What Did You Say?

I wanted to share a few euphemisms and/or phrases that I've said or heard before. By no means is this an exhaustive list.


In reference to the less brilliant in the world:

• A couple fries short of a Happy Meal.
• Not the brightest bulb in the candelabra.
• Dumber than a burnt stump.
• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

A couple of good exclamations:

• Well dip me in drawn butter!
• Shit fire and save matches!

For the screaming or incessantly whiny child:

• Waiter, please bring that kid a big bowl of shut the hell up.

Can be used in the kitchen or in most pawn shops:

• That's hotter than a sheriff's 45!

For the big shot in your life:

• You think you're hot snot on a silver platter, but you're just a cold booger on a paper plate!

Instead of saying, "Excuse me... what... or pardon me?" say:

• "Your what hurts?"

A response for a well wisher after a sneeze:

• salutation..."Gesundheit" reply... "Comes out loose"

For the perpetually lost:

• Couldn't find your way out of a paper bag.

Please feel free to share any others that come to mind.