"The Secrete Weapon"
"The Secrete Weapon"
When we last visited Gene, he had just been called to the service in the royal army of King Odoriferous, and . . . after a tearful?? goodbye with his mother, was now on the road heading to his appointed destination.
It wasn't more than a few hundred feet when Gene started making new friends. One by one, and dozens by dozens, the flies started buzzing. Like a sweet nectar to them, the stink trail emanating from Gene's un-bathed body beckoned his new companions. Eventually though, he walked through a quite aromatic, cow patty laden pasture. As much of a temptation it was for the flies to continue their pursuit of Gene, the steaming piles on the ground seemed to edge him out. . . barely.
The next five miles were rather uneventful, but then up ahead, Gene could hear the ruckus sound of hundreds of other young men gathering. He knew it would be only a few more minutes until he would finally meet his new comrades. Fortunately for the others, the large number of horses in close proximity to Gene as he walked up, helped to mask the stench wafting from his overly ripe self. Those around him attributed the stench to the abundant amount of fresh road apples that dotted the landscape.
Just then a brilliantly handsome, strapping, muscular young knight, mounted upon a glorious steed, rode into the camp. The men all knew who who this amazing specimen of a man was. It was of course, none other than Jeff The Great! This was a man who legends were made of. His devilish good looks alone were the envy of every other man in the land, but his outright wonderfulness certainly did not end there. He also easily possessed the strength of ten men, and his perfectly defined muscular body confirmed it.
Being a master of the bow and arrow was another skill that all who were assembled longed to obtain. As a demonstration of his craftiness, Jeff The Great reached into his quiver of arrows, drew one into his long bow, pulled back on it and let it fly. It guided swift and true, landing dead center on a bulls eye some hundred paces to his left. The looks of amazement became even more pronounced when Jeff split the first arrow with a second! Yes, all the men knew right then and there, that they were in the presence of greatness.
Upon dismounting his white stallion, Jeff called out to the men, "Who among you would display your skills for all of us to see?"
Scanning the crowd he could not find one who would heed his challenge. Some declined out of respect, but most simply did not want to be made a fool of in front of their peers. A long uncomfortable hush fell across the men until Jeff turned and addressed the the lad to his right.
"You young squire," Jeff said in a deep, booming voice, "perhaps you will give us a demonstration?"
Gene's good eye locked upon Jeff's, much like a deer's stuck in the sights of a crossbow. Fear seized every muscle in Gene's puny little body, save one. In a reactionary, yet involuntary moment, Gene released a toxic plume from deep within his nether regions. The green fog emanating from Gene's posterior side, knocked six men to the ground in an instant. With terror in his eye, he looked at Jeff and waited for the inevitable. To his amazement though, Jeff did not run him through with his sword. Instead a twinkle formed in his gorgeous hazel green eyes and a smile stretched across his perfectly unblemished face. He called out to the master of arms and declared, "See to it this lad receives a steady diet of pork fat and sour beans. This young lad shall become our secret weapon! . . . Oh. . . and make sure his tent is on the far side of the camp. . .down wind!"
My dear sweet brother has written a kind, sweet, gentle poem in my honor. If you haven't taken the time to read it, please do go by and have a look. You can find it here if you like.