I Didn't Kill Anyone!

Yesterday was my second attempt at making a beef brisket on my smoker. When I say attempt, please understand that the first time was about two years ago when I spent about 10 hours turning a perfectly good piece of meat into what could have easily been used as shingle material for a house. The poor unsuspecting chunk of meat started off at about two inches thick and weighed probably nine or ten pounds. By the time I finished mutilating it had cooked down to probably one inch thick with around a half inch of crust on the bottom and a half inch of crust on the top and could probably have been measured in ounces. In case you're not terribly mathematical by nature, that doesn't leave a whole lot left in the middle to munch on. There was actually, a sliver about the thickness of a very thin sheet of paper in the middle that, given enough imagination, kind of, sort of, almost resembled meat.

I of course had invited my mom and dad over for dinner to wow them with yet another culinary treat prepared by their loving son, the ex chef. God bless my mother. As she nearly chipped a tooth taking a bite, she slowly, ever so slowly, tried her best to masticate this pathetic sole of a shoe also known as dinner. That's when she looked at me and said, "It's not too bad."

Yes, this is when I knew that the visions I'd held so close to my heart of my dear, sweet, honest mother had just gone out the window. Why?, because she was lying through her blackened, char stained teeth! This was the true definition of a mothers love for her child though, when all common sense told her to run like hell to the nearest McDonald's for a "decent" meal, she stayed at the table and did her best to choke down the burnt offering placed in front of her in an effort to spare her mortified son. I love ya mom...ya big liar! I don't recall what my dad said about the hockey puck in front of him, but I do remember he drank a lot of water that evening.

**side note: Remind me to tell you about my first Thanksgiving dinner some time**

Fast forward two years later. Enough time has passed that the lining in my stomach has healed itself and I'm thinking it's time to try another beef brisket. Fortunately this time I have a better plan in mind. First, I'm only going to subject my wife and kids to my next masterpiece. No point in inviting mom over for dinner. I'm pretty sure she would have been busy. (God knows I would have been) My other bright idea is sending an email to my Michigan based blogging buddy Buffalodickdy. I knew he would have some good pointers for me. He always seems to have some tasty looking goodies on his blog and has told me/us of many of his food competitions he's been in and won or done well in. I wrote to him and pleaded my case and hoped he would give me any advise he had. Now remember, guys that cook in food competitions don't always like to give out their secretes, and I was perfectly willing to hear, "Sorry, but my recipes are sacred."

As I suspected, that's not Dick's style. He fired back an email with a great dry rub spice combination and a subsequent marinade along with detailed cooking instructions for me. I'm happy to announce that his instructions payed off big time! It turned out great and everybody in the family seemed to enjoy it. (for real this time mom!) My hat is off to you for sharing your insight, thanks.

BTW, his site which is called Opinions and Rectumns, we all got one! is about more than just about food alone, so if you haven't stopped by before, do yourself a favor and take a look. You'll find fun stories, engaging discussions and of course good eats.