We'll Have a Gay Old Time

About twenty years ago I used to golf quite a bit. At the time I was still single and it was well before the talk of children had even entered the picture. It was a time when I had both leisure time and money left over at the end of the month. Excuse me for a moment while I reflect on those two things . . . . . ahhh, ok I'm back.

At the time a very good friend of mine and I were working together at a winery in northern California. I was working in the kitchen of the restaurant. My buddy, Tim Hayes (aka "Purple Haze") was the manager of the tasting room. For those that are unfamiliar with what a tasting room is, it's part of a winery where the public can go and sample the various wines offered, and could just as easily be called a gift shop. The idea is, if you sample the wines, you're much more likely to purchase them. It does seem to work pretty well, but then again it might have something to do with the fact that by the end of a day of wine tasting a good number of the tourist are shit faced and will buy a bottle or two or twelve whether they can taste the difference between good and bad anyway.

More stories of some of these antics another time. For now back to the one at hand.

We both worked day shifts and both enjoyed playing golf. There was a nine hole municipal course about five miles away from where we worked that was pretty moderately priced and was also very convenient for us to get to. After playing the course for over a year and spending a reasonable amount of money from month to month, we decided to check out getting a membership, figuring saving a few bucks on our green fees wasn't too bad of an idea. When we inquired about getting this however, we were told we couldn't join together, because that was reserved for married couples. We could each get a single membership if we liked though. Now the price for a couple was significantly less than it was for a single and the whole idea was we wanted to save money right?

This is where the light bulb went on over Tim's head. He looked at the pro and said, "Have you ever had a gay discrimination law suit filed against the course?"

This my friends was absolutely brilliant. The guy behind the counter just looked at him and said, "You wouldn't . . . would you? You're kidding me . . . right?"

"Just try me," was Tim's response.

Tim was joking of course, but I'm still not sure the pro was totally convinced he was. He caved on the spot and said, "Ok, you can join as a couple, but I'll have to sign you up as Mr and Mrs Hayes, and please don't tell anybody I'm doing this for you."

Ha! We didn't care if he put Martha Stewart on the registration, we had just saved about a hundred and fifty bucks apiece. Well for the next month or so we took full advantage of the unlimited golf and enjoyed playing as much as we wanted to without paying any extra. We also played together each time and didn't really think anything of it until one day when I went there by myself.

There was a young guy working behind the counter that I hadn't recalled seeing before. I went to check in and told him I was a member. He asked for the name, so I told him, "Hayes."

Looking it up on the list he found the name and politely said, "Oh hi, Mr Hayes?"

"No," I said, "I'm his wife, Mrs Hayes!" and with that I turned around and walked out of the pro shop and off to the first tee.

The poor guy's jaw darn near dropped to the ground as he watched those words spill off my lips. By the time I'd made it to the tee box I was laughing so stinking hard I could barely hit the ball. I have no idea what score I shot that day, but it was still one of the most memorable days on the course I've ever had.

Funny thing is that guy never looked at me quite the same way again, especially when I'd walk in with Tim and he'd kiss me on the cheek just to freak him out a bit.