The List

Before anything else is said, Lisa and I want to say thank you for all of your thoughtful comments and words of encouragement from the last post. Things are great on the home front!

Now I know you have been wondering what the other things were on Lisa's list are so here we go...


1) He leaves his socks on the floor in the room where he takes them off.

Hello! Where else am I supposed to put them? And to think, all these years I was under the impression that the sock fairy picked them up in the middle of the night and whisked them off to the laundry room. Who'd a thunk it?


2) He loves to cook, but uses every pan in the house.

Guilty as charged! I believe this stems from my years of working in restaurants. I guess I got used to having a dishwasher available to clean up whatever I put in front of him. After I get done cooking a meal it generally looks like an explosion in a pillow factory.


3) Passes gas - should try "Beano".

Isn't it obvious a lady wrote this one down. Had a guy of written it, it'd say something like, "Farts like a trooper". I really don't see why this one is a problem, I mean my two boys think this is a God given talent that should be exercised as often as possible. I think she's still upset because I made the dog leave the room one day.



4) He doesn't clean the counters when he's finished in the kitchen.

This one simply is not true. Whenever I'm finished making a sandwich I make sure to brush the crumbs onto the floor.


5) He bugs you when he wants you to come up with this list!

You would think I would be smart enough to leave her alone if she only started out with about four things, but nooo. I had to go and say, "Is that all you can come up with?" What the hell was I thinking?


6) Gets into moods to get rid of everything we aren't using at the moment without thinking. Then a month later we need to re-purchase.

This is definitely an area where Lisa and I are worlds apart. I have what is commonly known as the three year rule. If something sits on a shelf or in a box untouched for more than three years, chances are pretty good we don't need it. It's next destination is either on a table at a yard sale or in a box heading for Goodwill. Case in point: We had a food dehydrator that was given to us as a wedding gift. Twelve years later it still sat in the box receiving only one sad attempt at sucking the life out of some poor unsuspecting fruit. When I put it in a yard sale you would have though I was getting rid of a priceless family heirloom. Ya, this is a tough one to find middle ground on.


7) He drinks out of containers in the fridge, i.e. juice, milk...etc.

Please see numbers 2 and 4. I am simple being proactive in my attempt to not leave a mess in the kitchen or a dirty glass on the counter. (You believe me don't you?)


8) He picks at his toenails - Yuk!

I have no defense for this one. Yes I do it and yes it's gross. It's a subconscious, nervous habit.


9) He leaves his clothes from the night before on the floor. They rarely make it to the laundry room.

OK, this is the second annoyance for her regarding my placement of clothing. I am making a mental note right now to walk my lazy butt the extra fifteen feet to the laundry room with the clothes. Either that or the sock fairy needs to get another helper late at night.


10) He sleeps in the buff and sheds all over the sheets.

This may well qualify for the "more information than we needed" category, but remember, you wanted to see the list. Yes I sleep with my bare nothings on. I can not stand to have any type of clothing on when I sleep, besides, what else would I be able to decorate the floor with. As for the shedding part, I am a fuzzy guy. Kind of like a cross between Robin Williams and Grizzly Adams. I really, really, really wish I wasn't, but I am. If there was one thing I could change about my physical appearance this would be it.


11) He torments the cats by making loud noises at them.

Now before you go calling the SPCA on me know that I am generally very loving and kind to my cats and dog, but once in a while when one of the cats comes sauntering by looking quite regal, I love to give them a big PISSSST!!! There is something about seeing a three foot vertical leap from a ten inch tall animal that hits my funny bone just right! Here kitty, kitty, kitty.


12) He mumbles when he is upset.

What! I do not mumble when I'm angry. I don't have any idea what she is talking about with this one. Give me a break, I've never mumbled a day in my life. I'm going to have to get some clarification on this. I'll show her mumbling dog gone it.



Well, there you have it. The big bad list in it's entirety. Now I'm sure one of you might leave a comment asking me to write a list of my irritations and annoyances about Lisa. Let me just say this to you, "There is not a snowball's chance in hell that I am going to do that!" I may be silly enough to ask my wife for a list of these things about myself, but I am wise enough to know that I typically go to bed before her and there are entirely too many ways for her to snuff me out as I peacefully lay in bed.