courses and would like to sign up for a few of them myself - particularly #1, #6, and #7. I'd like to sign my ex-husband up for #8 as that's a good part of the reason he's my "ex" husband but alas he'd fail to see the humor around the arrogance.

For a first-time memer you did a grand job and now that you have opened yourself up to such things as memes and tags and all that other good blog stuff, watch out as I'm sure you'll be getting hit again!

Oh, and you are most right - happy feet do equal a happy person; at least in my boots it does!

Jeff B said...

Anndi- Your work with the rice promotion qualifies you for a teaching position.

Matt- Thanks. Keeping it real.

Odat- I'm a little sore but I liked it. The balloon thing is a complete mystry to me.

Linda- Thank you for the kind words. Nice to have you over.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Very well done. Let me know how the cooking class with Mimi turns out. Bwahahahah. I got a visual on that one. Have a great day. :)

Mel said...

Uh oh....

Classes just for ME?


Oswegan said...

Those are good ones but I think you might have a hard time find a place they are all taught.

Mine would be:

Why did I go to law school 101.


Anna said...

Jeff, this is well written, I like your stuff and I can actually relate, especially to Photography 20/20 and Cooking 101, I enjoy both, but I never had formal training in any of those, just one stubborn self learner I am, and the problem is that I am happy with what I create, so why spend extra time in class / or money, where I can be sitting in the field chasing nature, or in the kitchen being like mad scientist or buying a new photographic equipment, or food ingredients, lol. Great MEME, and unique. Anna :)

Jeff B said...

Sandee- I'll be sure to bring a fire extinguisher with me. haha

Mel- Your post was great.

Oswegan- Maybe the School of Har Knocks.

Anna- Thanks. I would love to be able to take great photos. As it is I seem to get lucky every once in a while.

Amazing Gracie said...

What a delightful list!!! I've just been tagged for this one but now I know I'll never be as witty as you. Very clever writing~

Desert Songbird said...

I'd join you in the photography class. I need help.

My list wasn't nearly as fleshed out as yours. Then again, I wasn't really in good brain mode at midnight last night.