Thursday, November 13, 2008

For My Brother - Part 2

Since my brother Gene is vacationing in southern California at Disneyland right now and can't defend himself (yet), I thought I would offer up the second chapter of my story. If you would like to start at the beginning (Part 1) go here.

Part 2
"The Secrete Weapon"

When we last visited Gene, he had just been called to the service in the royal army of King Odoriferous, and . . . after a tearful?? goodbye with his mother, was now on the road heading to his appointed destination.

It wasn't more than a few hundred feet when Gene started making new friends. One by one, and dozens by dozens, the flies started buzzing. Like a sweet nectar to them, the stink trail emanating from Gene's un-bathed body beckoned his new companions. Eventually though, he walked through a quite aromatic, cow patty laden pasture. As much of a temptation it was for the flies to continue their pursuit of Gene, the steaming piles on the ground seemed to edge him out. . . barely.

The next five miles were rather uneventful, but then up ahead, Gene could hear the ruckus sound of hundreds of other young men gathering. He knew it would be only a few more minutes until he would finally meet his new comrades. Fortunately for the others, the large number of horses in close proximity to Gene as he walked up, helped to mask the stench wafting from his overly ripe self. Those around him attributed the stench to the abundant amount of fresh road apples that dotted the landscape.

Just then a brilliantly handsome, strapping, muscular young knight, mounted upon a glorious steed, rode into the camp. The men all knew who who this amazing specimen of a man was. It was of course, none other than Jeff The Great! This was a man who legends were made of. His devilish good looks alone were the envy of every other man in the land, but his outright wonderfulness certainly did not end there. He also easily possessed the strength of ten men, and his perfectly defined muscular body confirmed it.

Being a master of the bow and arrow was another skill that all who were assembled longed to obtain. As a demonstration of his craftiness, Jeff The Great reached into his quiver of arrows, drew one into his long bow, pulled back on it and let it fly. It guided swift and true, landing dead center on a bulls eye some hundred paces to his left. The looks of amazement became even more pronounced when Jeff split the first arrow with a second! Yes, all the men knew right then and there, that they were in the presence of greatness.

Upon dismounting his white stallion, Jeff called out to the men, "Who among you would display your skills for all of us to see?"

Scanning the crowd he could not find one who would heed his challenge. Some declined out of respect, but most simply did not want to be made a fool of in front of their peers. A long uncomfortable hush fell across the men until Jeff turned and addressed the the lad to his right.

"You young squire," Jeff said in a deep, booming voice, "perhaps you will give us a demonstration?"

Gene's good eye locked upon Jeff's, much like a deer's stuck in the sights of a crossbow. Fear seized every muscle in Gene's puny little body, save one. In a reactionary, yet involuntary moment, Gene released a toxic plume from deep within his nether regions. The green fog emanating from Gene's posterior side, knocked six men to the ground in an instant. With terror in his eye, he looked at Jeff and waited for the inevitable. To his amazement though, Jeff did not run him through with his sword. Instead a twinkle formed in his gorgeous hazel green eyes and a smile stretched across his perfectly unblemished face. He called out to the master of arms and declared, "See to it this lad receives a steady diet of pork fat and sour beans. This young lad shall become our secret weapon! . . . Oh. . . and make sure his tent is on the far side of the camp. . .down wind!"


My dear sweet brother has written a kind, sweet, gentle poem in my honor. If you haven't taken the time to read it, please do go by and have a look. You can find it here if you like.


jennifer said...

This gives me the giggles for some reason... like a bucket of water over a door someone is about to walk through. I just left his blog and saw all of the happy Disney pics (no green fog evident), clueless as to the brotherly love happening on your site.

And just so you know? I would totally do this to my brother but the oaf wouldn't get the joke.

katherine. said...

"secrete"....nicely done your wonderfulness

B. Roan said...

Wonderful! Dueling writer brothers. I like it. I've caught up on both blogs. In my humble opinion, you're in the lead! BJ

Dana said...


You know, maybe it's because I am an only child, but I just love these sibling stories.

Mel said...


Jeff the great!

Oh my...I can FEEL the love! LOL

CrazyCath said...

Sir Jeff on trusty steed.

Not having visited your brother, I am of course on your side. ;0)

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Feeling rather superior today? Bwahahahahaha. Okay I think you did well to pay Gene back for that poem. This is war I fear. Bwahahahahahaha. Have a great day and weekend Jeff the Great. :)

buffalodick said...

You care for each other methinks.. My two competitive sons, blessed with totally different gifts, are the brothers I always hoped they would be- they care for each other too...for real.

Bond said...

Ah, you two...

Dianne said...

I e-mailed a link to this to my baby bro begging him to start a blog just so I can do something like this. hehehehe

Ahhhh Jeff the Great ...

Anndi said...

Well done! But be careful my friend and adopted bro... he may very well get you with a banana peel in his next Ode.

Jeff B said...

Jennifer- I like your analogy. As to the why...don't know, just seemed like some good old fashioned fun I guess.

Katherine- Did spell check miss that one? And thank you for acknowledging my wonderfulness. hehehehe

B Roan- I may be now, but if I know Gene, he'll be coming up with a winner soon.

Dana- Just boys being boys

Mel- Kind of gives you the warm fuzzies doesn't it?

Crazycath- A most excellent choice you've made.

Sandee- Ya, I was a bit full of myself there...sure felt good though.

Buffalo- I really do love the guy. Just don't tell him that though.

Bond- Yep, at it again.

Dianne- I like your warped sense of humor!

Anndi- Yes folks...she'll be here all week! and don't forget to tip your waitress.

Ron said...


"Gene released a toxic plume from deep within his nether regions. The green fog emanating from Gene's posterior side, knocked six men to the ground in an instant."


Holy cow, are a RIOT!

BRAVO, buddy!


SOOOO glad to see that you posted today, Jeff!

Have a great weekend!

Anndi said...

:) Ya missed me.. admit it!

Travis said...

It's a goo thing I've got plenty of snacks to tide me over until Gene's return salvo.

Gene Bach said...

Ah Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, I see you have once again been stirring up the masses with your mindless drivel. Vacation was great. It was really nice, and sunny, and was the weather up your way?

Since I am now back from vacation I feel the need to write. Hmm, I wonder what my subject matter will be?

See you soon...dead man.

Jeff B said...

Ron- The toxic plume thing really is accurate, but then again all three of us seemed to be pretty good at that!

Anndi- Ya I missed you, I'll try harder to hit you next time.

Travis- I think your wait will be over soon. He's baaaaack!

Gene- It was cold and rained like the dickens for 13 days in a row. Thanks for asking scumbag!

Carol said...

OMG! Sibling rivalry at its finest!! Hysterical, Jeff. Congrats on your POD award!

(You're a better writer than he is!)

Moannie said...

OMG. I'm new to your blog and it took me a while to get the joke.
Here from POTD and shall be back to catch up on your odourific fued.

Jeff B said...

Carol- Cool beans, I didn't know David had bestowed that honor upon my story. You know by saying I'm a better writer, you're just encouraging Gene to really let it rip!

Moannie- Gene and my humor can sometimes be an acquired taste. We've enjoyed jabbing at each other for as long as I can remember. Stay tuned for more.