Excuse me...Can you repeat that?

Been into Starbucks lately?
(or as my friend likes to refer to it), "FourBucks"

Talk about a comedy show. "Yes, I'd like a venti, two pump, low fat, real caramel, tepid, half-caff, Macchiato without whip." Are you kidding me? Hearing that once is bad enough, but then the cashier repeats the whole thing to the barista (the person making the drink). Then if you're real lucky the barista will repeat it again just to confirm the order and once more after it's been made and put up on the bar. It's truly a bonus day when the customer says, "Is this my venti, two pump,...blah, blah, blah, no whip?"

There's more dialog about this one cup of coffee than what you get from a carny at the county fair.

By the way, who the hell orders anything, especially coffee, tepid? You might as well say, "Can I have a cup of caffinated bath water please?" Can you imagine Clint the cowboy out on the range looking at his buddy and telling him to take the kettle off the campfire for a while because he'd like his coffee tepid? No, coffee is supposed to be hot, I mean surface of the sun, scorch your upper lip, hot.

But you may say,"By heating it too much you'll upset the delicate balance of flavors and disturb the the superb aroma." This is exactly the kind of horse hockey that enables our keepers of the java to command $4.00 +/- for a cup.

Here are a couple of descriptors I saw on some packaged beans for sale:
Multi-Region Blends- "Superb interplay of aromas and flavors"

Africa/Arabia- "Floral aromas with citrusy and exotic flavors"

Why do I have a feeling these are word combinations Juan Valdez never thought of while out in the hot sun picking beans one-by-one with his stinking burro by his side.

Listening to the drink orders and watching people as they order is always cause for a chuckle too. I love the embarrassed guy who has to order a foofy drink that he'd never be caught dead drinking. It always starts off with, "My wife/girlfriend asked me to order her a ..."

Then there's the penis extender in a paper cup? This is when a guy walks in and orders his beverage at precisely 185 degrees. I'm always waiting for this guy to reach into his pocket and pull out an instant read thermometer to verify. Let go man, there'll be plenty of time to push your subordinates around when you get to the office.

Women on the other hand have some magical gift about being able to blurt out twenty-seven adjectives and fourteen descriptors spread out over five different drink orders all the while maintaining a separate conversation on their cell phone. Amazing!

When placing my order I find myself saying something like, "Oh, I'm just having a venti coffee." Like I've just committed some kind of mortal sin by not ordering something with a little more pizazz. Then I realize I've just paid $1.85 for a cup of coffee and think I've done enough for the stockholders of Starbucks.