Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Stranger Than Fiction

Most of you know how much I enjoy writing fiction, but sometimes real life just entertains us so much more than anything we can dream up. Yesterday was no exception to this fact.

The following accounts are true. and no, I haven't changed any names to protect the innocent.

I've been working with my good friend Cole lately. We always seem to end up with some sort of story to tell about a goof up one of has done or an oddity about a client we're working for. Yesterday was Cole's turn to reel in the fodder.

I was working on the latest remodel project while he went to do a small drywall patch for a gal first thing in the morning. He also had to stop by the other remodel project we are in the middle of. When he got back to where I was about 10:30 in the morning, he said, "Buddy, you're never going to believe my morning."

My response of course was, "Try me."

Cole: "You know that gal I went to do that drywall job for?"

Me: "Ya"

Cole: "When I got ready to go, I got out my receipt book to to write up an invoice for her. Do you know what the fruit loop said?"

Me: (big grin forming on my face) "What?"

Cole: "She said: Oh, I didn't think you were going to charge me for this."

Me: (bigger grin now) "Excuse me?"

Cole: "I told her I usually charge a minimum of $250.00 for a patch job like this. She then proceeds to say because she knows me that she thought I was just going to do the job for nothing."

*Foot Note- She knows him because she is friends with someone Cole goes to church with. Guess in her little world, that makes them best buds.

Me: (beginning to snicker a bit)

Cole: "Then she says, she can't afford that much. So I said, Fine, how about a hundred bucks? She begins whining about that too and tells me she doesn't have any extra money at all."

Me: (the tee-hee's have now set in)

Cole: " Umm, what do you have? She opens up her wallet and counts out $47.00 and hands it to me."

Me: (I'm laughing so hard at this point I can barely stand up)

Then he tells me, "Hey it gets even better."

After leaving her place, he went over to Dave's place to check in and see how the hard wood floor installers were doing. When he got there, they told him Dave was upstairs. He proceeds up the stairs to find him.

*Foot note- At the beginning of the project, Dave had told Cole if he needed him to just come upstairs. No problem usually, but Dave didn't know Cole was coming by this day.

BTW- Dave is around 75 years old

As Cole turns the corner at the top of the stairs to go to Dave's office he sees him sitting at his desk with the computer on. There on the screen is a CLOSE-UP of a buck naked woman with the camera focused on her hoo haa. That's right, Mr seventy-five year old is upstairs looking at porn while the floor guys are downstairs working on his house!

Wisely, Cole stopped, backed up a few steps and then called out, "Hello . . Dave. . . are you up here?"

He said he never heard a mouse click so fast in all his life! Thank god the old fart wasn't waxing his Willie. That would have probably caused some long term damage to Cole's eyes.

One last bit. Cole had another job to look at and bid at the end of the day. It was in an area called Forrest Heights. It's a rather well-to-do area where houses start at around $800k and go upwards of a couple million. The woman had some water damage to three areas in her garage ceiling and one wall. She said the insurance adjuster had already come out and wanted to know if Cole would do the job for what the had given her. When he asked how much the adjustment was for, she told him, "$62.00".

I about horse laughed myself silly when he told me that.

I tell you, I can not make up stuff like this.


Gene Bach said...

Truth is stranger than fiction. They should have had a video camera on us hanging the siding.

Jeff B said...

We might have been $100k winners on America's Funniest Videos with that footage.

quilly said...

Sounds like Cole had a "here's your sign" kind of day.

Nessa said...

The worst part about this economy is that people think that businesses are so hard up they are desperate and will give their product and services away for nothing.

Mel said...


I'm suddenly grateful for my day, yesterday.

nitebyrd said...

People are just freakin' nuts!

At least you and Cole could laugh about it. That helps.

I'm liking the new look. I may have to redecorate myself.

Desert Songbird said...

Oh good Lord. Some people are too stupid to live.

Jay said...

I thought for a second that that woman was going to offer to make up the difference for Cole by providing some service. If you know what I mean. LOL ;-)

Jay said...

P.S. I hope when I'm 75, I'm watching porn online too. haha

buffalodick said...

I like to do business with friends when ever possible- but I am careful to make sure it is in a business-like manner. Assume nothing, and pay them what it is worth. You'll be friends after the job is done!

Kay said...

Oh man... for a sec I thought the first story was going to go the way of something a bit more "adult"...

Darn, I thought, no sex in this story... and then I read the 2nd one...

Be careful what you wish for eh?

Dana said...

I say KUDOS to Dave for still having a pulse - and an urge - at 75 ... although I'm glad it was Cole who saw him and not me!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Yes, they are out there and they are allowed to breed. Bwahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day Jeff. :)

Jeff B said...

Quilly- I'm thinking he would have run out of ink and cardboard making signs for all the players that day.

Nessa- I'd like to see those people go to a restaurant and ask for a meal, but only want to pay a fraction of the cost for it.

Mel- If one looks long enough, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Nitebyrd- You're off to a good start with the new psycho bunny avatar. I like it.

Songbird- Unfortunately shooting them to put them out of their misery is still illegal!

Jay- Guess you'll have to wait and see if you're UP for the challenge when you get to that age.

Buffalo- I don't ask friends to give me a great deal for exactly that reason. Good advise.

Kay- Well, there you go. Glad I could fulfill your wishes. Ha!

Dana- I would have to agree with you on both accounts.

Sandee- Today was much less eventful. Thank god for small miracles!

San said...

There's something toxic in the air right now. I had a woman looking at a $2750 painting and she offered $850. I told her I would lose money on that. Then she offered $1150. I told her I would lose money on that. Then she said she had to return some jewelry she'd bought from a guy who had taken 80% off his asking price. She did. And came back prepared to purchase (rather than steal) the painting. I can only imagine what the jeweler had claimed was the "retail" price of the jewelry.

Jay said...

It's a good thing your friend Cole has a sense of humour! LOL!

So he accepted the $47 for the drywall job? The man must have a heart of gold. When can he come and take a look at our conservatory roof?

Jeff B said...

San- Good grief! I was starting to think this freebie mentality only applied to us contractor types. It's refreshing to know their are cheapskates in all arenas! Some people have a lot of nerve don't they?

Jay- Actually he does have a quite compassionate side. Didn't stop me from laughing at his situation though.


BJ Roan said...

Poor Cole, and I thought I had a bad day. I too thought the first story was going down another route. 75 huh? Impressive!

Cath said...

That is just too much. I'll remember that for future reference! Just tell the guy I can't afford it.... after the job. That'll do for me!

(Love the new look here Jeff).

CrystalChick said...

I'm so behind in blog reading. :(
Glad I got to stop by here for a bit though. This was priceless!!! But anything that gives you blog material and a hearty laugh is a good thing. :)